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Here is my Story... I am sorry so long...
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 103796" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>No one can tell you if this is the right place for your son but you.</p><p></p><p>However, I would have some major issues if my daughter were there. My daughter was a 3-hour flight from me. As with all parents, whether they were 15 minutes away or in another country, we were allowed one visit a month, two phone calls per week. The visits were never taken away. The phone calls were if there were behavior issues. In addition, there parent seminars every three months. These were held on campus, some were with our kids, some without. All were geared to help us change our parenting style. In addition, there was at least weekly contact with staff to find out how our kids were doing.</p><p></p><p>The levels are common and the kids usually feel they are impossible to accomplish. They aren't meant to be easy but they are doable. My daughter spent at least the first 8 months, if not the first 12 not working the program at all. She simply went through the motions and tried to "look good." No one fell for it.</p><p></p><p>To have staff tell you that when a kid has run away and they'll continue searching in the morning doesn't feel right to me. I can kind of understand them saying it is too dangerous to search at night (many searches quit at sunset if the terrain is bad), but I'd expect there to be more understanding and a much better explanation from the staff. </p><p></p><p>As to your feelings, they are common. We all feel that way. I know I cried myself many nights wondering if I'd done the right thing in sending her there (and her behavior wasn't half as extreme as your son's is). Whenever I visited, I wanted to grab her and take her home. She was miserable. I was miserable. I saw no progress. So, why was I making us both unhappy? Fortunately, I stuck it out, but it was so very hard.</p><p></p><p>Did you agree to have them trial without his medications? If so, it is time to say you've had your chance without them, now please put him back on them. He's shown he functions better with medications than without. Not every kid can change with just behavior modification. For some, medications are a lifetime reality.</p><p></p><p>As hard as it is, remind yourself that you still have your son. He's just not with you right now but he's still yours. And where he is is far, far better than where he was headed. If he continued with the same behavior, you know he would end up in juvie at the very least and prison was a very real future for him. At least this way he has a chance to turn his life around.</p><p></p><p>You need to get you to a therapist, possibly a psychiatrist to get some medications for your depression. You need to stop drinking daily. This helps no one, least of all you. When he comes home, you're going to need all of your strength to help him. If you're drunk or drinking, you're not going to be in any shape to help anyone.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, (((((DAVID)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 103796, member: 3626"] No one can tell you if this is the right place for your son but you. However, I would have some major issues if my daughter were there. My daughter was a 3-hour flight from me. As with all parents, whether they were 15 minutes away or in another country, we were allowed one visit a month, two phone calls per week. The visits were never taken away. The phone calls were if there were behavior issues. In addition, there parent seminars every three months. These were held on campus, some were with our kids, some without. All were geared to help us change our parenting style. In addition, there was at least weekly contact with staff to find out how our kids were doing. The levels are common and the kids usually feel they are impossible to accomplish. They aren't meant to be easy but they are doable. My daughter spent at least the first 8 months, if not the first 12 not working the program at all. She simply went through the motions and tried to "look good." No one fell for it. To have staff tell you that when a kid has run away and they'll continue searching in the morning doesn't feel right to me. I can kind of understand them saying it is too dangerous to search at night (many searches quit at sunset if the terrain is bad), but I'd expect there to be more understanding and a much better explanation from the staff. As to your feelings, they are common. We all feel that way. I know I cried myself many nights wondering if I'd done the right thing in sending her there (and her behavior wasn't half as extreme as your son's is). Whenever I visited, I wanted to grab her and take her home. She was miserable. I was miserable. I saw no progress. So, why was I making us both unhappy? Fortunately, I stuck it out, but it was so very hard. Did you agree to have them trial without his medications? If so, it is time to say you've had your chance without them, now please put him back on them. He's shown he functions better with medications than without. Not every kid can change with just behavior modification. For some, medications are a lifetime reality. As hard as it is, remind yourself that you still have your son. He's just not with you right now but he's still yours. And where he is is far, far better than where he was headed. If he continued with the same behavior, you know he would end up in juvie at the very least and prison was a very real future for him. At least this way he has a chance to turn his life around. You need to get you to a therapist, possibly a psychiatrist to get some medications for your depression. You need to stop drinking daily. This helps no one, least of all you. When he comes home, you're going to need all of your strength to help him. If you're drunk or drinking, you're not going to be in any shape to help anyone. In the meantime, (((((DAVID))))) [/QUOTE]
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