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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752345" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>I agree with what has been said . Take back control of your house. Ignore his attacks that you are a bad mother etc - it's a ploy to activate your guilt which will not help you to feel empowered. He is 17 - he doesn't know what a good parent is, yet. </p><p></p><p>Stop the money. Don't pay for anything and let him work for everything that is important to him .He wants a phone? Get a job .He wants a new car? Get a job . You helped him to get the car he wrecked, now another car has to be totally on him. </p><p></p><p>I agree to stop giving him rides except to school and work IF public transportation is not available. </p><p></p><p>Copa, you made the most excellent point about college. I wish I would have known that /followed that when our son started college and started smoking pot. We should have pulled the plug asap. I had a bad therapist at the time who made it sound like pot was not a big deal. That "they all do that". Bad advise! Son spiraled into using other drugs (as I knew he would from my own experience) and we hung in there with him because we wanted him to get that degree. He kept up good grades , so we persisted .In retrospect big mistake. A better approach is a consequence to the behavior. I wish we would have pulled the car (which is now junked) , and pulled him from school until he felt ready to focus on school instead of partying. He has a degree but no self esteem to go with it. </p><p></p><p>Lost17, it is very important that your son experiences the consequences of his actions. Do not "help" him . It is enabling the bad behavior. The more consequences he experiences, the more he will learn .As long as there is a payoff to his behavior, it will persist.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752345, member: 24254"] I agree with what has been said . Take back control of your house. Ignore his attacks that you are a bad mother etc - it's a ploy to activate your guilt which will not help you to feel empowered. He is 17 - he doesn't know what a good parent is, yet. Stop the money. Don't pay for anything and let him work for everything that is important to him .He wants a phone? Get a job .He wants a new car? Get a job . You helped him to get the car he wrecked, now another car has to be totally on him. I agree to stop giving him rides except to school and work IF public transportation is not available. Copa, you made the most excellent point about college. I wish I would have known that /followed that when our son started college and started smoking pot. We should have pulled the plug asap. I had a bad therapist at the time who made it sound like pot was not a big deal. That "they all do that". Bad advise! Son spiraled into using other drugs (as I knew he would from my own experience) and we hung in there with him because we wanted him to get that degree. He kept up good grades , so we persisted .In retrospect big mistake. A better approach is a consequence to the behavior. I wish we would have pulled the car (which is now junked) , and pulled him from school until he felt ready to focus on school instead of partying. He has a degree but no self esteem to go with it. Lost17, it is very important that your son experiences the consequences of his actions. Do not "help" him . It is enabling the bad behavior. The more consequences he experiences, the more he will learn .As long as there is a payoff to his behavior, it will persist. [/QUOTE]
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