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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 252107" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks, Toto. I am sickened and hopeless. If they were just saying that my issues contributed to difficult child's, I could deal with that. Shoot, I've gone to numerous tdocs asking what I could do differently/better, how I might be triggerring him, etc. I've come to this board welcoming ideas on how to deal with difficult child better. That isn't exactly what I'm hearing now- it isn't gut feeling- it's what I'm being told. And a psychiatric evaluation that's really an assessment of how I'm contributing to difficult child's problems is one thing. What they ordered is another. It is so absurd that no one would believe it- even my own therapist said there must be something that they see that I'm not telling her. There isn't- it's just that no one wants to believe that people in the system can really just go with what they hear instead of looking deeper and checking the details and that can lead to things getting to this point.</p><p></p><p>I doubt very seriously that I'm the first parent that has been depleted of resources trying to do what they all want only to have the child taken and sent to someone who is woorse of a parent. But instead of them ever realizing how they scr**ed up, they have the parent that they will blame forever and the kid will learn that, if he/she doesn't know it already. There's no doubt in my mind that if difficult child goes to my bro and ends up in a psychiatric hospital or court again that they will all say it's because he isn't over the damage I did to him. They seriously are acting like I have abused or seriously neglected this child, but I swear, there are not even accusations or reports to this nature, much less a substantiated investigation.</p><p></p><p>It starts with things like the CA coming up to me 2 mins before court starts and asking why difficult child missed so much school. Now given that we had previously spoken on the phone and this never came up, we were there for difficult child holding the knife to me, the sd had marked difficult child excused for absences, difficult child had acute psychiatric hospital stays during that time and I was taking him to psychiatrist for medication changes between, and there was no truancy charge, I did not come to court with paper work to prove any of this. I tried to hurry and explain this to the CA before we went into court because I knew we'd be called in any min, and we were. But CA said something like me not making difficult child go to school right before we went into court. So, during court, this came up along with gal saying they had no problem with difficult child- only him getting there. So of course, it makes me look like a parent who never cared that difficult child wasn't going. This is just one example of how things have turned into a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>The CA was supposed to be representing the "victim" which was me in that case, but I had advocated for his charges to be reduced and for him to get mental health treatment (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) instead of commitment to state juvy. I must have done too good of a job. I'm just spent on it all. They have it turned around so far that they want difficult child to walk away with no consequences but a court order for me. I told difficult child when this incident happened that he will have to earn his way back home, and that would include family therapy which I would participate in. Now, difficult child sits there and tells me he'll go live with my bro and "when I get myself straightened out and our home back in shape, he'd like to come back home" and he has the court backing him up. And they wonder why I can't keep him under control?. Our home in shape- that would be damage all over the house that he did. Do you know how I feel about all this? And they are blaming me for the child/parent relationship problems?</p><p></p><p>There are people blaming me for not giving him enough consequences and there are those saying he shouldn't get any consequences because it's my fault. The only thing these people can agree on is that I'm to blame. No one- not ONE single person has peeled that onion back another layer to look at specificly WHAT parental decision did I make that was the source of this, and when I try to talk about things like that, the others change the subject. This has been a repetitive thing.</p><p></p><p>The place difficult child is now asked me a month ago or more if I was willing to do family therapy with difficult child there. I said yes. They have not asked me ONCE to come and do it.</p><p></p><p>now really, if I had been the one to walk into court for this saying it was all my fault, difficult child is a great kid and should be let go, it's my own problem that caused him to do this, what would people be saying to me?</p><p></p><p>Furthermore, I don't think these people think through a single thing. I mentioned to psychiatrist last week that if I'm going to individual therapy, and taking difficult child to his plus a psychiatrist and we're going to family therapy on top of it, just exactly how are we supposed to go to school and work full time? Wouldn't that require both of us being in a psychiatric hospital together so we can work on mental health full time?My therapist wanted me to commit to seeing her once a week- right before she told me that she only does morning hours and has nothing open next week.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 252107, member: 3699"] Thanks, Toto. I am sickened and hopeless. If they were just saying that my issues contributed to difficult child's, I could deal with that. Shoot, I've gone to numerous tdocs asking what I could do differently/better, how I might be triggerring him, etc. I've come to this board welcoming ideas on how to deal with difficult child better. That isn't exactly what I'm hearing now- it isn't gut feeling- it's what I'm being told. And a psychiatric evaluation that's really an assessment of how I'm contributing to difficult child's problems is one thing. What they ordered is another. It is so absurd that no one would believe it- even my own therapist said there must be something that they see that I'm not telling her. There isn't- it's just that no one wants to believe that people in the system can really just go with what they hear instead of looking deeper and checking the details and that can lead to things getting to this point. I doubt very seriously that I'm the first parent that has been depleted of resources trying to do what they all want only to have the child taken and sent to someone who is woorse of a parent. But instead of them ever realizing how they scr**ed up, they have the parent that they will blame forever and the kid will learn that, if he/she doesn't know it already. There's no doubt in my mind that if difficult child goes to my bro and ends up in a psychiatric hospital or court again that they will all say it's because he isn't over the damage I did to him. They seriously are acting like I have abused or seriously neglected this child, but I swear, there are not even accusations or reports to this nature, much less a substantiated investigation. It starts with things like the CA coming up to me 2 mins before court starts and asking why difficult child missed so much school. Now given that we had previously spoken on the phone and this never came up, we were there for difficult child holding the knife to me, the sd had marked difficult child excused for absences, difficult child had acute psychiatric hospital stays during that time and I was taking him to psychiatrist for medication changes between, and there was no truancy charge, I did not come to court with paper work to prove any of this. I tried to hurry and explain this to the CA before we went into court because I knew we'd be called in any min, and we were. But CA said something like me not making difficult child go to school right before we went into court. So, during court, this came up along with gal saying they had no problem with difficult child- only him getting there. So of course, it makes me look like a parent who never cared that difficult child wasn't going. This is just one example of how things have turned into a nightmare. The CA was supposed to be representing the "victim" which was me in that case, but I had advocated for his charges to be reduced and for him to get mental health treatment (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) instead of commitment to state juvy. I must have done too good of a job. I'm just spent on it all. They have it turned around so far that they want difficult child to walk away with no consequences but a court order for me. I told difficult child when this incident happened that he will have to earn his way back home, and that would include family therapy which I would participate in. Now, difficult child sits there and tells me he'll go live with my bro and "when I get myself straightened out and our home back in shape, he'd like to come back home" and he has the court backing him up. And they wonder why I can't keep him under control?. Our home in shape- that would be damage all over the house that he did. Do you know how I feel about all this? And they are blaming me for the child/parent relationship problems? There are people blaming me for not giving him enough consequences and there are those saying he shouldn't get any consequences because it's my fault. The only thing these people can agree on is that I'm to blame. No one- not ONE single person has peeled that onion back another layer to look at specificly WHAT parental decision did I make that was the source of this, and when I try to talk about things like that, the others change the subject. This has been a repetitive thing. The place difficult child is now asked me a month ago or more if I was willing to do family therapy with difficult child there. I said yes. They have not asked me ONCE to come and do it. now really, if I had been the one to walk into court for this saying it was all my fault, difficult child is a great kid and should be let go, it's my own problem that caused him to do this, what would people be saying to me? Furthermore, I don't think these people think through a single thing. I mentioned to psychiatrist last week that if I'm going to individual therapy, and taking difficult child to his plus a psychiatrist and we're going to family therapy on top of it, just exactly how are we supposed to go to school and work full time? Wouldn't that require both of us being in a psychiatric hospital together so we can work on mental health full time?My therapist wanted me to commit to seeing her once a week- right before she told me that she only does morning hours and has nothing open next week. [/QUOTE]
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