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Substance Abuse
Hey, where is everybody?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 583730" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>AG - My heart sank for you too.... I think it is good you took the stand on the car and followed through.... but yeah you cant keep him sober. It is so much harder to detach when they are home and you see what they were doing. I was reminded of this when I was in CA.... as I dropped my son off after an afternoon that was very frustrating and so he just asked to go back and I was feeling a bit blown off..... I saw him leaving on his bike. My first thought was oh man he is going down to find drugs, maybe I shoud follow him. I actually considered following him for a split second!!! Which would have been old behavior and absolutey crazy and the wrong thing for me to do!!! I think I would have come to my senses but luckily he saw me turning around to leave, stopped and waited for me, we had a short and nice convo and he told me he was going to a meeting (I had not asked what he was doing). I of course never know if he was telling me the truth but trust that he was.... and I think he is in a pretty strict sober house this time where they absolutely do not let anyone stay if they are not staying clean.</p><p></p><p>But that feeling of the other shoe potentially dropping was so strong when I was with him that I had to watch my own reactions to things. It is much much easier sometimes not to know what is going on.</p><p></p><p>You really cant police his substance use or his friendships. You certainly can limit use of your car. I dont know about your difficult child but mine lives to break rules, and especially my rules. The more I set up rules the more he tried to get around them and would. It was a game to him. Which is why we are both better off with him not living here so that I dont have to make any rules for him.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 583730, member: 15801"] AG - My heart sank for you too.... I think it is good you took the stand on the car and followed through.... but yeah you cant keep him sober. It is so much harder to detach when they are home and you see what they were doing. I was reminded of this when I was in CA.... as I dropped my son off after an afternoon that was very frustrating and so he just asked to go back and I was feeling a bit blown off..... I saw him leaving on his bike. My first thought was oh man he is going down to find drugs, maybe I shoud follow him. I actually considered following him for a split second!!! Which would have been old behavior and absolutey crazy and the wrong thing for me to do!!! I think I would have come to my senses but luckily he saw me turning around to leave, stopped and waited for me, we had a short and nice convo and he told me he was going to a meeting (I had not asked what he was doing). I of course never know if he was telling me the truth but trust that he was.... and I think he is in a pretty strict sober house this time where they absolutely do not let anyone stay if they are not staying clean. But that feeling of the other shoe potentially dropping was so strong when I was with him that I had to watch my own reactions to things. It is much much easier sometimes not to know what is going on. You really cant police his substance use or his friendships. You certainly can limit use of your car. I dont know about your difficult child but mine lives to break rules, and especially my rules. The more I set up rules the more he tried to get around them and would. It was a game to him. Which is why we are both better off with him not living here so that I dont have to make any rules for him. TL [/QUOTE]
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