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Here is my Story... I am sorry so long...
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<blockquote data-quote="DavidWH" data-source="post: 103988" data-attributes="member: 4398"><p>Again, thanks for the replies</p><p></p><p>Want to answer some questions as well clear up somethings that make me wonder if I should just pull him out of the program.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Q. "Are you sure that this is the right fit for you son? At 5k per month, I'm hoping he is seeing psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers - very often. Like daily."</p><p></p><p>A. I am now after 4 months convinced it is a self paced program and the "Learning" they do is more from peer pressure, as well as hard labor if you really mess up (IE... run away, fight ect...) until you can prove you deserve to be with your group again, and get you privileges back, this WOULD INCLUDE going to school. (My Son has all F's for lack of attendance, there for a few weeks when he had issues, and has not gotten caught up yet, so he failed on first report card) they see a "Counselor" when ever they want, this person is also my contact at camp she keeps in touch with me one or two times a week to give me updates and so on she also is the "family therapist" one time a month my son and I spend an hour with her talking. They see a psychiatrist... once a month and he I feel now is just for medications management, nothing more. </p><p></p><p>Q. "He will only get out if he does the work? Does this program have a set of goals he has to accomplish each week? Are they attainable? Do you support the program when in his presence?" </p><p></p><p>A. Yes, they have a level system is it not an easy system for the boys, and it is after watching it for 4 months a system that expects perfection in your level (one out of line problem, IE... forgetting your water bottle laying around somewhere, screws up it all) if perfection is not accomplished, you must start over for one more week and try again. My Son is stuck in the first level (they have mini levels with in each level, he is on the last mini level) - He can be removed by me at any time, he knows this (oh yes he does) some are placed there by judge and not allow to leave with out court permission. The level system is so difficult they have told us that 80% of kinds leave in the second level (out of 5) just due to time 9 to 12 months have gone by and parents feel good thing have been done so time to come home, or insurance says no more and they discharge the kids. - I do support the main focus of the program, I did allot of research of different camps this one seemed the best but of course I had no 3rd party to talk to and get feedback from, IE my complaint they have no real support for parents.</p><p></p><p>===</p><p></p><p> I think my issues are two fold, one the feeling that, he is my child and I have the responsibility to care for him and bring him up, yes I was loosing it the last year or so I could not handle the disrespect, refusal to do school work or simply go to class, and the getting put out of school 12 to 18 times each school year for stupid junk, funny thing.. I have NEVER heard my kid cuss.... Yet school and even at the camp they tell me that he swears at adults every name you can think of when he is upset. Yet he will not swear in front of me.. never has.</p><p></p><p>Sad thing is I have a Brother and he does not like my Son, my Brother and I are very close, (now not talking only because he did not allow his young daughters to come and visit my Son for thanksgiving after he was told that my Son wanted to see his cousins, (they visit our state one time a year only for holiday with my Brother (their Dad) - My Brother does not understand "problem" kids, his daughters are perfect and never get in trouble. - My Brother is like this I believe because of what he saw my Son putting Me through... while I feel like I want to thank him for caring about me, I want him to understand this is my child and I LOVE my child no matter what he does to me, he is still a child and he needs family... You do not have to agree but darn'it support... He of course does not support my wanting my Son home and trying again. </p><p></p><p>Then I have a Mom, she is very close to my Son out of 12 Grand kids, my Son is the only one she gets to spend time with and have a part in his life, for a number of different reasons, (other states, one of my siblings is an outcast to us other siblings and we do not talk) </p><p></p><p>She does not even support him coming home she knows I need to get myself right first... I do agree I know I need to get back above ground, get back to work and stop sitting at home bored all day missing my Son. </p><p></p><p>When my Son was in the middle of all hell last couple of years everyone in my family told me just to take him to DSS and drop him off... So I do not have much of trust in what they have to tell me.</p><p> </p><p>I also am just having a hard time understanding if the program is the right thing, most of the boys there are really messed up, meaning drugs, drinking, smoking and so on.. my Son never tried anything like this, I also see parents that clearly are glad their son is out of the home and they even do not come to visit when they could to "punish" their Son for something they did. Or they leave early during family day or some do not even show up. My Son told me one time that I come up to visit more than any other parents and that even the boys in his group noticed it. </p><p> </p><p>Like yesterday when I get the call from them if anything is not good news, this is when I really go into fighting myself about whether to just go and get him or let him suffer there. I am so afraid that he tries to run away again, no matter what I am pulling him out using it as the final straw for safety issues. </p><p> </p><p>The more I write here now, the more I see I am not doing the wrong thing by getting him help, but I keep going back to my fight for many years since he was a little one, was to get Dr's to do some test, I want to know what is wrong, shoot my Son wants to know what is wrong with him, he has said he wants to be like other kids and does not understand why he can not be. </p><p> </p><p>My Son has zero friends, (in the real world) easy for him to make friends but they get to know him and leave him, in school he thought acting up was a good thing, he got kids to laugh at him and tell him how brave he was for being this way... I never could get it trough his head that, this was not a good way to find real frineds, at almost 15 years old this child has never one time been invited to a friends birthday party, never spent the night at a friends house... I can count on both hands how many times he has had friends into our home to play video games....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DavidWH, post: 103988, member: 4398"] Again, thanks for the replies Want to answer some questions as well clear up somethings that make me wonder if I should just pull him out of the program. Q. "Are you sure that this is the right fit for you son? At 5k per month, I'm hoping he is seeing psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers - very often. Like daily." A. I am now after 4 months convinced it is a self paced program and the "Learning" they do is more from peer pressure, as well as hard labor if you really mess up (IE... run away, fight ect...) until you can prove you deserve to be with your group again, and get you privileges back, this WOULD INCLUDE going to school. (My Son has all F's for lack of attendance, there for a few weeks when he had issues, and has not gotten caught up yet, so he failed on first report card) they see a "Counselor" when ever they want, this person is also my contact at camp she keeps in touch with me one or two times a week to give me updates and so on she also is the "family therapist" one time a month my son and I spend an hour with her talking. They see a psychiatrist... once a month and he I feel now is just for medications management, nothing more. Q. "He will only get out if he does the work? Does this program have a set of goals he has to accomplish each week? Are they attainable? Do you support the program when in his presence?" A. Yes, they have a level system is it not an easy system for the boys, and it is after watching it for 4 months a system that expects perfection in your level (one out of line problem, IE... forgetting your water bottle laying around somewhere, screws up it all) if perfection is not accomplished, you must start over for one more week and try again. My Son is stuck in the first level (they have mini levels with in each level, he is on the last mini level) - He can be removed by me at any time, he knows this (oh yes he does) some are placed there by judge and not allow to leave with out court permission. The level system is so difficult they have told us that 80% of kinds leave in the second level (out of 5) just due to time 9 to 12 months have gone by and parents feel good thing have been done so time to come home, or insurance says no more and they discharge the kids. - I do support the main focus of the program, I did allot of research of different camps this one seemed the best but of course I had no 3rd party to talk to and get feedback from, IE my complaint they have no real support for parents. === I think my issues are two fold, one the feeling that, he is my child and I have the responsibility to care for him and bring him up, yes I was loosing it the last year or so I could not handle the disrespect, refusal to do school work or simply go to class, and the getting put out of school 12 to 18 times each school year for stupid junk, funny thing.. I have NEVER heard my kid cuss.... Yet school and even at the camp they tell me that he swears at adults every name you can think of when he is upset. Yet he will not swear in front of me.. never has. Sad thing is I have a Brother and he does not like my Son, my Brother and I are very close, (now not talking only because he did not allow his young daughters to come and visit my Son for thanksgiving after he was told that my Son wanted to see his cousins, (they visit our state one time a year only for holiday with my Brother (their Dad) - My Brother does not understand "problem" kids, his daughters are perfect and never get in trouble. - My Brother is like this I believe because of what he saw my Son putting Me through... while I feel like I want to thank him for caring about me, I want him to understand this is my child and I LOVE my child no matter what he does to me, he is still a child and he needs family... You do not have to agree but darn'it support... He of course does not support my wanting my Son home and trying again. Then I have a Mom, she is very close to my Son out of 12 Grand kids, my Son is the only one she gets to spend time with and have a part in his life, for a number of different reasons, (other states, one of my siblings is an outcast to us other siblings and we do not talk) She does not even support him coming home she knows I need to get myself right first... I do agree I know I need to get back above ground, get back to work and stop sitting at home bored all day missing my Son. When my Son was in the middle of all hell last couple of years everyone in my family told me just to take him to DSS and drop him off... So I do not have much of trust in what they have to tell me. I also am just having a hard time understanding if the program is the right thing, most of the boys there are really messed up, meaning drugs, drinking, smoking and so on.. my Son never tried anything like this, I also see parents that clearly are glad their son is out of the home and they even do not come to visit when they could to "punish" their Son for something they did. Or they leave early during family day or some do not even show up. My Son told me one time that I come up to visit more than any other parents and that even the boys in his group noticed it. Like yesterday when I get the call from them if anything is not good news, this is when I really go into fighting myself about whether to just go and get him or let him suffer there. I am so afraid that he tries to run away again, no matter what I am pulling him out using it as the final straw for safety issues. The more I write here now, the more I see I am not doing the wrong thing by getting him help, but I keep going back to my fight for many years since he was a little one, was to get Dr's to do some test, I want to know what is wrong, shoot my Son wants to know what is wrong with him, he has said he wants to be like other kids and does not understand why he can not be. My Son has zero friends, (in the real world) easy for him to make friends but they get to know him and leave him, in school he thought acting up was a good thing, he got kids to laugh at him and tell him how brave he was for being this way... I never could get it trough his head that, this was not a good way to find real frineds, at almost 15 years old this child has never one time been invited to a friends birthday party, never spent the night at a friends house... I can count on both hands how many times he has had friends into our home to play video games.... [/QUOTE]
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