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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658209" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So, my sister was pregnant without being married and without being in relationship to the male in any way. Not friendship and not dating and not in any way, prior to or after the pregnancy. And she was part of a religious group fighting against the implementation of abortion laws. And she would take money from strangers ~ on planes, through the mail, in any way that she could, because she was an unmarried woman about to have a baby instead of aborting it, and she did not feel badly about doing that. The status of pregnant with no male willing to claim any part of it, so shaming to so many of us should we have found ourselves in that position, was somehow turned into a virtue, was changed into a position of power or something like it, where my sister was concerned.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, these two observations about our sisters go together, but I don't know how.</p><p></p><p>Intentional...something about seeing how a thing can be used and then, using that thing to do it.</p><p></p><p>So, that would mean that your sister's intentional flaunting of female has something to do with power, and not with beauty, at all. It was your power, your essential self, she wanted to dominate and enslave to herself, somehow.</p><p></p><p>Maybe.</p><p></p><p>My sister is actually that way, too.</p><p></p><p>Dominance achieved by calculatedly taking extreme advantage of the advantage there to be taken, through presenting themselves, through marketing themselves and their situations.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>That is the strength in them, maybe ~ the reason they seem able to fluidly adjust to whatever it is they want from the current situation.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>Well, that isn't a very nice way for me to think.</p><p></p><p>No compassion. Not yet. We can incorporate and find compassion, for them and for ourselves, later, once we pin all this down a little bit.</p><p></p><p>Here is a story. So, my mom lives in a place 1) That my sister wants willed to her and has made no bones about presenting that case even when my father was still alive. I have posted about that. 2) My sister's justification is that this is where she and her children found joy and found family and spent time with her parents. After my father's death, that became "the place where I loved my dad." Other things too that you can imagine, but all of it in that same line so I will not repeat them here because they are extraneous to the point I think I am going to get around to here, any minute now. 3) The point being that, four years ago now, maybe five, my sister hired a professional photographer to create a four-generation picture containing my mother, my sister, her daughter, and my sister's grandchild. (The then-infant who would become Golden grand, the role SWOT posts to us about.)</p><p></p><p><em>But she wanted those pictures done in MY home.</em></p><p></p><p>Now, why would she do that?</p><p></p><p>And of course I gave permission.</p><p></p><p>And I neither expected nor was asked to participate in the four-generation photo shoot, of course. <em>But it just occurred to me, or in any photos, at all.</em> D H had the photographer shoot himself and our dog. Those pics were not retained, <em>as far as we know</em>. But had that been me doing a four-generation, I would have had the sisters, the mother, the niece and the baby. I would have had a females of the family made, with whichever females were there, with that baby who was new.</p><p></p><p>So, that means something, too.</p><p></p><p>And my sister keeps that picture of she and I in her bathroom. <em>But things have changed now in the hierarchy of family, so probably that is not a true thing, anymore.</em> A few years ago, my sister sent me a plaque: I just haven't been the same since the house fell on my sister. And the plaque was soiled, as it would be, from having hung in someone's pantry or kitchen for years. (That saying has to do with the Wizard of Oz.) The plaque is actually cute, and funny...but there is symbolism there having to do with a displacement I did not believe in when it was happening but that I see, now. And my sister said she had had the plaque hanging in her pantry for years and years, and that she wanted me to have it.</p><p></p><p>But that was a thing she had never shown me in all the times I had visited her there in her home.</p><p></p><p>But at some point through these last years, the plaque was no longer relevant to her but had become, perhaps, very much something she wanted me to know.</p><p></p><p>I felt badly when I received it.</p><p></p><p>So, that fits in here somewhere, too. With the power thing and the female thing and our own legitimacy to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I still have the plaque, as I still have everything my sister sends me. I use it as a Hallowe'en decoration. I set it on the lap of this large, motion activated-skeleton we have. And he wears a tux and a tophat and his eyes light up bright red and he cackles, "I want candy!"</p><p></p><p>And I put him in a rocking chair as I have for years, and the plaque from my sister sits on his lap.</p><p></p><p>Living a life is such a strange thing.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658209, member: 17461"] So, my sister was pregnant without being married and without being in relationship to the male in any way. Not friendship and not dating and not in any way, prior to or after the pregnancy. And she was part of a religious group fighting against the implementation of abortion laws. And she would take money from strangers ~ on planes, through the mail, in any way that she could, because she was an unmarried woman about to have a baby instead of aborting it, and she did not feel badly about doing that. The status of pregnant with no male willing to claim any part of it, so shaming to so many of us should we have found ourselves in that position, was somehow turned into a virtue, was changed into a position of power or something like it, where my sister was concerned. Somehow, these two observations about our sisters go together, but I don't know how. Intentional...something about seeing how a thing can be used and then, using that thing to do it. So, that would mean that your sister's intentional flaunting of female has something to do with power, and not with beauty, at all. It was your power, your essential self, she wanted to dominate and enslave to herself, somehow. Maybe. My sister is actually that way, too. Dominance achieved by calculatedly taking extreme advantage of the advantage there to be taken, through presenting themselves, through marketing themselves and their situations. ? That is the strength in them, maybe ~ the reason they seem able to fluidly adjust to whatever it is they want from the current situation. ? Well, that isn't a very nice way for me to think. No compassion. Not yet. We can incorporate and find compassion, for them and for ourselves, later, once we pin all this down a little bit. Here is a story. So, my mom lives in a place 1) That my sister wants willed to her and has made no bones about presenting that case even when my father was still alive. I have posted about that. 2) My sister's justification is that this is where she and her children found joy and found family and spent time with her parents. After my father's death, that became "the place where I loved my dad." Other things too that you can imagine, but all of it in that same line so I will not repeat them here because they are extraneous to the point I think I am going to get around to here, any minute now. 3) The point being that, four years ago now, maybe five, my sister hired a professional photographer to create a four-generation picture containing my mother, my sister, her daughter, and my sister's grandchild. (The then-infant who would become Golden grand, the role SWOT posts to us about.) [I]But she wanted those pictures done in MY home.[/I] Now, why would she do that? And of course I gave permission. And I neither expected nor was asked to participate in the four-generation photo shoot, of course. [I]But it just occurred to me, or in any photos, at all.[/I] D H had the photographer shoot himself and our dog. Those pics were not retained, [I]as far as we know[/I]. But had that been me doing a four-generation, I would have had the sisters, the mother, the niece and the baby. I would have had a females of the family made, with whichever females were there, with that baby who was new. So, that means something, too. And my sister keeps that picture of she and I in her bathroom. [I]But things have changed now in the hierarchy of family, so probably that is not a true thing, anymore.[/I] A few years ago, my sister sent me a plaque: I just haven't been the same since the house fell on my sister. And the plaque was soiled, as it would be, from having hung in someone's pantry or kitchen for years. (That saying has to do with the Wizard of Oz.) The plaque is actually cute, and funny...but there is symbolism there having to do with a displacement I did not believe in when it was happening but that I see, now. And my sister said she had had the plaque hanging in her pantry for years and years, and that she wanted me to have it. But that was a thing she had never shown me in all the times I had visited her there in her home. But at some point through these last years, the plaque was no longer relevant to her but had become, perhaps, very much something she wanted me to know. I felt badly when I received it. So, that fits in here somewhere, too. With the power thing and the female thing and our own legitimacy to ourselves. I still have the plaque, as I still have everything my sister sends me. I use it as a Hallowe'en decoration. I set it on the lap of this large, motion activated-skeleton we have. And he wears a tux and a tophat and his eyes light up bright red and he cackles, "I want candy!" And I put him in a rocking chair as I have for years, and the plaque from my sister sits on his lap. Living a life is such a strange thing. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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