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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660452" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am confused about what to do with my son. I have extreme heartache and worry. I am suffering and I suffer for him. </p><p></p><p>Earlier this year we had planned to buy a property where my son could live here in our town so that he would have a safe place to live, separate from me. </p><p></p><p>M reminded me last night, that my son could stay here and could have lived here with us at any time, if he was willing to show respect to me and to cede a little bit: to not let the cat out of the house; to not let the dogs out of the house without leashes; to be productive and to not use or bring marijuana here. </p><p></p><p>He has been gone from our home for about 4 months. We had hoped that he could establish himself in this town. The rents are cheap. The downtown is self-contained. He can walk everywhere. </p><p></p><p>Since he left here he has had 4 different residences that I know about. He could have had his own place. Instead he couch surfs while paying the people. He could have gotten a decent room for the money he pays, almost as much as an apartment.</p><p></p><p>He says he now hates the City where we live. He sees the people as Meth addicts, as scum. He seems to have the same problems in every situation he goes to. And to not learn. And ends up having a blow up and being thrown out. He does not want to understand that who owns or leases the house, has the power. He calls the police on them, too, just like he does on us. He says he is being cheated and taken advantage of by others in terms of his housing. He pays, and then they throw him out. </p><p></p><p>Buying a property for him to live in our town may not be the solution, if he hates it so much here to the point he does not want to ever come back. As I write this I realize that perhaps if he did have his own space, that might insulate him from the bulk of the disputes he has with others. </p><p></p><p>His hope now is to go to the City 3 hours North of us, and get into a really good shelter there. Last he told me, he was number 85. He thinks it is imminent. </p><p></p><p>I thought this might be a good plan because he loves this City, and there are great services for the mentally ill and homeless. Way better than here. He could get into residential treatment there, if he wanted to. </p><p></p><p>He is clearly going down the tubes. More and more focused on this delusion about the end of the world in August. He looks haunted and gaunt. Detachment seems not to be working so good, in terms of my son picking up the slack. He looks more and more lost. And desperate. He does not have his phone. He says somebody stole it. </p><p></p><p>The way it is now, he plans to leave here in a couple of days, when he gets his SSI check. I know the general area where he is living but not the house. </p><p></p><p>I feel desperate to help him. I do not know what to do. I do not know if he is using harder drugs, or if this is entirely mental illness. Even a year ago, you could have a normal conversation with him. Now he is lost. </p><p></p><p>I fear it will keep getting worse. I don't want him to die. And I don't know what to do. He has burnt his bridges with everyone except us, it seems. </p><p></p><p>So the questions are these: Do I let him come home, if he calls me and wants to at least until we can come up with a plan? Do I follow through with trying to insist with social security that they get him a payee? M wants me to wait until he comes home tonight before I call them. Do I keep going as we have been and let him go further and further down, hoping at some point he will bottom and save himself? What do I do?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660452, member: 18958"] I am confused about what to do with my son. I have extreme heartache and worry. I am suffering and I suffer for him. Earlier this year we had planned to buy a property where my son could live here in our town so that he would have a safe place to live, separate from me. M reminded me last night, that my son could stay here and could have lived here with us at any time, if he was willing to show respect to me and to cede a little bit: to not let the cat out of the house; to not let the dogs out of the house without leashes; to be productive and to not use or bring marijuana here. He has been gone from our home for about 4 months. We had hoped that he could establish himself in this town. The rents are cheap. The downtown is self-contained. He can walk everywhere. Since he left here he has had 4 different residences that I know about. He could have had his own place. Instead he couch surfs while paying the people. He could have gotten a decent room for the money he pays, almost as much as an apartment. He says he now hates the City where we live. He sees the people as Meth addicts, as scum. He seems to have the same problems in every situation he goes to. And to not learn. And ends up having a blow up and being thrown out. He does not want to understand that who owns or leases the house, has the power. He calls the police on them, too, just like he does on us. He says he is being cheated and taken advantage of by others in terms of his housing. He pays, and then they throw him out. Buying a property for him to live in our town may not be the solution, if he hates it so much here to the point he does not want to ever come back. As I write this I realize that perhaps if he did have his own space, that might insulate him from the bulk of the disputes he has with others. His hope now is to go to the City 3 hours North of us, and get into a really good shelter there. Last he told me, he was number 85. He thinks it is imminent. I thought this might be a good plan because he loves this City, and there are great services for the mentally ill and homeless. Way better than here. He could get into residential treatment there, if he wanted to. He is clearly going down the tubes. More and more focused on this delusion about the end of the world in August. He looks haunted and gaunt. Detachment seems not to be working so good, in terms of my son picking up the slack. He looks more and more lost. And desperate. He does not have his phone. He says somebody stole it. The way it is now, he plans to leave here in a couple of days, when he gets his SSI check. I know the general area where he is living but not the house. I feel desperate to help him. I do not know what to do. I do not know if he is using harder drugs, or if this is entirely mental illness. Even a year ago, you could have a normal conversation with him. Now he is lost. I fear it will keep getting worse. I don't want him to die. And I don't know what to do. He has burnt his bridges with everyone except us, it seems. So the questions are these: Do I let him come home, if he calls me and wants to at least until we can come up with a plan? Do I follow through with trying to insist with social security that they get him a payee? M wants me to wait until he comes home tonight before I call them. Do I keep going as we have been and let him go further and further down, hoping at some point he will bottom and save himself? What do I do? [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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