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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 658249" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>No way, Cedar, am I alpha anything. I am prey, Cedar. I have been prey.</p><p></p><p>OK. Let's walk this back so I can tell the truth.</p><p></p><p>I walk my own walk, as do you. Afraid, vulnerable, damaged...almost always I walked, or hobbled or stumbled on my own.</p><p></p><p>(Curious is it not, that I struggled so against permitting my son to do the same. Looking at that will be the stuff of another post---if I am lucky I may be busy with this thread, what is here already, for the rest of my life. Or longer.)</p><p></p><p>OK. So, it seems when somebody walks alone, even hobbled, it becomes attractive to others.</p><p></p><p>Because I guess it is not so common at least in the conventional sphere in which I find myself sometimes.</p><p></p><p>So, I become attractive to women and to men, it seems. Because I seem to hold onto whatever it is that I think is me.</p><p></p><p>Like you say, start with this one true thing...and go from there...</p><p></p><p>When you start from that which you feel, believe and know is a true thing...you speak with strength, you love with heart, you do with purpose.</p><p></p><p>There is a courage. A great courage that comes from this.</p><p></p><p>(I will look at when I can, how I put to bed this courage, this confidence of knowing... This, of course, would be worth examining.)</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this. An alpha leads others, that follow. I may have attracted others to me...but had no desire or ability to lead anybody anywhere.</p><p></p><p>(In fact M thinks me a bit of a fraud. In my work, of course when I work. I must point out that people do not, cannot work from bed, in my field) I appear to others as if I know something. M sees me truly as I am in all my glory. Hesitant. Timid, at times. Often afraid.</p><p></p><p>The thing M gives me, grants me, is my heart. I am a giving machine, in my work. And this M gives me. In spades. And he gives me integrity. He is proud of me that I love my work and will sacrifice everything to do it well, with integrity.)</p><p></p><p>So I will finish what was to be a very short and to the point post to negate absolutely any alpha-ish aspect in me or about me, the not-alpha female.</p><p></p><p>There is desire in others of others to break me. And that is where the idea of prey enters in. Because really, Cedar, you are right. This is a question of Truth or Consequences. And this is a serious, serious game.'</p><p></p><p>There is nothing trivial about what I am speaking. What I am saying I will let you know when I know it. But I want to say absolutely:</p><p></p><p>I was never Alpha. Only prey. Except I never, never ceded control over who and what I was, essentially, and that quality, which you have in spades, Dear Cedar, is highly treasured and coveted.</p><p></p><p>(Cedar, what is thread count, and where do you find it?)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 658249, member: 18958"] No way, Cedar, am I alpha anything. I am prey, Cedar. I have been prey. OK. Let's walk this back so I can tell the truth. I walk my own walk, as do you. Afraid, vulnerable, damaged...almost always I walked, or hobbled or stumbled on my own. (Curious is it not, that I struggled so against permitting my son to do the same. Looking at that will be the stuff of another post---if I am lucky I may be busy with this thread, what is here already, for the rest of my life. Or longer.) OK. So, it seems when somebody walks alone, even hobbled, it becomes attractive to others. Because I guess it is not so common at least in the conventional sphere in which I find myself sometimes. So, I become attractive to women and to men, it seems. Because I seem to hold onto whatever it is that I think is me. Like you say, start with this one true thing...and go from there... When you start from that which you feel, believe and know is a true thing...you speak with strength, you love with heart, you do with purpose. There is a courage. A great courage that comes from this. (I will look at when I can, how I put to bed this courage, this confidence of knowing... This, of course, would be worth examining.) But the thing is this. An alpha leads others, that follow. I may have attracted others to me...but had no desire or ability to lead anybody anywhere. (In fact M thinks me a bit of a fraud. In my work, of course when I work. I must point out that people do not, cannot work from bed, in my field) I appear to others as if I know something. M sees me truly as I am in all my glory. Hesitant. Timid, at times. Often afraid. The thing M gives me, grants me, is my heart. I am a giving machine, in my work. And this M gives me. In spades. And he gives me integrity. He is proud of me that I love my work and will sacrifice everything to do it well, with integrity.) So I will finish what was to be a very short and to the point post to negate absolutely any alpha-ish aspect in me or about me, the not-alpha female. There is desire in others of others to break me. And that is where the idea of prey enters in. Because really, Cedar, you are right. This is a question of Truth or Consequences. And this is a serious, serious game.' There is nothing trivial about what I am speaking. What I am saying I will let you know when I know it. But I want to say absolutely: I was never Alpha. Only prey. Except I never, never ceded control over who and what I was, essentially, and that quality, which you have in spades, Dear Cedar, is highly treasured and coveted. (Cedar, what is thread count, and where do you find it?) [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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