Here we go again, again.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CrazyinVA, Nov 11, 2009.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It never fails that both my difficult children end up in some type of crisis at the same time.

    Oldest seems to have lost yet another job. It's the same story, she was unfairly treated, she's the victim, they were wrong, yada yada yada. She's gone through so many restaurant/bars in this area, it's getting hard to find new ones for which to work. Plus she hangs out in those bars and parties, so they know her and her temper and sometimes unstable behavior.

    In this case, reading between the lines, she was reprimanded for something, was in a bad mood, and snapped back at her manager. He told her they needed to discuss her employment status, she replied, "if you're going to fire me, just do it right now." He suspended her for 30 days instead. It's never her fault, of course. The bad mood excuses her behavior. He shouldn't have messed with her when she was in a bad mood, see. She says she always has the worst luck ... can't catch a break.. etc. etc.

    She was already late on her November rent, and now she can't pay that nor her December rent. She says her landlord is telling her she has to be out by Friday.. but I reminded her he has to formally evict her through teh court, serve her, give 30 days notice etc. I mentioned that doesnt' mean her roommates can't make her life miserable between now and then. She said her life couldn't get more miserable than it is right now.

    She called me to relate all this... and I listened then said, "I'm sorry, Oldest, but I've heard all this before." That ticked her off pretty badly. Just yesterday I had offered to bring her groceries because she said she couldn't afford to eat more than one meal a day. Now her mood has switched from despondent to defiant and resentful. She announced she would have someone drop off the bed and dresser I gave her, since she had no where to take them. I couldn't help it, I stifled a scoff (oooh the drama) .. she heard it over the phone and got mad again. FINE I'll just give them away ...

    Trying to remember that she does this to herself, over and over. I don't need to feel sorry for her and take her in. I don't want to enable her. This is going to be tough though.
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I feel for you. I find my difficult child has a similar attitude. Every time he gets disappointed by siblings, parents, employers or friends, it is always someone else's fault, as you wrote. They seem to be lacking the ability to look inwards at themselves and see where they themselves have made mistakes or could have acted differently, and then draw conclusions to improve their own situation. I find this so frustrating. When I try to point this out to him (not very often, he doesn't listen in any case), he says "Why are you getting angry?" He is always angry and negative. What is it with these kids?

    You are really being very strong in the attitude you are taking with her. I hope she comes to her senses soon.

    Love, Esther
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I remember M telling us he was ready for his bedroom furniture. His bedroom set? I bought it, I painted it, I kept the bedding clean. It wasn't his, it belonged in the bedroom. Hence it being "the bedroom set." He had been gone for a year, and didn't need anything from us, so he said. So that's what he got from us. Eventually, we sold it on Craigslist.

    I'm sure he could use it now. If he continues to do well in school, maybe I'll take him to the goodwill in the spring.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm sorry CIV...I wish there was something that would make them realize when YOUR ability to pity them is gone it's gone. After three days of Dude being here I felt the same way. Old habits raised their ugly head and I thought - YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. OH NO - and I threw some clothes into a trash bag, tossed the phone at him and said "Call someone - you need a ride, and a place you're outta here or we'll give you a nice sleeping bag and a ride downtown to the park."

    Dude is here, and testing limits. If we were like we were before? We'd be sunk. Why just yesterday we left him a list of chores to do and he did nothing, didn't look for a job and then had the nerve to ask for a soda. DF made dinner for me and him - and Dude came in from a friends house and said "Where's my dinner?" DF said - "At the mission, and when you get there if you think you'll get this (pointed to nice chicken dinner) kind of meal for raking a few lousy leaves, vacuuming the house and filling in 2 holes in the backyard, doing your laundry free? Brother are you mistaken." and with that - we pointed to the 2 slices of bread and a cup of water left for him on the stove complete with a bill - $2.00."

    This morning? The house was vacuumed, the dishwasher was unloaded, the doors were cleaned in and out, the bathrooms were cleaned, the laundry was washed, dried and folded, the floors were swept and mopped and without being asked the trash was taken out. - DF said - well that paid for breakfast and squatting here. OMG:surprise: What ya got planned for paying for your lunch? - I don't think he was kidding. No perks - and now that HE has drug "daddy" into it? HOW convenient. GO THERE. :faint:

    I'm not sure what the conversation was while I was gone - but I don't want to know. Just know I'm not living in a house where I go to work, pay bills AND clean while a difficult child sits home, watches MTV, and rules my life.
    NO MORE VALDEEZ WITZ....I AM NOT AN ANIMAL (nor am I an otter) ;)

    Crazy - I'm so sorry this is where your daughter is at right now. I hope something happens - maybe this finally be the nut that hits her in the head. This Auntie hopes so.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Darn....listening to this, I have to realize just how far Cory has

    Im so sorry CIV. I know how hard it is not to get hoovered into their drama. I think I am the one guilty of inserting myself more than Cory trying to pull me after reading these posts. I get worried and think he cant make it and try to rescue. He told me point blank he isnt coming home...ever. It would be admitting defeat and he isnt doing that. He will find something, somewhere if he has to live in a tent or on friends sofas but he will never come back here. He knows I would let him but he just wont do it. I guess that is a good thing. I guess kicking him out had the desired effect of making him grow up. Just feels