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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390649" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I just went back and re-read in detail. I still stand by my advice, but with stronger emphasis for you to call the public hospital's Mental Health Team. Today. It may help to have some ideas before Tuesday's meeting.</p><p></p><p>Whatever choices need to be made, his father has to own them and be able to follow through, It will be hard, because at any suggestion of being sent anywhere (even if just for assessment) the boy will beg and plead.</p><p></p><p>If he will, get your husband to lurk here or post here. Despite our comments about denial (which, under the circumstances is very natural - as MidWestMom indicated, they also were in denial about their adopted son, for a long time). We can help him understand that sometimes these things happen and it's not a blame issue; first task is to identify the problem and to get help. My husband lurks here too, and even though I would have said we are thoroughly on the same wavelength, having him read every post I make and also what other people have written, has given us an intense focus for whatever issues we are dealing with; he gets all the info in concentrated form and has time to think about it as he travels home form work. At home we talk about it. Or sometimes we communicate via threads here! The rule is though, do't bag him out verbally here. Not if you want him to be able to work with you in this. But that is just plain commonsense.</p><p></p><p>So if he is also desperate for help and answers, direct him here. And for both of you - push guilt aside, it only slows you down. Even if you think it is deserved - there is plenty of time for recriminations, AFTER you get the help you need. And you may find there is nothing anybody did to cause this. Or you may find it could have been prevented - but again, 20:20 hindsight is a wonderful thing, I wish we could bottle it and use it retrospectively. But we can't. Life has to move on and we deal with what we have to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390649, member: 1991"] I just went back and re-read in detail. I still stand by my advice, but with stronger emphasis for you to call the public hospital's Mental Health Team. Today. It may help to have some ideas before Tuesday's meeting. Whatever choices need to be made, his father has to own them and be able to follow through, It will be hard, because at any suggestion of being sent anywhere (even if just for assessment) the boy will beg and plead. If he will, get your husband to lurk here or post here. Despite our comments about denial (which, under the circumstances is very natural - as MidWestMom indicated, they also were in denial about their adopted son, for a long time). We can help him understand that sometimes these things happen and it's not a blame issue; first task is to identify the problem and to get help. My husband lurks here too, and even though I would have said we are thoroughly on the same wavelength, having him read every post I make and also what other people have written, has given us an intense focus for whatever issues we are dealing with; he gets all the info in concentrated form and has time to think about it as he travels home form work. At home we talk about it. Or sometimes we communicate via threads here! The rule is though, do't bag him out verbally here. Not if you want him to be able to work with you in this. But that is just plain commonsense. So if he is also desperate for help and answers, direct him here. And for both of you - push guilt aside, it only slows you down. Even if you think it is deserved - there is plenty of time for recriminations, AFTER you get the help you need. And you may find there is nothing anybody did to cause this. Or you may find it could have been prevented - but again, 20:20 hindsight is a wonderful thing, I wish we could bottle it and use it retrospectively. But we can't. Life has to move on and we deal with what we have to deal with. Marg [/QUOTE]
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