He's being squirrelly
- Thread starter toughlovin
- Start date
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Thanks for all the thoughts. Kathy I am getting closer and closer to that point. Not sure I am there yet but I am closer.....for his sake I hope he gets clean before I completely cut off all help but time will tell.
TL
TL
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Yeah they do test them but sometimes it takes awhile.. However if he is using I am sure eventually he will be caught.....been there before.
And I did have a nice evening. Just had a really nice dinner with an old friend for her birthday... And it did include some chocolate for dessert. Yum.
TL
And I did have a nice evening. Just had a really nice dinner with an old friend for her birthday... And it did include some chocolate for dessert. Yum.
TL
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Feeling pretty discouraged. He is not responding to me at all or to the folks at the IOP.... Says to me he is relapsing and realizing he got his tax return so he has money to do it. Ugh. So I am going to wait a couple of days and tell him we won't pay for the sober house unless he gets back on track with the IOP. Don't know if he will do it or not. I am getting pretty fed up at this point. I just know if he was doing well he would respond to me....
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Yeah nancy it does seem like that. Last summer he was really serious and he did well for 3 months....this time though he got squirrelly as soon as he got out of the 30 day program. I am hoping that it's something else going on and he is not using....but I also know that is highly unlikely at this point.
RN ...pm me about what sober living your son is in. My son spent some time in delay in rehab and sober living. Gee he has been all over the country in rehabs! It's kind of ridiculous.
RN ...pm me about what sober living your son is in. My son spent some time in delay in rehab and sober living. Gee he has been all over the country in rehabs! It's kind of ridiculous.
TL, if he wanted to stay sober he wouldn't need to be bribed into doing IOP. I would tell him that he has his tax refund and needs to make it last until he finds a job to support himself.
There comes a point when rehab, halfway house/IOP, and relapse just becomes a vicious cycle and it sounds like that is what is happening with your son.
I am so sorry. I know that feeling of a kick in the gut when things go south.
~Kathy
~
There comes a point when rehab, halfway house/IOP, and relapse just becomes a vicious cycle and it sounds like that is what is happening with your son.
I am so sorry. I know that feeling of a kick in the gut when things go south.
~Kathy
~
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
I hear what you are saying....I don't see it so much as a bribe....more like we agreed to help when you are helping yourself....the thing is he was making progress with therapy and this therapist.....and when he gets to a certain point he runs and I think that is part of what is happening.....it's not just the addiction it's the avoidance of facing himself in therapy. So if he will face up to this he could get back on track or he could continue to blow it off....and if he blows it off he is on his own.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Just so everyone knows about drug tests - you can buy fake pee to pass them. One even comes with a belt to keep the pee in if you are taking a supervised one...
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Some people get straight people to pee for them too. Saw this trick on Intervention.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Yeah or they get friends to pee for them....
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
A bit of an update. We told our son that to continue to pay for sober living he needed to go back to IOP and the therapist. He pushed back and gave me a bit of sarcastic response... This was all through messaging. So far he has not gone back. If he doesn't go back tomorrow I will be selling the sober house and letting them know we won't pay for next month unless he does. I think he got close to something in therapy and got spooked and so is running from it..... This is his pattern......so I am preparing myself to stand my ground and let him be homeless again.
And it is awful on the one hand..... And on the other hand I am getting much much better about not totally obsessing about it and still living my life which otherwise is good.
TL
And it is awful on the one hand..... And on the other hand I am getting much much better about not totally obsessing about it and still living my life which otherwise is good.
TL
TL, I used the wrong word. I shouldn't have used bribe. I understand what you are saying about helping them when they are doing the right thing. Fran used to call it "do to get."
The problem with my difficult child was that she would "do what we wanted to get what she wanted" which didn't include sobriety. And she would always use, "but, I am doing the right thing . . . therapy, sober house, 12-steps, etc." Unfortunately, she was just going through the motions to keep us paying for a roof over her head and food in her stomach.
I hope that isn't the case with your son.
~Kathy
The problem with my difficult child was that she would "do what we wanted to get what she wanted" which didn't include sobriety. And she would always use, "but, I am doing the right thing . . . therapy, sober house, 12-steps, etc." Unfortunately, she was just going through the motions to keep us paying for a roof over her head and food in her stomach.
I hope that isn't the case with your son.
~Kathy
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
I think it might be partly true with him but I also think there is a sincere part of him that really doesn't want this life anymore. I am guessing he will not go to the IOP tomorrow because I think he is going to test us as to how serious we are....and he does not feel like we are trying to control him.
But at this point I don't care how mad he is at me. Tomorrow once I get confirmation that he didn't go I am calling the sober house and letting them know we will not be paying for another month unless he gets back on track with the IOP. Then we shall see what happens.
But at this point I don't care how mad he is at me. Tomorrow once I get confirmation that he didn't go I am calling the sober house and letting them know we will not be paying for another month unless he gets back on track with the IOP. Then we shall see what happens.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
So I talked to the sober house yesterday. My son seems to be doing ok. He did get his Tex refund and he did buy himself a computer. I am relieved that at least it didn't all go to booze!! He apparently has been looking for a job. I did not get any indication from the sober house that he is using.... So hopefully he is still sober and not just flying under the radar. I did make it clear that we would not pay any more rent unless he goes back to the IOP. So we shall see what happens. I was expecting a blow up response from my son but have heard nothing..... Which is better than him blowing up at me I guess.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
So he went to his IOP today. Yay.... I had been wondering what I would say to him if he didn't go.... The IOP called and left a message that he went.... They can't say much but did mention ambivalence..... And that word struck me!!!
We all say they have to want sobriety which I agree with..... But I also think we need to remember a big part of the issue with addiction is ambivalence. And that in fact is probably pretty normal. That probably not many addicts get clear they want sobriety and then are just sure about it with no more issues. In fact ambivalence is the reason that relapse is part of recovery!
We all say they have to want sobriety which I agree with..... But I also think we need to remember a big part of the issue with addiction is ambivalence. And that in fact is probably pretty normal. That probably not many addicts get clear they want sobriety and then are just sure about it with no more issues. In fact ambivalence is the reason that relapse is part of recovery!
