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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 240314" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>WHile I won't undermine another adult, I will also avoid supporting one I feel is in the wrong.</p><p></p><p>In this case I would simply say to Wynter (if she brings up the subject of mean Nana), "That is between you and Nana. I can't interfere."</p><p></p><p>I remember when I was a kid, and had trouble with a teacher at school. I complained to my mother and got yelled at because you should always respect your teachers and never criticise them.</p><p>Then my mother did eventually go to the school (may have been summoned, I can't remember now). It wasn't easy to get to my school, for my mother. It was over an hour each way by public transport. After my mother met my teacher, again it was reinforced that I had to respect my teacher and do what she said. I was very upset by this because I felt the teacher was being unreasonable. Now, years later, from the point of view of myself as a parent, I still feel that teacher was very much in the wrong. But at the time, I got nowhere asking my mother to understand.</p><p></p><p>But years later when I was an adult, my mother reminisced about my idiot teacher and what airs she put on, and what arrogance she had, and so on. So basically, at the time my mtoher DID understand, but she wouldn't admit to it at the time because all adults have to stick together and not lose face in front of a child.</p><p></p><p>I strongly believe my mother's approach is wrong. But back then, it was the done thing. </p><p></p><p>SInce then, if there's a problem with a teacher and difficult child 3 (or difficult child 3 and another adult) I try and help difficult child 3 see the other adult's point of view or at least get difficult child 3 to be generous in his attitude. However, if the other adult has done the wrong thing, I agree with difficult child 3 and try to help negotiate some sort of resolution. Or if nothing can be resolved, I help difficult child 3 to come to terms with it and move on. </p><p>"OK, that lady was probably wrong to shout at you for not immediately getting up and giving her your seat. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe her feet were really hurting (which happens to a lot of adults). If you get cranky at her, then you will both be cranky. And why let someone else make you angry? Just know that you're a good person and she doesn't know you well enough to know that. It won't hurt you to stand for a little while, you'll probably get a better view out of the window anyway."</p><p></p><p>You say that Wynter was PO'd at you, but you expect her to come out ranting about Nana. So maybe getting mad at you was Wynter's way of staying safer in her anger, because it's easier to vent at your mother than at your grandmother, because Mum understands better.</p><p>In other words, she probably wasn't really mad at you (except maybe for not telling Nana to pull her head in).</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 240314, member: 1991"] WHile I won't undermine another adult, I will also avoid supporting one I feel is in the wrong. In this case I would simply say to Wynter (if she brings up the subject of mean Nana), "That is between you and Nana. I can't interfere." I remember when I was a kid, and had trouble with a teacher at school. I complained to my mother and got yelled at because you should always respect your teachers and never criticise them. Then my mother did eventually go to the school (may have been summoned, I can't remember now). It wasn't easy to get to my school, for my mother. It was over an hour each way by public transport. After my mother met my teacher, again it was reinforced that I had to respect my teacher and do what she said. I was very upset by this because I felt the teacher was being unreasonable. Now, years later, from the point of view of myself as a parent, I still feel that teacher was very much in the wrong. But at the time, I got nowhere asking my mother to understand. But years later when I was an adult, my mother reminisced about my idiot teacher and what airs she put on, and what arrogance she had, and so on. So basically, at the time my mtoher DID understand, but she wouldn't admit to it at the time because all adults have to stick together and not lose face in front of a child. I strongly believe my mother's approach is wrong. But back then, it was the done thing. SInce then, if there's a problem with a teacher and difficult child 3 (or difficult child 3 and another adult) I try and help difficult child 3 see the other adult's point of view or at least get difficult child 3 to be generous in his attitude. However, if the other adult has done the wrong thing, I agree with difficult child 3 and try to help negotiate some sort of resolution. Or if nothing can be resolved, I help difficult child 3 to come to terms with it and move on. "OK, that lady was probably wrong to shout at you for not immediately getting up and giving her your seat. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe her feet were really hurting (which happens to a lot of adults). If you get cranky at her, then you will both be cranky. And why let someone else make you angry? Just know that you're a good person and she doesn't know you well enough to know that. It won't hurt you to stand for a little while, you'll probably get a better view out of the window anyway." You say that Wynter was PO'd at you, but you expect her to come out ranting about Nana. So maybe getting mad at you was Wynter's way of staying safer in her anger, because it's easier to vent at your mother than at your grandmother, because Mum understands better. In other words, she probably wasn't really mad at you (except maybe for not telling Nana to pull her head in). Marg [/QUOTE]
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