What strikes me again in reading stories like this is how these kids all seem to be such natural masters of the art of terrorism and manipulation. It’s like they’ve had years of training and they know exactly the cards they need to play at any given time in order to get what they want. I think there has to be both a “nature” and a “nurture” component - a kid with a certain set of traits and characteristics that are there from birth or that arise very early on, and if those are not responded to in the right manner by parents the problems grow and grow. It feels like that with my own DS. He’s constantly playing manipulation games at a very high level. He definitely seems to share certain characteristics in how he forms relationships and how he relates to family that my ex wife exhibits.
You have to protect yourself and control the things you can control. My bedroom is my “safe place.” Anything I don’t want my DS to have access to goes in there and the door is always locked if i’m not home. I even have a little fridge in there for my beer and pop because he takes whatever is in the big fridge. He doesn’t outright “steal” things, but he “borrows” things and before long they are gone or broken. So far, he hasn’t kicked the door in...
You have to pick your battles wisely because otherwise it’s constant warfare.
But it sounds like the kid in the OP is a step higher on the violence and animosity scale than my own which is a very difficult situation because at some point you have to take a stand and then it’s crazy time.