Here We Go Again!

[JKF]

I got a call at 11:30 this morning that difficult child ran away again from the residential. He was mad because they wanted him to clean his room and do his laundry and he didn't want to. He basically threatened a female staff member there and told her to get away from him and that if she knew what he wanted to do to her she would be scared. And then he ran away! The cops found him and brought him back to the residential and of course difficult child threatened to kill himself! So they took him to the hospital. He's there now with one of the staff members from the residential. I'm sure he'll be admitted since he's a threat to himself and others.

I seriously don't think I can do this anymore. I'm at the point of throwing my hands in the air and being done. We can't even live in peace with difficult child OUT of the house. I'm pretty much at my breaking point now! We love him very much but he's doing nothing to help himself. He's worse than ever and it scares me.

 

[JKF]

And then of course the residential just informed me that there's a bed open in a hospital 4 hours away and that I need to go there to sign him in! I said nope sorry! Not doing it! NO WAY! I'm done! They can call DYFS! I can't do this anymore!!!!

 

[buddy]

even if you weren't done, really??? they want you to drive 4 hours to sign him in? they never heard of a fax machine? (unless that can't be done for some legal reason, but I can't imagine this is the first time someone cant go sign someone in to the place in person...) I dont know anything about res. and how treatment goes. How long has he been there (sorry I forgot)? I do know for us, any time we have new behavior expectations/settings/ whatever...it always gets much much worse before it gets better. You have been through so much, I'd be feeling the same, he has to have a breakthrough of some kind. I'm sorry for your family. Big Hug.

 

[JKF]

They said I physically have to sign him in! This isn't the first time this has happened either. In August when we were 3 hours away on vacation I had to drive here and then back to the beach just to sign him into the shelter he was ordered into while awaiting the residential placement. I drove 6 hours round trip just to sign a piece of paper!!!! At this point I'm done! I'm done driving all over the state to sign him in and out of hospitals! I physically and mentally can NOT do it anymore! And the thing that makes me the most angry is that he uses the suicide threats to get what he wants. He does this every time he gets in trouble. Threatens to kill himself and then goes on a little "vacation" to the psychiatric ward so that he can play the pity card to everyone!

 

[BusynMember]

If it makes you feel any better, I can't imagine doing that either, especially if you know he is just trying to get out of trouble by threatening suicide.

Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hasn't helped him, obviously. Not sure what a hospitalization would do. Exactly nothing, is my guess.

Although I am not sure he can help what he is (I saw his birthfather's history), there is still a point when a child is dangerous to the rest of you and you have no choice but to let go or be destroyed. I do not believe all kids can be saved, and I do feel that genetics is a huge factor. Children who are adopted and have a biological parent in prison have a far greater chance of ending up there, even if they never me the birthparent and even if their adoptive parents are wonderful. Shocking, sad, but true.

I support your decision.

 

[Liahona]

I'd be worried that 4 hours away is to close. He runs and is dangerous to you. Why do they want to put him in a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? what is different about the one they want him in? or are they just bouncing him from one Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to another because of his threat level?

 

[JKF]

Thanks MidwestMom! This whole thing is destroying our family and it has to stop now. It's not that we don't love difficult child but he has been given every opportunity to receive help and he refuses to do so. He only wants to do what he wants to do. I can't keep living in fear that he's going to kill us or himself or run away, etc. I can't allow him to keep disrupting my life and the lives of my husband and 10 year old son. We want the best for difficult child but he has to want that too! I've been trying to help him in every way I can but I can't give more than he's willing to give! As for the suicide threats that's often his "MO" when he gets in trouble or doesn't get his own way! I'm not going to drive all over the state today for something like that. If he was seriously in trouble that would be different but this is the 6th time he's done this in the last year. If the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) needs to call DYFS than so be it. Maybe they can offer him something that we can't.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) Strength and support going out to you.

 

[JKF]

I'd be worried that 4 hours away is to close. He runs and is dangerous to you. Why do they want to put him in a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? what is different about the one they want him in? or are they just bouncing him from one Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to another because of his threat level?

It's not a different Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He threatened to kill himself after running away today so the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) had to bring him to the ER. The only psychiatric hospital with an open bed is 4 hours away and they want me to drive there to sign him in. In my opinion THEY can sign him in since he's in their care but since I'm the guardian they want me to do it. Only it's not happening. I'm not doing it! My husband is working out of state today and won't be home till midnight. My other son is sick and I'm not dragging him all over the world because his brother didn't get his own way today and decided to play the suicide card once again. NOT HAPPENING!

 

[JJJ]

There is no reason that you can't sign the necessary paperwork via fax. Heck, one of Kanga's hospitalizations, I signed her in via fax and 6 days later transferred her via fax, I never went to the psychiatric hospital.

Just tell the psychiatric hospital that it is not possible for you to get there and give them a fax number.

 

[Liahona]

If I took difficult child 1 to phos every time he threatened we'd be living there. Time for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to learn the fine line of watching but not reacting.

 

[TeDo]

Good for you JFK. There are other ways to consent. Call the hospital and tell them you are giving verbal consent until you can sign the paperwork when they get it to you.

 

[JKF]

If I took difficult child 1 to phos every time he threatened we'd be living there. Time for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to learn the fine line of watching but not reacting.

The problem with that is that difficult child made the threat in front of the police and they HAVE to take him once they hear that. difficult child knows how the system works and definitely uses it to his advantage.

 

[JKF]

Good for you JFK. There are other ways to consent. Call the hospital and tell them you are giving verbal consent until you can sign the paperwork when they get it to you.

That's what I said to the guy at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! I said I'm verbally consenting that he can be admitted. I just think the staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) doesn't feel like sitting there at the ER during the whole process of him being admitted. Too bad! That's their job!

 

[buddy]

That's what I said to the guy at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! I said I'm verbally consenting that he can be admitted. I just think the staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) doesn't feel like sitting there at the ER during the whole process of him being admitted. Too bad! That's their job!

yup! take care of your other son...he needs you, smile. good mommy choice

 

[BusynMember]

And they DO learn the system.

Look, you have another child and a husband and your own life and it sounds like you've done everything you can. Unless difficult child decides he desperately wants to change and is going to work like a biotch to change, he won't. You can't make anyone change by putting him into any program. No therapy will help somebody who doesn't have a high motivation level to to live a better life. No matter what you try, he has to reach into his soul first...before anything will help him.

If anyone had told me this before we adopted R., who turned out to be a psychopath in spite of how much we loved him, I would have been horrified to think somebody would advise me to EVER stop fighting for my own child. But now I know that it is useless to help somebody who is either genetically damaged or damaged too much from past life experiences and not really interested in being a different kind of person. Now I'm telling you...don't play his games or waste your life. Enjoy your blessings....the family and friends you have who value you and treat you well. You do not have to take abuse even from your own child.

JMO, of course.

 

[keista]

Sounds like these ppl are trying to do a number on you again. If he made such threats in front of the police, it is grounds for an INVOLUNTARY commit. IOW the police are the ones committing him. Your signature, or even consent is NOT required. I know laws vary by state, but there are always such provisions. Each time my kids were Baker Acted (FL involuntary commit), I had absolutely NO SAY in the matter and I was NOT required to sign them in. Only to sign them out.

 

[KTMom91]

Nothing to add, but sending hugs and support.

 

[JKF]

As always, I appreciate all of your support! I called the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at 5 pm to find out what's going on. I was told that difficult child was going to be admitted to a hospital but they didn't know which one yet. There are apparently two that have beds but both are hours away. Again I told the staff that I am NOT driving anywhere to sign anything tonight. They have my verbal consent and since he's in their care they can sign him in. He said he'd find out what's going on and call back but I haven't heard anything yet. All I know is that come 9 pm my ringer is going off and I'm going to bed. I'm mentally and physically exhausted at this point. I know that difficult child is safe and in the care of professionals so there's no need for me to stay up all night worrying. I'm not going to sit and wait all night for someone to call and tell me I need to drive there to sign papers. I will deal with all of that BS in the morning!

 

[buddy]

Now, THAT'S a plan!