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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 658434" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Me too. Cedar, this is such a beautiful definition of trust, that your wrote above. To bear your soul, ugliness and weakness and vanity and pettiness and all manner of yucky undesirable qualities, i.e. not your made up self, whether it be of makeup or persona, or whatever else we do when we are on....or dress up or...are at work.</p><p></p><p>And this person...at least when they are in a good mood and not mad at you...chooses to attend to the strongest not the weakest parts.</p><p></p><p>I remember once when we were mad at each other (one of the many, many times) and I had descended to the lowest of low point of defensiveness and debasement. I said something like....to you I am just garbage...or some other stupid thing that I must of heard my mother say a million times and it became incorporated into my psychic DNA. Actually, I think my grandmother said it too.</p><p></p><p>And M was so hurt, it stopped him in his tracks. Because he said, actually, I am so proud to be with you, to have you at my side and proud of your qualities and your accomplishments.</p><p></p><p>He was so offended that I would believe he would degrade me or ever want to.</p><p></p><p>So, when I am mad I try at least not to use that one line, so as to not hurt him really bad....</p><p></p><p>This quote was from what you saw in the faces of the homeless people.</p><p></p><p>I worked with a woman. A really, really nice lady and a wonderful doctor. And I wish I remembered exactly the context of her saying this but will try to piece it together. We must have been talking about broken people and I must have referenced myself in some way, as not having experienced whatever it was in that same way. Her reply?</p><p></p><p>You didn't have to. You learned that long ago, when you were broken as a child. You didn't have to learn it again. You already had.</p><p></p><p>Such a nice lady. She was the one who told me that narcissistic people often in late middle age become sociopathic because of their rage that life has not delivered to them what they knew they deserved. So they set about getting it one way or another. I had never known that. And it makes so much sense.</p><p></p><p>Maybe that is what happened to Nixon with Watergate.</p><p></p><p> That is beautiful Cedar.</p><p></p><p> And this is beautiful too.</p><p></p><p>So, I had to keep going back to bed, to break again, and again, in order to come together correctly. Looked at that way, it takes great courage and faith. I mean, the willingness to get it right. But then if the resources did not exist for me to go back to bed and not work for 2 and a half years, I would have had to accept incompletely reconstructed, I guess. For the sake of a pay check.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I think Cedar that you have way more heart for your sister than I do for mine. Actually of the three of us, SWOT, you and I, I think SWOT is the most caring sister. SWOT suffers for her sister's pain.</p><p></p><p>I don't for mine. Sometimes I wish for ill to befall her. Sad, but true. And if she reads this, So there.</p><p></p><p>M proposed to his mother that we all sleep together. (Like we did with my Mom before she got really, really sick. (I mean she was already really, really sick but had not yet been diagnosed.) By necessity. She had only the one king size bed.</p><p></p><p>It sounds fun but it was horrible. I got stuck in the middle until I said NO MORE and M had to go in the middle and my Mom loved the whole thing.</p><p></p><p>And when M proposed that we all sleep together to his Mom (he wants her to feel safe and secure) she said:</p><p></p><p>Ewwww....In Spanish. (And screwed up her face and said No Way, in Spanish.</p><p></p><p>So, she is asleep in my mother's King Size bed. All 90 lbs of her. About the same size as my mom before she lost even more weight.</p><p></p><p>And gratefully I get to sleep just with M.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what tomorrow holds, but will try to check in.</p><p></p><p>COPA *still strong and whole.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 658434, member: 18958"] Me too. Cedar, this is such a beautiful definition of trust, that your wrote above. To bear your soul, ugliness and weakness and vanity and pettiness and all manner of yucky undesirable qualities, i.e. not your made up self, whether it be of makeup or persona, or whatever else we do when we are on....or dress up or...are at work. And this person...at least when they are in a good mood and not mad at you...chooses to attend to the strongest not the weakest parts. I remember once when we were mad at each other (one of the many, many times) and I had descended to the lowest of low point of defensiveness and debasement. I said something like....to you I am just garbage...or some other stupid thing that I must of heard my mother say a million times and it became incorporated into my psychic DNA. Actually, I think my grandmother said it too. And M was so hurt, it stopped him in his tracks. Because he said, actually, I am so proud to be with you, to have you at my side and proud of your qualities and your accomplishments. He was so offended that I would believe he would degrade me or ever want to. So, when I am mad I try at least not to use that one line, so as to not hurt him really bad.... This quote was from what you saw in the faces of the homeless people. I worked with a woman. A really, really nice lady and a wonderful doctor. And I wish I remembered exactly the context of her saying this but will try to piece it together. We must have been talking about broken people and I must have referenced myself in some way, as not having experienced whatever it was in that same way. Her reply? You didn't have to. You learned that long ago, when you were broken as a child. You didn't have to learn it again. You already had. Such a nice lady. She was the one who told me that narcissistic people often in late middle age become sociopathic because of their rage that life has not delivered to them what they knew they deserved. So they set about getting it one way or another. I had never known that. And it makes so much sense. Maybe that is what happened to Nixon with Watergate. That is beautiful Cedar. And this is beautiful too. So, I had to keep going back to bed, to break again, and again, in order to come together correctly. Looked at that way, it takes great courage and faith. I mean, the willingness to get it right. But then if the resources did not exist for me to go back to bed and not work for 2 and a half years, I would have had to accept incompletely reconstructed, I guess. For the sake of a pay check. Sometimes, I think Cedar that you have way more heart for your sister than I do for mine. Actually of the three of us, SWOT, you and I, I think SWOT is the most caring sister. SWOT suffers for her sister's pain. I don't for mine. Sometimes I wish for ill to befall her. Sad, but true. And if she reads this, So there. M proposed to his mother that we all sleep together. (Like we did with my Mom before she got really, really sick. (I mean she was already really, really sick but had not yet been diagnosed.) By necessity. She had only the one king size bed. It sounds fun but it was horrible. I got stuck in the middle until I said NO MORE and M had to go in the middle and my Mom loved the whole thing. And when M proposed that we all sleep together to his Mom (he wants her to feel safe and secure) she said: Ewwww....In Spanish. (And screwed up her face and said No Way, in Spanish. So, she is asleep in my mother's King Size bed. All 90 lbs of her. About the same size as my mom before she lost even more weight. And gratefully I get to sleep just with M. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but will try to check in. COPA *still strong and whole. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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