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help with enabling my 28 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 712079" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, yes its heartwrenching but we found my 19 year old daughter throwing a pill party under our roof and made her leave and she didnt originally have anywhere to go either. We wanted to nip it early and not help her use drugs. She used meth and cocaine and looked like death, but would not accept help. We had two younger kids who were scared of her and afraid of the cops. It was very hard, but we made her go..and she quit! She got no car, no money from us and the person who took her in was very tough and and told her if she didnt work, pay rent, help in the house and smoke 100% outdoors she would be out in the streets. She got a job, walked to and from work in the Chicago cold, met a non criminal guy, quit even cigarettes and meth and coke and turned her life around. She started using at 12.</p><p></p><p>Our thinking was we had to protect the rest of us and that Daughter would probably die or go to prison if she didnt quit. She was always claiming she quit and we were always fooled. She hid her drug use well and used mostly at night so we were asleep. Clearly kind loving care hadnt helped her so we tried tough love and for her it worked.</p><p></p><p>You do your 28 year old full adult daughter no good by paying her bills, ruining your retirement and marriage and allowing her to abuse you under your roof.it doesnt help HER either. She is 28 as depebdent and entitled as a toddler who throws tantrums. She may always be this way, but she may decide its not fun being a homeless drug addict. She wont grow up in your home or it would have happened already.</p><p></p><p>Dont feel guilty. She is 28 not 8. Every dime you give her, everything you pay for gives her more money to buy drugs. Plus she has learned to disrespect you, even harm you under your own roof. How dare she. You loved her dearly and she treats you badly...</p><p></p><p>Please think about yourself and your husband first. You are important. You matter. Nobody, not even a beloved adult child has the right to hurt you or steal from you or cuss at you or demand your hard earned money. This is domestic abuse. Its as hprrible as if a husband did these things. Would you accept thus from anyone else? Do you have other children eho get short on your attention because this one takes all your energy? </p><p></p><p>I send you light and love and wish you courage. Please take good care of yourself and let go of daughters life. Let her live and learn. Or not. Her decisions are her problem, not yours. I recommend stop bailing her out and throwing money at her that wont help her. Take back your house and make it your sanctuary <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. Take your life back.</p><p></p><p>Have you gone to Al Anon? Therapy? Many of us, including me, get so much out of Al Anon and/or therapy. Dont try to do this without help to validate and support you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 712079, member: 1550"] Hon, yes its heartwrenching but we found my 19 year old daughter throwing a pill party under our roof and made her leave and she didnt originally have anywhere to go either. We wanted to nip it early and not help her use drugs. She used meth and cocaine and looked like death, but would not accept help. We had two younger kids who were scared of her and afraid of the cops. It was very hard, but we made her go..and she quit! She got no car, no money from us and the person who took her in was very tough and and told her if she didnt work, pay rent, help in the house and smoke 100% outdoors she would be out in the streets. She got a job, walked to and from work in the Chicago cold, met a non criminal guy, quit even cigarettes and meth and coke and turned her life around. She started using at 12. Our thinking was we had to protect the rest of us and that Daughter would probably die or go to prison if she didnt quit. She was always claiming she quit and we were always fooled. She hid her drug use well and used mostly at night so we were asleep. Clearly kind loving care hadnt helped her so we tried tough love and for her it worked. You do your 28 year old full adult daughter no good by paying her bills, ruining your retirement and marriage and allowing her to abuse you under your roof.it doesnt help HER either. She is 28 as depebdent and entitled as a toddler who throws tantrums. She may always be this way, but she may decide its not fun being a homeless drug addict. She wont grow up in your home or it would have happened already. Dont feel guilty. She is 28 not 8. Every dime you give her, everything you pay for gives her more money to buy drugs. Plus she has learned to disrespect you, even harm you under your own roof. How dare she. You loved her dearly and she treats you badly... Please think about yourself and your husband first. You are important. You matter. Nobody, not even a beloved adult child has the right to hurt you or steal from you or cuss at you or demand your hard earned money. This is domestic abuse. Its as hprrible as if a husband did these things. Would you accept thus from anyone else? Do you have other children eho get short on your attention because this one takes all your energy? I send you light and love and wish you courage. Please take good care of yourself and let go of daughters life. Let her live and learn. Or not. Her decisions are her problem, not yours. I recommend stop bailing her out and throwing money at her that wont help her. Take back your house and make it your sanctuary :). Take your life back. Have you gone to Al Anon? Therapy? Many of us, including me, get so much out of Al Anon and/or therapy. Dont try to do this without help to validate and support you. [/QUOTE]
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help with enabling my 28 year old
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