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Here is my story some advice would really help!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 111127" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>At this point in time, I would seriously worry more about his drug use and not about if he drops out of school and works at McDonalds. He can catch up later. He needs to get straight or he won't succeed, no matter how you try to change that. Here's our story: I have a 23 year old daughter who used to abuse drugs from ages 12-19. We took her to therapists, psychiatrists--ack, they didn't get the drug use--they called her bipolar. At that time, we hadn't known she was using more than "a little pot." As time went on she sabataged everything we tried to do to help her, I realized that our "saving" her was NOT working AT ALL. So we decided to use Tough Love (which is what other parents who'd been there recommended). We were fed up and did it. If she'd have ended up in jail, I would have kept her there. I can also almost guarantee you that your son is doing much more than pot. We thought daughter was just smoking pot too...haha. After she cleaned up her act, she told us the whole story. She'd done everything you can imagine--mostly ADHD stimulants (she and her friends would use a pillcrusher on them then snort them alone or with cocaine) and she even tried ecstasy and, yes, HEROIN a few times. I believe what saved her life was kicking her out when we came home (she was eighteen) and found her having a drug party with her pals. That was the final straw for us. She'd been on parole twice, we homeschooled her, she was in the hospital once after she pulled a knife on herself, and she also took our car (what's with the cars) and drove it to another state where it blew up. Haha...bet she was driving fast. Needless to say, we took her license and, in the end, when she had to leave, I didn't know if I'd done the right thing or not and cried my eyes out. But it worked. She really pulled it together when she saw that we sure weren't going to bail her out. She was lucky. Her older brother, a straight arrow, took her in, but he was STRICT. Maybe because she was dealing with her big brother whom she looked up to, maybe because her next step was homelessness, maybe because she decided it was time to straighten out...she got a meager job, walked to it every day, and really cleaned up her act. I think these kids need Tough Love, NOT "oh, I have to save him" because it does NOT work. My daughter has told me "Never trust a drug addict." You can't. Your son has already been in more trouble than my daughter has--I'd never have bailed him out of jail--I would have hoped he learned from it and got help and maybe was put in treatment so he'd be off the street. Your son is almost a man and legal. </p><p>I strongly recommend posting on "Teen and Substance Abuse." I think parents there are more in touch with these sad problems than here, where many still have very young kids. Drug abusing teens are very VERY difficult. At your son's age nobody can stop his self-destruction except himself. And if his Dad doesn't do anything, and he's living there, well, he's still old enough to decide to quit his lifestyle. He isn't going to change in your house until he does make that decision. Personally I'd enjoy the respite from his dangerous behavior. This is a young man out-of-control and, hard as it is to face, the only person who can really help him is himself. I know--been there, done that. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 111127, member: 1550"] At this point in time, I would seriously worry more about his drug use and not about if he drops out of school and works at McDonalds. He can catch up later. He needs to get straight or he won't succeed, no matter how you try to change that. Here's our story: I have a 23 year old daughter who used to abuse drugs from ages 12-19. We took her to therapists, psychiatrists--ack, they didn't get the drug use--they called her bipolar. At that time, we hadn't known she was using more than "a little pot." As time went on she sabataged everything we tried to do to help her, I realized that our "saving" her was NOT working AT ALL. So we decided to use Tough Love (which is what other parents who'd been there recommended). We were fed up and did it. If she'd have ended up in jail, I would have kept her there. I can also almost guarantee you that your son is doing much more than pot. We thought daughter was just smoking pot too...haha. After she cleaned up her act, she told us the whole story. She'd done everything you can imagine--mostly ADHD stimulants (she and her friends would use a pillcrusher on them then snort them alone or with cocaine) and she even tried ecstasy and, yes, HEROIN a few times. I believe what saved her life was kicking her out when we came home (she was eighteen) and found her having a drug party with her pals. That was the final straw for us. She'd been on parole twice, we homeschooled her, she was in the hospital once after she pulled a knife on herself, and she also took our car (what's with the cars) and drove it to another state where it blew up. Haha...bet she was driving fast. Needless to say, we took her license and, in the end, when she had to leave, I didn't know if I'd done the right thing or not and cried my eyes out. But it worked. She really pulled it together when she saw that we sure weren't going to bail her out. She was lucky. Her older brother, a straight arrow, took her in, but he was STRICT. Maybe because she was dealing with her big brother whom she looked up to, maybe because her next step was homelessness, maybe because she decided it was time to straighten out...she got a meager job, walked to it every day, and really cleaned up her act. I think these kids need Tough Love, NOT "oh, I have to save him" because it does NOT work. My daughter has told me "Never trust a drug addict." You can't. Your son has already been in more trouble than my daughter has--I'd never have bailed him out of jail--I would have hoped he learned from it and got help and maybe was put in treatment so he'd be off the street. Your son is almost a man and legal. I strongly recommend posting on "Teen and Substance Abuse." I think parents there are more in touch with these sad problems than here, where many still have very young kids. Drug abusing teens are very VERY difficult. At your son's age nobody can stop his self-destruction except himself. And if his Dad doesn't do anything, and he's living there, well, he's still old enough to decide to quit his lifestyle. He isn't going to change in your house until he does make that decision. Personally I'd enjoy the respite from his dangerous behavior. This is a young man out-of-control and, hard as it is to face, the only person who can really help him is himself. I know--been there, done that. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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