When you said your husband was dry, you said a mouthful.
He is NOT sober. There is a difference. He needs to get to AA. IF he has lived for a period of time, using alcohol to escape reality, and he suddenly just stops drinking, the hard truth is, he still has not learned how to deal with reality WITHOUT the alcohol. He is what they call a dry drunk. He is acting as horrible without the booze as he would be if he were on it.
Alcoholism is a disease. Drinking is only a symptom of it. He has a lot of issues that he needs to address. He NEEDS to go to AA or he will never address them. If he continues in this manner, first of all, what kind of role model is he setting for your son? Your son has no chance of getting better in that environment. Also, it won't be long before your DEX says "
it" and goes back to drinking. Old habits are easier to revert to UNTIL and UNLESS he learns a new way of behaving. The other hard truth is, he will NOT go to AA if he does not believe he needs it. He has to hit bottom first.
One last thing. Stop paying your son's fines. You are enabling both him and your dex. I am sorry if that is harsh, but you are.
Many hugs and prayers to you and your family.