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<blockquote data-quote="MissJuneBug" data-source="post: 711068" data-attributes="member: 21628"><p>That's an all too familiar feeling. Our son is an only child and having no other siblings to compare him to it's hard not to feel like we did something wrong. I know deep down, we didn't cause this. He was well-loved, taken care of, received a top notch education. All the adults in his life were emotionally strong, kind, caring, hard-working, very successful and responsible. He had great role models. We have been supportative, engaged and there for him all his life.</p><p></p><p><em>This</em> is him choosing to deal with life using very poor coping skills. Poor coping skills always lead to bad choices and more crisis and chaos that they are unable to cope with in a responsible manner. It because a self-perpetuating spiral.</p><p></p><p>Like all of us, they have opportunities to learn how to deal with life without resorting to substance misuse and other irresponsible life choices. The work to do this isn't easy and takes a fair amount of time (a year or more of weekly counseling). Our rehab programs tend to be ineffective because usually insurance won't pay for more than 30-60 days. One counselor told us that's not enough time to get to know them, let alone have them develop strong coping mechanisms. If they can get into a year long program, they have much better success rates.</p><p></p><p>Someone mentioned on another thread that although our children may be suffering from anxiety and/or depression or other mental health issues, that doesn't mean they get a pass on developing a responsible, adult lifestyle. I've thought about this a lot and I agree. They have an issue that has been identified, now it's up to them to 'do the work' and take the necessary medications. For someone who is motivated, there are services available in most cities and all but the most serious mental health issues are treatable and controllable to a large degree..... if the patient is motivated and compliant. </p><p></p><p>So, at this point it becomes their responsibility to learn how to deal with life's ups and downs, how to support themselves and maintain good relationships. All of us on this forum have at various times sought treatment for our kids, directed them to the appropriate resources, tried motivating them, blah, blah, blah.... at the end of the day, it's their 'failure' for not working to improve their emotional intelligence and skills, not ours.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissJuneBug, post: 711068, member: 21628"] That's an all too familiar feeling. Our son is an only child and having no other siblings to compare him to it's hard not to feel like we did something wrong. I know deep down, we didn't cause this. He was well-loved, taken care of, received a top notch education. All the adults in his life were emotionally strong, kind, caring, hard-working, very successful and responsible. He had great role models. We have been supportative, engaged and there for him all his life. [I]This[/I] is him choosing to deal with life using very poor coping skills. Poor coping skills always lead to bad choices and more crisis and chaos that they are unable to cope with in a responsible manner. It because a self-perpetuating spiral. Like all of us, they have opportunities to learn how to deal with life without resorting to substance misuse and other irresponsible life choices. The work to do this isn't easy and takes a fair amount of time (a year or more of weekly counseling). Our rehab programs tend to be ineffective because usually insurance won't pay for more than 30-60 days. One counselor told us that's not enough time to get to know them, let alone have them develop strong coping mechanisms. If they can get into a year long program, they have much better success rates. Someone mentioned on another thread that although our children may be suffering from anxiety and/or depression or other mental health issues, that doesn't mean they get a pass on developing a responsible, adult lifestyle. I've thought about this a lot and I agree. They have an issue that has been identified, now it's up to them to 'do the work' and take the necessary medications. For someone who is motivated, there are services available in most cities and all but the most serious mental health issues are treatable and controllable to a large degree..... if the patient is motivated and compliant. So, at this point it becomes their responsibility to learn how to deal with life's ups and downs, how to support themselves and maintain good relationships. All of us on this forum have at various times sought treatment for our kids, directed them to the appropriate resources, tried motivating them, blah, blah, blah.... at the end of the day, it's their 'failure' for not working to improve their emotional intelligence and skills, not ours. [/QUOTE]
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