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Help with son and my wife, his step mom
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 601357" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First off DDD, none of this applies to you. Six years is a long time to be divorced. You picked a wonderful man who did not leave you af few times and cheat. It was likely your kids would learn to respect that you need somebody after so long and that you picked a good man. Now to the OP:</p><p></p><p>I've seen so many men or women hurry, hurry to get remarried and then bring other kids into the new family too...and expect all the kids to embrace it. That often doesn't happen. The time to really think is before you marry. And now this poor kid has a fourteen year old "twin" age brother he doesn't like either. Maybe he gets more attention with mom and doesn't have to share her with a stepsibling he didn't ask for and a new wife.</p><p></p><p>You married her. It's up to you what you do with your marriage. But my advice to enriching your relationship with your son is to interact with him WITHOUT your wife and your stepson. Take him out alone a lot of the time. You can't force him to embrace this new "family" but you can get closer to him by spending quality time alone with him where he doesn't have to deal with fourteen year old stepbrother and new wife.</p><p></p><p>My own preference was always to put my kids before an adult SO. And I really didn't want to marry anyone with kids because I have kids, and that's exactly what I did. I married a man who is childless and told him that he is not to discipline my kids...just sort of be their friend. Me and my ex did the disciplining of our children and it reall y worked out well. Your wife is not his mother and should not be part of the discipline. If she tries to be expect son to say, "You're not my mother. I don't have to listen to you." And then not listen to her. It is better if she takes a softer role.</p><p></p><p>If you ex was a drug addict who abused/ignored him, that would make him more receptive to Wife. But it doesn't sound like she is. Sounds like he feels she loves him. That makes your wife in a tough place with him.</p><p></p><p>Spend <u><em><strong>alone</strong></em></u> time with your son when you have him. He doesn't like your wife and stepbrother and you can't force him to. The more you try, the more he will resist.</p><p></p><p>If you want to talk to men who are in your exact shoes, balancing stepsiblings, new wives, their own kids and ex, here is the link to the Dads forum.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! I'd read that forum to get some male feedback. The forum is right below this.</p><p></p><p></p><p><a href="http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=5" target="_blank">http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=5</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 601357, member: 1550"] First off DDD, none of this applies to you. Six years is a long time to be divorced. You picked a wonderful man who did not leave you af few times and cheat. It was likely your kids would learn to respect that you need somebody after so long and that you picked a good man. Now to the OP: I've seen so many men or women hurry, hurry to get remarried and then bring other kids into the new family too...and expect all the kids to embrace it. That often doesn't happen. The time to really think is before you marry. And now this poor kid has a fourteen year old "twin" age brother he doesn't like either. Maybe he gets more attention with mom and doesn't have to share her with a stepsibling he didn't ask for and a new wife. You married her. It's up to you what you do with your marriage. But my advice to enriching your relationship with your son is to interact with him WITHOUT your wife and your stepson. Take him out alone a lot of the time. You can't force him to embrace this new "family" but you can get closer to him by spending quality time alone with him where he doesn't have to deal with fourteen year old stepbrother and new wife. My own preference was always to put my kids before an adult SO. And I really didn't want to marry anyone with kids because I have kids, and that's exactly what I did. I married a man who is childless and told him that he is not to discipline my kids...just sort of be their friend. Me and my ex did the disciplining of our children and it reall y worked out well. Your wife is not his mother and should not be part of the discipline. If she tries to be expect son to say, "You're not my mother. I don't have to listen to you." And then not listen to her. It is better if she takes a softer role. If you ex was a drug addict who abused/ignored him, that would make him more receptive to Wife. But it doesn't sound like she is. Sounds like he feels she loves him. That makes your wife in a tough place with him. Spend [U][I][B]alone[/B][/I][/U] time with your son when you have him. He doesn't like your wife and stepbrother and you can't force him to. The more you try, the more he will resist. If you want to talk to men who are in your exact shoes, balancing stepsiblings, new wives, their own kids and ex, here is the link to the Dads forum. Good luck! I'd read that forum to get some male feedback. The forum is right below this. [URL]http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=5[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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