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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 250384" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Rohnda, My son lived on the streets for a while. There were times I didn't know where he was or if he was hungry or sick etc. It was so very hard. I do understand. I got little support from my family it was more than they could get their head around. They buried their heads inthe ground so I didn't have anyone close by to bounce ideas off of or to just hold me. My husband lives away from home most of the week and my other son who lives with me is an asppie so no emotional help there. My daughters were either so sad or so angry that they refused to even remember they had a little brother and forbade me to speak of him because it was "too stressful". So although I was not physically alone I felt alone. It is a scary way to feel. Panic and extreme paralysing fear would often over take me. I had a therapist on board but she was not always available when I would go into a frantic state and I had no insurance coverage and huge bills from difficult child which I am still paying off. This board saved me. Suz can attest that I was pretty lost sometimes. She threw me a lifeline via a telephone call at one particularly difficult time that I will never stop appreciating. I truly understand the fear that you child might die and there is nothing you can do about it. There are several of us who have lived through horrid nightmares that were not dreams. We learned that in order to survive we must get off the runaway train of our difficult child's chosen existence. It isn't an easy lesson to learn but the stress that our difficult child's cause us is taxing and will kill us if we let it. After you have been here a while you will notice how many of us have chronic conditions, how many of us have weakend immune systems, how many of us suffer from PTSD. Stress over long periods of time does that to you. Detachment is what we must do in order to survive. At first guilt keeps creeping into our psyche but eventually we learn how to quiet that also and then we can be more peaceful in spite of our child's poor choices. </p><p> </p><p>You will never stop loving or caring about your daughter. I keep my son's baby picture up not his adult picture. I do this because I love remembering my fair haired boy. I love remembering when his future appeared bright and when I do something happens to me and I realize that it still might be. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. I could be something wonderful just as easily as it could be something dreadful. That is why we need to be open to the beautiful and fullfilling things in the present. Those are the things that renew us and give us the strength to live through the bad stuff. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 250384, member: 2315"] Rohnda, My son lived on the streets for a while. There were times I didn't know where he was or if he was hungry or sick etc. It was so very hard. I do understand. I got little support from my family it was more than they could get their head around. They buried their heads inthe ground so I didn't have anyone close by to bounce ideas off of or to just hold me. My husband lives away from home most of the week and my other son who lives with me is an asppie so no emotional help there. My daughters were either so sad or so angry that they refused to even remember they had a little brother and forbade me to speak of him because it was "too stressful". So although I was not physically alone I felt alone. It is a scary way to feel. Panic and extreme paralysing fear would often over take me. I had a therapist on board but she was not always available when I would go into a frantic state and I had no insurance coverage and huge bills from difficult child which I am still paying off. This board saved me. Suz can attest that I was pretty lost sometimes. She threw me a lifeline via a telephone call at one particularly difficult time that I will never stop appreciating. I truly understand the fear that you child might die and there is nothing you can do about it. There are several of us who have lived through horrid nightmares that were not dreams. We learned that in order to survive we must get off the runaway train of our difficult child's chosen existence. It isn't an easy lesson to learn but the stress that our difficult child's cause us is taxing and will kill us if we let it. After you have been here a while you will notice how many of us have chronic conditions, how many of us have weakend immune systems, how many of us suffer from PTSD. Stress over long periods of time does that to you. Detachment is what we must do in order to survive. At first guilt keeps creeping into our psyche but eventually we learn how to quiet that also and then we can be more peaceful in spite of our child's poor choices. You will never stop loving or caring about your daughter. I keep my son's baby picture up not his adult picture. I do this because I love remembering my fair haired boy. I love remembering when his future appeared bright and when I do something happens to me and I realize that it still might be. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. I could be something wonderful just as easily as it could be something dreadful. That is why we need to be open to the beautiful and fullfilling things in the present. Those are the things that renew us and give us the strength to live through the bad stuff. -RM [/QUOTE]
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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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