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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657561" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, I do believe we resolve in the afterlife, which helps me put this life aside. I did the best I could do. I had been born with a touchy/sensitive emotional system and you could easily push my buttons to make me cry. When I didn't want to cry and look weak I fought back. That was the best I could do. And I'm not sorry. I never should have needed to defend myself in the first place. I was the child. And the trend just continued into adulthood. I really wonder what is going to happen to 2 now that she will not be able to bash what I'm doing. I am only offering a little of what my life is like now. She needs somebody to think is horrible too, maybe because she knows who really is...her boyfriend.</p><p>Herself. Her mother, who she doesn't want to see this way but whom has damaged her so badly that her age (50s) she still can't let go of an abusive man after five years. She was damaged more than me because she never detached and she came to think "Oh, mother wasn't so bad."</p><p></p><p></p><p> I believe she will peek here every so often. I don't think she can separate from me as I will from her. She needs to hang on, even if it's not good and the bold truths I speak about, which she wants to think never happened, are not good for her. She needs intensive help before she can read stuff like this. But she will. She isn't good to herself. And I am sad about that. I guess.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I am done trying to hope for the best when others have shown they don't have a clue about reality in our parental home. I no longer will try, accept anyone back, or care.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, in a column I read today about family abuse and who tends to be appalled by it, I got a really vindictive I' whiff of more truth. This REALLY affected me and it's been true of my own life.</p><p></p><p>People who have also been abused are LEAST LIKELY to validate your abuse. They will say "oh, my dad beat me too, but it was good for me." Or "So what if your mother put you down? You're too sensitive. All mothers so that. Sheesh!" Or "Your mother is your MOTHER. You have to love her because she's your mother. My mother beat me, but I love her and care for her because she gave birth to me." BUT..if the person was raised in a loving family, they are shocked, and this has been my experience. Example:</p><p></p><p>I once mentioned to a friend who has a great set of parents that one of my parents told me "Not one of you has given me a moment of please. Not one."</p><p></p><p>I am used to the people I know who were from similar homes just laughing it off. Not her. She was clearly shocked and I wonder if she even believed me. She asked several times. "Wait. Are you sure he/she wasn't kidding?"</p><p></p><p>I shut up after that.</p><p></p><p>People who were loved are appalled. Just that "When You were put into my arms I felt nothing, absoluely nothing, shocks them.</p><p></p><p>Abused child adults? Naw. They've heard it all themselves and tend to throw the blame on you. "I'm sure your mother did the best she could. Stop hating on her."</p><p></p><p>No, she did not do the best she could. That was not her best. She must have known what she was doing and she did not seek out any help to find out the best way to deal with me. So she did "Mean Therapy."</p><p></p><p>Remember. People who were loved are shocked at our FOO. Look at Lil. She can not relate to us and I'm happy for her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657561, member: 1550"] Cedar, I do believe we resolve in the afterlife, which helps me put this life aside. I did the best I could do. I had been born with a touchy/sensitive emotional system and you could easily push my buttons to make me cry. When I didn't want to cry and look weak I fought back. That was the best I could do. And I'm not sorry. I never should have needed to defend myself in the first place. I was the child. And the trend just continued into adulthood. I really wonder what is going to happen to 2 now that she will not be able to bash what I'm doing. I am only offering a little of what my life is like now. She needs somebody to think is horrible too, maybe because she knows who really is...her boyfriend. Herself. Her mother, who she doesn't want to see this way but whom has damaged her so badly that her age (50s) she still can't let go of an abusive man after five years. She was damaged more than me because she never detached and she came to think "Oh, mother wasn't so bad." I believe she will peek here every so often. I don't think she can separate from me as I will from her. She needs to hang on, even if it's not good and the bold truths I speak about, which she wants to think never happened, are not good for her. She needs intensive help before she can read stuff like this. But she will. She isn't good to herself. And I am sad about that. I guess. Cedar, I am done trying to hope for the best when others have shown they don't have a clue about reality in our parental home. I no longer will try, accept anyone back, or care. Cedar, in a column I read today about family abuse and who tends to be appalled by it, I got a really vindictive I' whiff of more truth. This REALLY affected me and it's been true of my own life. People who have also been abused are LEAST LIKELY to validate your abuse. They will say "oh, my dad beat me too, but it was good for me." Or "So what if your mother put you down? You're too sensitive. All mothers so that. Sheesh!" Or "Your mother is your MOTHER. You have to love her because she's your mother. My mother beat me, but I love her and care for her because she gave birth to me." BUT..if the person was raised in a loving family, they are shocked, and this has been my experience. Example: I once mentioned to a friend who has a great set of parents that one of my parents told me "Not one of you has given me a moment of please. Not one." I am used to the people I know who were from similar homes just laughing it off. Not her. She was clearly shocked and I wonder if she even believed me. She asked several times. "Wait. Are you sure he/she wasn't kidding?" I shut up after that. People who were loved are appalled. Just that "When You were put into my arms I felt nothing, absoluely nothing, shocks them. Abused child adults? Naw. They've heard it all themselves and tend to throw the blame on you. "I'm sure your mother did the best she could. Stop hating on her." No, she did not do the best she could. That was not her best. She must have known what she was doing and she did not seek out any help to find out the best way to deal with me. So she did "Mean Therapy." Remember. People who were loved are shocked at our FOO. Look at Lil. She can not relate to us and I'm happy for her. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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