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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 251942" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks, Ladies, for your support! I know everyone means well and is trying to be supportive. There is a difference, though, between psychiatrist telling gal that I need some help or we need family therapy to deal with all that's going on and psyc issues, etc, and telling gal that being a single mom to a teen boy trying to grow up is more stress than I can deal with. I can't believe that they can't see how the system's "help" is what causes more stress for us- they could have at least checked with difficult child's individual therapist from home to see what he was saying were difficult child's stressors.</p><p></p><p>And it is beyond me that people can't see the difference that is made when people in the system are backing up the parent to the kid instead of undermining the authority of the parent. difficult child knew that it would be me to suffer more than him no matter what he did wrong. He knew the PO disagreed with me no matter what and that the gal just tried to get him the easiest life and his defense attny is there to get him the least punishment. difficult child knew I had a fear of something like this happening. I don't see how he will ever learn accountability this way. Still, no one, and especially a kid, deserves to be forced to grow up by being molested.</p><p></p><p>I don't want anything to do with this therapist I started with anymore. Besides not wanting to own up to the very advice she gave me and acting like she just wanted business with the county and a few other things that don't add up quite right, she advised me last week to just protect myself and let difficult child go and the county would take care of him. Ok, I understand that when it's a person's job and not their own kid they aren't going to care as much, but seriously, I feel like I am the only one looking at finding a solution that keeps myself safe, gets difficult child help and consequences, work on family issues, and get difficult child home someday, instead of just jumping to some black or white rash "solution".</p><p></p><p>What hoovers is that the gal knows how I feel about difficult child going to my bro and she knows why and she either doesn't believe me, doesn't care, or is using this as another ax over my head. And if difficult child went there to live, he would be too far away to have to live with this county "help". There would be no one making sure he gets therapist and psychiatrist help, they would not be living with the same pressures and scrutiny, but those would be the guardians that need it. Oh- ok- dss offically would be overseeing it but in the state he's in- that's a joke.</p><p></p><p>People (psychiatrist, dss, difficult child's defense attny, etc) tell me that it's crucial to sit down with gal and discuss these things. Apparently, something is awry because gal has never sat down and discussed things before she already has her mind made up. She must assume that anything I'd tell her would be a lie som why bother, I don't know. I don't know if she's supposed to sit down and discuss things with me in situations like this or if she's doing her job "objectively" but I know that she has NEVER gotten all the facts before going to court. I always felt like she should have discussed things with me and if she had doubt about them, then she should check into them to see if I was telling the truth or not, before making her mind up and going to court. But she never has and she has been involved off and on for 2 years now.</p><p></p><p>I'd fight to difficult child home in a second to avoid this alternative, but difficult child would be a nightmare if he came home with me having consequences and him having none after what he did. He would think he could get by with murder. And actually, he might be right.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to discuss some things with difficult child this weekend. He needs to know that if this happens, which it probably will, that he can contact some people to get some help and let somebody know what's going on. Then of course, I'll probably get in trouble next week for upsetting difficult child, but carp, no one else is even discussing with him that he could end up there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 251942, member: 3699"] Thanks, Ladies, for your support! I know everyone means well and is trying to be supportive. There is a difference, though, between psychiatrist telling gal that I need some help or we need family therapy to deal with all that's going on and psyc issues, etc, and telling gal that being a single mom to a teen boy trying to grow up is more stress than I can deal with. I can't believe that they can't see how the system's "help" is what causes more stress for us- they could have at least checked with difficult child's individual therapist from home to see what he was saying were difficult child's stressors. And it is beyond me that people can't see the difference that is made when people in the system are backing up the parent to the kid instead of undermining the authority of the parent. difficult child knew that it would be me to suffer more than him no matter what he did wrong. He knew the PO disagreed with me no matter what and that the gal just tried to get him the easiest life and his defense attny is there to get him the least punishment. difficult child knew I had a fear of something like this happening. I don't see how he will ever learn accountability this way. Still, no one, and especially a kid, deserves to be forced to grow up by being molested. I don't want anything to do with this therapist I started with anymore. Besides not wanting to own up to the very advice she gave me and acting like she just wanted business with the county and a few other things that don't add up quite right, she advised me last week to just protect myself and let difficult child go and the county would take care of him. Ok, I understand that when it's a person's job and not their own kid they aren't going to care as much, but seriously, I feel like I am the only one looking at finding a solution that keeps myself safe, gets difficult child help and consequences, work on family issues, and get difficult child home someday, instead of just jumping to some black or white rash "solution". What hoovers is that the gal knows how I feel about difficult child going to my bro and she knows why and she either doesn't believe me, doesn't care, or is using this as another ax over my head. And if difficult child went there to live, he would be too far away to have to live with this county "help". There would be no one making sure he gets therapist and psychiatrist help, they would not be living with the same pressures and scrutiny, but those would be the guardians that need it. Oh- ok- dss offically would be overseeing it but in the state he's in- that's a joke. People (psychiatrist, dss, difficult child's defense attny, etc) tell me that it's crucial to sit down with gal and discuss these things. Apparently, something is awry because gal has never sat down and discussed things before she already has her mind made up. She must assume that anything I'd tell her would be a lie som why bother, I don't know. I don't know if she's supposed to sit down and discuss things with me in situations like this or if she's doing her job "objectively" but I know that she has NEVER gotten all the facts before going to court. I always felt like she should have discussed things with me and if she had doubt about them, then she should check into them to see if I was telling the truth or not, before making her mind up and going to court. But she never has and she has been involved off and on for 2 years now. I'd fight to difficult child home in a second to avoid this alternative, but difficult child would be a nightmare if he came home with me having consequences and him having none after what he did. He would think he could get by with murder. And actually, he might be right. I'm going to discuss some things with difficult child this weekend. He needs to know that if this happens, which it probably will, that he can contact some people to get some help and let somebody know what's going on. Then of course, I'll probably get in trouble next week for upsetting difficult child, but carp, no one else is even discussing with him that he could end up there. [/QUOTE]
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