Help me for a minute I just dropped my son with a friend I have an odd hunch there going have a drink , I'm trying to detach from all of it , I know I must make him be accountable for his actions he has a court in three weeks. He 19 I can't stop him from making bad choices but I can pray .. Is it wrong to just let him screw it up ..I been trying to help for a while


Hi Wendymarie,
I think that's all we all do, sit and hope and pray. Detaching is sooo hard, but be strong and know that it's the right thing to let him make his own decisions. I am right there with you. It sucks. :furious:


Crazy Cat Lady
Sounds like he went to "cop", meaning to buy drugs.

You MUST stop driving him ANYWHERE but school, work, and necessary appointments. in my humble opinion, if he is drinking (that's a drug, too. And a very physically and mentally damaging one) or doing other drugs, he has no business living in your house.

He's legal adult. He has to be given his wings so he can learn to fly. He needs a job and a place of his own (likely shared with roommates.)

Whatever you do, do NOT co-sign a lease for him, or actually lease a place in your name.


Well-Known Member
Agree with Going North. I learned early not to drive my daughter anywhere since she was smoking pot (that's all we knew about at the time). She also got no spare change. And this was just for pot. We are allowed to stand up for our own beliefs about right and wrong. My daughter quit using everything, even cigarettes. I am proud of her but also think we did the right think by making druggy life hard for her.

She was using speed and meth and not just pot, although pot and cigarettes are banned in our house. Our house/our rules. You have to live elsewhere if you smoke in our home.I'm sure she snuck with the cigarettes, but never smelled pot.

Anytime we found cigarettes in her purse, we put water on the package and threw them out. Yes, since she was endangering her life under our roof, we told her she lost the right to privacy. We went through her purse and room a lot. No, she doesnt hate us. Twelve years later, we are close.

She has some "No Smoking" sign in her house.


Crazy Cat Lady
I don't have signs up, but people these days usually ask. It's pretty obvious because my house doesn't smell of cigs. It smells of cinnamon/mint vape.

I had a go round with a neighbor who frequently throws parties. For some reason, his guests would hang out outside my door to smoke weed.

Now, I didn't like the smell of pot smoke when I was smoking the stuff. I really didn't appreciate my apt being filled with that reek.

I finally walked out and told the crowd to move off and not to smoke anything outside my door in the future. I also asked the neighbor to tell his guests the same thing.

Haven't had a problem since.


Well-Known Member
Our building had a group of druggies in it for a short while. The entire building smelled of weed. Everyone exhaled when they were finally evicted. To me, whatever you do in your apartment, as long as you aren't bringing creepy people into the building, is none of my business. But once I can smell what goes on in your apartment, then it affects me too. I don't want smoke in the hallways, smoke of any scent, in our smoke free building.
Who knows if pot smoke is safe? I doubt it. One problem with pot is the smell. I suspect, even after its legal everywhere, plenty of buildings will prohibit pot smoking. It bothers me almost as much as cigarette smoke.
GN, we can't be alone disliking pot smell.


Crazy Cat Lady
Some people really like it, and apparently, some strains are being bred not only to be much stronger, but to taste and smell like fruits, etc.

I've heard of lots of people who don't like the smell. I'm unusual because I actually smoked my share of the stuff a few decades ago, didn't like the smell then, and the new, stronger stuff stinks even worse, in my opinion.

To make it really worse, a lot of times now, users smoke "blunts" or "spliffs". In both cases you have not only burning weed smoke, but tobacco smoke to contend with. That's a really gag-worthy combination.

The stink also stays around. Stu bought a tour t-shirt on our first official date, which was a Led Zeppelin concert.

He wore it at the concert where a lot of weed was consumed, of which we did our best to contribute. When we got home, Stu took the shirt off and put it away for safe keeping.

I found it and opened the bag it was in. After all that time, it STILL stank of weed smoke!


Well-Known Member
I agree with the others. If you suspect he's using any substance, why are you driving him there? But in the end, they will do what they want to do. You can only offer rehab, support in getting sober, love. Best of luck to you.


Active Member
Not driving him to his drug of choice is a good boundary to start with. If you take it to him, you are only enabling him and telling him you think it's okay.