My son wants no responsibility and no rules, too, Hopeless. He sounds like lot like your daughter. I am so sorry. I can hear that you are broken.
Please get help now for yourself. You have nothing to offer her right now.
Right now, you need rest and help yourself before you can do a single thing about any of this.
We can't take all of this without it taking a huge toll on us. You are in that place right now. Most of us have been there. I used to stay in bed for a day or two. I was completely taken over by despair and grief and exhaustion. I felt many of the same things you write above.
When that happens, we need help. Please call your doctor or go to the hospital.
There is peace ahead that will come in time. You must take care of yourself right now.
Hugs and blessings and my heart is going out to you.
