After things went so well (relatively) yesterday, they crashed and burned today. difficult child got up in a surly mood and made eggs, leaving a mess in the kitchen (he puts his plate in the dishwasher and leaves everything else). I gave him fifteen minutes, thinking he might be getting dressed ... when I knocked on his door, nope, he was in pj's playing WoW. I told him a) not to play WoW after breakfast when there's work to do outside (he played all night); b) that husband knows I've told him about the tobacco policy, so he has the daylight hours today to clean up tobacco items outside and he must get all tobacco and containers, even empties, out of his room; c) he needed to clean up the kitchen after his breakfast. He responded, 'Well, if you weren't such a b***h, and gave me some g**d***ed space, maybe I'd do something! And I have all day to do it!' He asked me if I have any idea HOW MUCH money he's saving us this year (I assume because he's not in college this year) ... I said, how about the $22,000 we lost last year, and oh yes, the $6000 we've spent so far on your legal defense? And he snarled, 'I never asked you to do that.' I said, 'Fine, I'll call the attorney and tell him to bill every dollar from today directly to you, and another time you can use a public defender.' Basically things deteriorated, with him standing too close and me telling him to back up, him calling me a b***h three more times, and him screaming in my face and jabbing his finger. When he did that I told him to stop NOW or I'd call the police. He turned and went slamming down to his room and spent twenty minutes slamming around. I checked later and there's no damage, nothing I can charge him with. All the chew cans are gone so he may have been slamming the desk drawers to make lots of noise. While he was calling me names, I told him he'd better call the housing people that the counselor gave him info on yesterday because he's not living here and calling me those names. I told him that more than once, which sparked the screaming in my face. I didn't call the police because he backed off each time I told him to and he didn't destroy anything, so there would be nothing for them to do. But I've felt awful all day. He's never called me names (to my face, easy child 2 says he's called me plenty behind my back) before, never crossed that line. It may sounds strange given his history of violence but while he's screamed names at husband when angry, he's just screamed at me minus the names. I'm sad because he's making such a stupid mess of his life when he has endless opportunity and plenty of ability; and I'm sad that despite everything husband and I do that shows we love and support him, he finds us intolerable. I'm not thinking of how to change him or save him or anything like that; just shaking my head, depressed. And I feel like such an idiot sitting here trying to decide what to do as a consequence for the name-calling. We've already linked his laptop to the tobacco and clearly he fears that consequence, because he's actually done everything he's required to do. But if I take the laptop away for calling me names then the tobacco rule will go out the window ... I don't know. I don't want to drive him anywhere for awhile, but he doesn't need to go anywhere until Monday. I could let him walk 2 miles to his new job. But Monday is a long time away. I could charge him $25 for every bad name he called me and he'd probably hit the roof, but I don't want him to decide it might be worth the $25 ... I don't want to ask husband to decide because he's worked 48 hours straight making decisions constantly and he's not up for that when he comes home. And how can I not know what to do? I want difficult child to leave but the assisted housing isn't available instantly and I worry about whether husband will cave. I had to be out all afternoon and came home to find difficult child sleeping on the basement sofa with the big TV on. So he'll be all rested to stay up all night again. And not a lick of outside work done. I guess I do better with more cut-and-dried situations like the car yesterday.