help with son

[sjexpress]

Hi- I am new here and have a 10yr old son that I believe I now need to find psychiatric help for. Since birth he was "high need"- crying constantly, wanting to be held, etc.. He was a good toddler but had frequent tantrums when he did not get what he wanted. As he got older, the tantrums continued the second he did not get his way. He started to get aggressive and hit husband and myself. By age 7 we tried a psychologist because tantrums and hitting were worse (at home only- not school) and ds was very moody. We tried long lists of many different behavior charts, etc.. but nothing was effective since ds was argumentative about what he "earned" on those charts. Changed psychologists since first one did nothing for us, and second one also tried different behavior methods but ds was uncooperatvie, refusing to try anything and ultimately refusing even to go. By age 8-9, ds was easily angered, changed his mood in a second, still tantruming, excessively defient, was involved in a few fights in summer camp, carrying on and crying if ref. or umpire calls didn't go his way in soccer or baseball, etc... We enrolled him in child anger management program that ran for a few week and he sees a family counselor who is this young guy ds sort of relates to. Now at age 10, I truly believe that many of his behaviors are "out of his control". A few minutes after an incident or episode, he apologizes and is even saying he can't help himself from "losing it". Now I feel he is more an emotional wreck besides a behavior problem. He blows his top at every little thing, cries often, very frustrated and can't handle it, etc,,. I think or know he is ODD but definitly has other problems I must find help for. He has never been given any diagnosis. He is breaking my heart watching him struggle and it is also ruining our family and things we used to do because it is embarrasing to have other parents comment about us when situations arise at ds sporting events. My ds needs help and I am not sure how to find the right person for this! I want a child psychiatrist, not a general one. I am having a hard time finding one. I just want to cry myself constantly because I feel so overwhelmed not getting the right help for my ds. Any advice would be great.

 

[sureallove]

Im new here as well. I have an 8 yr old son that has ADHD, but the psychiatrist beleives he may have more issues then that. We are undergoing our 3rd evaluation. My son also has tantrums, anger issues, and cries over everything. I understand how overwhelming it is to not know what is wrong and what to do. I got on the Internet and did reserch on dr.s that specialize in children. I found childrens hospital. I had to get a refferal from my sons regular dr. It took 2 months, but now we are getting a full evaluation. Do you have childrens hospital around you? Another idea is to talk to the school psychologist and ask them if there is a clinic that they have worked with before and recommend. The psychologist we are going to is far away from our home, so he is contacting the school to see where they recommend for psychologists in our area. I hope that helps.

Hi- I am new here and have a 10yr old son that I believe I now need to find psychiatric help for. Since birth he was "high need"- crying constantly, wanting to be held, etc.. He was a good toddler but had frequent tantrums when he did not get what he wanted. As he got older, the tantrums continued the second he did not get his way. He started to get aggressive and hit husband and myself. By age 7 we tried a psychologist because tantrums and hitting were worse (at home only- not school) and ds was very moody. We tried long lists of many different behavior charts, etc.. but nothing was effective since ds was argumentative about what he "earned" on those charts. Changed psychologists since first one did nothing for us, and second one also tried different behavior methods but ds was uncooperatvie, refusing to try anything and ultimately refusing even to go. By age 8-9, ds was easily angered, changed his mood in a second, still tantruming, excessively defient, was involved in a few fights in summer camp, carrying on and crying if ref. or umpire calls didn't go his way in soccer or baseball, etc... We enrolled him in child anger management program that ran for a few week and he sees a family counselor who is this young guy ds sort of relates to. Now at age 10, I truly believe that many of his behaviors are "out of his control". A few minutes after an incident or episode, he apologizes and is even saying he can't help himself from "losing it". Now I feel he is more an emotional wreck besides a behavior problem. He blows his top at every little thing, cries often, very frustrated and can't handle it, etc,,. I think or know he is ODD but definitly has other problems I must find help for. He has never been given any diagnosis. He is breaking my heart watching him struggle and it is also ruining our family and things we used to do because it is embarrasing to have other parents comment about us when situations arise at ds sporting events. My ds needs help and I am not sure how to find the right person for this! I want a child psychiatrist, not a general one. I am having a hard time finding one. I just want to cry myself constantly because I feel so overwhelmed not getting the right help for my ds. Any advice would be great.

 

[shellyd67]

Hi and welcome ! I am sorry you are here but will be glad to try and help you if I can. First off, I would contact your son's pediatrician and set up an appointment to discuss behaviors. The peds office should have a long list of referrals to give you of neuropysch's or pediatric behavioral specialists, etc. I understand the behavior chart method not working. Defiant kids are so complex and it seems like nothing is ever going to work. My 10 yr old is diagnosed ADHD and ODD (lethal combo) and is wearing me down to nothing. He has alot of the same behaviors you listed in your post. It is a long road. I hope you find the help your son needs and deserves. Good Luck and keep us posted.

 

[dadside]

I agree that your son's pediatrician is a good place for recommendations. The young counselor your son relates to is another possibility. Also, as you have experienced, not every psychologist (or psychiatrist) "fits" every patient. However, there are good resources available on Long Island, some with low and/or variable fee schedules, so cost should not be a barrier. Some years ago we had good experience with one group in northern Nassau County, and a quick internet search suggests others elsewhere on L.I. Finally, note that many on this board favor neuropsychologist examinations, although they often take some time to schedule.

 

[BusynMember]

I've been around the block a bit. I'm 56 (you didn't read this ), have five kids and have suffered from mental disorders myself, even in childhood. From what I've seen for myself and my son, NeuroPsychs are the very best diagnosticians of all. They do extensive testing in all areas and have knowledge of how the brain works and also psychology. Your son may have bipolar or he may have Aspergers. They look a lot alike, but the treatment is very different...so if you get the wrong diagnosis. you also get the wrong treatment. Many of us struggle for years trying to get somebody to peg our kid correctly. I didn't mean your son has bipolar or Aspergers...I was just using them as an example. ODD rarely stands by itself. I have a few questions that will helpl us help you. by the way, welcome to the board, but sorry you had to come. Okay then....

1/Are t here any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of your child's GENETIC family tree? Any suicidal genetic relatives? Any relatives you suspect are "off" but are undiagnosed?

2/How was your son's early development? Did he speak on time? Did he sleep well, make good eye contact with everybody, like to cuddle? Has he always been able to socialize well with his same age peers? Does he ever act spacy and out of it, especially in new situations? Can he transition well from one activity to another? Any obsessive interests? How does he do academically in school? Does he know how to hold a give and take conversation or does he either monologue at people or answer "yes" and "no" or "I don't want to talk about it."

I had less than good luck for both myself and my son with psychiatrists. I like an aggressive neuropsychologist/Psychiatrist combo working together. That's how they finally figured out what was wrong with my son (and helped him). He was 11 before we nailed it right, and we had been trying since he was two years old (which is the age in which we adopted him). He's doing really well now, but it took a lot of time and frustration.

It would be helpful to us if you did a signature like I did below so we have an overview of the family. Is your hub his biological father? If not, is his biological father unstable? Any siblings?