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Here is my Story... I am sorry so long...
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 104023" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>David, I'll make a bet with you. Tell your son that if he runs again he will be pulled from the camp. I'm willing to bet he will run within an hour of his hearing that.</p><p></p><p>So far as you know, your son did not drink or use drugs or smoke. So far as you knew, he did not curse, either. In other words, he may have done more than you think he did. My daughter has confessed things to me that she did when she was 12 and 13 just recently. I would have sworn she would never ever do those type of things. Your son did, however, break into people's home. </p><p></p><p>He is basically no better nor worse than the boys in his camp. They are kids on the wrong path. They've done some horrid, stupid things. Some will regret their past behavior and try to change. Some will seriously try to go up in levels. Some will try to just look good but don't really want to try to change. Some are loved, some are resented. </p><p></p><p>Your son is lucky -- he is loved tremendously. He also knows how to use this love quite well. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your son knows how to manipulate you quite well. Most of our kids are pros at this. Sometimes, it takes awhile for us to see the manipulation for what it is. </p><p></p><p>You've done some wonderful things for your son. You most certainly have not failed as a father. If your son had cancer, would you hesitate to take him to a hospital that has a good track record of helping kids with his form of cancer, even if it meant leaving him there for more than year? You obviously could not cure him of the cancer. Other places couldn't work with this type of cancer. Well, this is the same thing but it is a matter of mental and behavorial issues rather than a physical illness.</p><p></p><p>Your son needs more help than you can give him at this time. You researched this place. If you feel they can help your son, leave him there regardless of whether he runs again or not, whether he goes up in levels or not. There is no camp, school, facility that is going to make a loving parent happy. We want our kids home. PERIOD. We took our kids to these places for very good reasons. If, however, you feel they will not be able to help your son, then now is the time to start looking for a different place to send him. Mind you, I did not say bring him home. He needs more help than you can give him at this time.</p><p></p><p>As for you, make the necessary appointments to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Don't do them for you, even though you will benefit as well. Do them because your son needs a father in full control of his faculties. Depression is a nasty disease. It impairs your judgment, causes you to be unable to do much. The longer it persists, the less you can do. It is a physical illness and it can be helped with medication. So, get the medications. You're not talking a lifetime commitment, you're talking getting the seratonin back into your body.</p><p></p><p>You need therapy to help you sort through what has happened in your life and in your son's. As much as you love him, it would put you in the sainthood category if you didn't hold some resentment towards him. You've lost a lot because of his behavior -- homes, a job, your brother. Believe it or not, it is okay to resent his behavior and still love him. Ask us -- we've all been there. A good therapist will help you cope with being separated from your son. (I do understand -- I was basically the only adult in my daughter's life since the day I adopted her.) A good therapist will help you plan what steps will be needed when your son comes home. Remember, he will still be the same kid with, hopefully, some tools to help him not act out so much.</p><p></p><p>Medication for now for the depression and therapy to help you cope with raising your son will be two of the best gifts you can give your son at this time. You'll be a happier person, a stronger adult and a much better parent. So, if you can't do it for you, do it for him.</p><p></p><p>(Sorry, I'm not good at writing short stuff!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 104023, member: 3626"] David, I'll make a bet with you. Tell your son that if he runs again he will be pulled from the camp. I'm willing to bet he will run within an hour of his hearing that. So far as you know, your son did not drink or use drugs or smoke. So far as you knew, he did not curse, either. In other words, he may have done more than you think he did. My daughter has confessed things to me that she did when she was 12 and 13 just recently. I would have sworn she would never ever do those type of things. Your son did, however, break into people's home. He is basically no better nor worse than the boys in his camp. They are kids on the wrong path. They've done some horrid, stupid things. Some will regret their past behavior and try to change. Some will seriously try to go up in levels. Some will try to just look good but don't really want to try to change. Some are loved, some are resented. Your son is lucky -- he is loved tremendously. He also knows how to use this love quite well. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your son knows how to manipulate you quite well. Most of our kids are pros at this. Sometimes, it takes awhile for us to see the manipulation for what it is. You've done some wonderful things for your son. You most certainly have not failed as a father. If your son had cancer, would you hesitate to take him to a hospital that has a good track record of helping kids with his form of cancer, even if it meant leaving him there for more than year? You obviously could not cure him of the cancer. Other places couldn't work with this type of cancer. Well, this is the same thing but it is a matter of mental and behavorial issues rather than a physical illness. Your son needs more help than you can give him at this time. You researched this place. If you feel they can help your son, leave him there regardless of whether he runs again or not, whether he goes up in levels or not. There is no camp, school, facility that is going to make a loving parent happy. We want our kids home. PERIOD. We took our kids to these places for very good reasons. If, however, you feel they will not be able to help your son, then now is the time to start looking for a different place to send him. Mind you, I did not say bring him home. He needs more help than you can give him at this time. As for you, make the necessary appointments to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Don't do them for you, even though you will benefit as well. Do them because your son needs a father in full control of his faculties. Depression is a nasty disease. It impairs your judgment, causes you to be unable to do much. The longer it persists, the less you can do. It is a physical illness and it can be helped with medication. So, get the medications. You're not talking a lifetime commitment, you're talking getting the seratonin back into your body. You need therapy to help you sort through what has happened in your life and in your son's. As much as you love him, it would put you in the sainthood category if you didn't hold some resentment towards him. You've lost a lot because of his behavior -- homes, a job, your brother. Believe it or not, it is okay to resent his behavior and still love him. Ask us -- we've all been there. A good therapist will help you cope with being separated from your son. (I do understand -- I was basically the only adult in my daughter's life since the day I adopted her.) A good therapist will help you plan what steps will be needed when your son comes home. Remember, he will still be the same kid with, hopefully, some tools to help him not act out so much. Medication for now for the depression and therapy to help you cope with raising your son will be two of the best gifts you can give your son at this time. You'll be a happier person, a stronger adult and a much better parent. So, if you can't do it for you, do it for him. (Sorry, I'm not good at writing short stuff!) [/QUOTE]
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