Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hi! New Here
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 389481" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A very important point for this site - keep your identity confidential. Not because we are likely to cause problems for you, but because people close to you in real world can try to find what you might be posting online about them. For example, we went through a few rough patches with our local dept of ed as well as a few teachers who made life difficult, and I knew that if I had used either my real name, or difficult child 3's real name (and especially difficult child 1's real name which has an unusual spelling) then these people would have tracked me and if they had found what I was writing, my plans would have been blocked. Your location can also give you away - not state, but town. A combination of diagnosis and location, or diagnosis and identity, can be put into a search engine. That's also why we discourage photos of family on the site. We do have ways around it, but always the aim is to ensure you always have the freedom to express yourself, say what you desperately need to say.</p><p></p><p>You can always go back and edit your posts or ask a moderator to help you do so. I wish I'd known that when I first joined - I mentioned the name of the school by accident, and although I desperately wanted to post more, I didn't dare but instead let that thread fade off the first page.</p><p></p><p>With the ODD diagnosis - don't get too involved with it. What it means in reality, is your chid(ren) need a different way of handling, in order to prevent the development of this oppositional behaviour. It is a reaction to their perception of people not allowing them any control in their lives, when control is how they cope. Not control of you necessarily, but control over various aspects of their own life and choices. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) from the child's point of view can be confusing, upsetting and frustrating. They desperately want to 'be normal' but are trying to study humanity to identify patterns so they can learn to do the same. They learn by imitation, especially behaviour. So any discipline methods which rely on control and domination - the child then learns to copy this and will try to control and dominate others, especially those who are personally using the domination method. "Because I said so" is the kind of parental/teacher control you should avoid with these kids. Instead, you need to use a method called Collaborative Problem Solving. CPS. It's well-described in "The Explosive Child". Or check out the sticky on this book in Early Childhood forum. I can't emphasise this enough - read up on this book, it WILL make your life easier. Grab a copy from the library, or read posts here on how it works. Because especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), and especially if you have a cluster of them in your house, this method works.</p><p></p><p>We also got the ODD label but applied by a teacher - it did fit, superficially, but I realised that the underlying problem for difficult child 3 was that people tried to manage his behaviour by tightening the controls, and this only made him more determined to break out of imposed controls. We had to teach him self-control, at a very young age. But that is one of the assets of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) 9and also what causes the ODD problem) - these kids have an immense capacity for self-control. They need guidance, they need support, but do NOT do well if you try to impose your will. If yo turn it around and lead them instead of dragging them, you get amazing results. </p><p></p><p>Getting the school on board can help. If her behaviour is good at school and bad at home, then something the school is doing for her is working well; whatever you are doing at home is not. Compare notes with the teachers and find out how they deal with various problems. A Communication Book can really help - it's a diary that travels between home and school (or emails that go back and forth, but you MUST put them all into one document and read through it regularly). We found this document gave us an early warning of problems developing, and sometimes a teacher could give me insight into a problem at home, or I could give insight into a problem at school. It was often the simple anecdotes that helped, rather than the big incidents. The big events are often following on from an earlier, smaller incident that may have gone unnoticed, such as the child having a frustrating game in the playground just before coming in to class. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who is already on edge has a much shorter fuse than usual.</p><p></p><p>The usual discipline methods we were raised with, the sort that is held up as a model of how to raise your child, can often be a disaster for these kids. It's not s matter of bad parenting, or poor discipline, it's often too much discipline, or too strict discipline that is the problem. So all tat I mean here - you may need to change your methods at home. Find out the difference between what you do and what the school does, and try to match your methods to the school's. </p><p></p><p>And READ THE BOOK. Yes, I'm nagging. At least read about it. Get a copy from the library (I also don't buy books until I'm sure I really want them; libraries are there to be used and to save me money!).</p><p></p><p>Let us know how your meeting goes.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 389481, member: 1991"] A very important point for this site - keep your identity confidential. Not because we are likely to cause problems for you, but because people close to you in real world can try to find what you might be posting online about them. For example, we went through a few rough patches with our local dept of ed as well as a few teachers who made life difficult, and I knew that if I had used either my real name, or difficult child 3's real name (and especially difficult child 1's real name which has an unusual spelling) then these people would have tracked me and if they had found what I was writing, my plans would have been blocked. Your location can also give you away - not state, but town. A combination of diagnosis and location, or diagnosis and identity, can be put into a search engine. That's also why we discourage photos of family on the site. We do have ways around it, but always the aim is to ensure you always have the freedom to express yourself, say what you desperately need to say. You can always go back and edit your posts or ask a moderator to help you do so. I wish I'd known that when I first joined - I mentioned the name of the school by accident, and although I desperately wanted to post more, I didn't dare but instead let that thread fade off the first page. With the ODD diagnosis - don't get too involved with it. What it means in reality, is your chid(ren) need a different way of handling, in order to prevent the development of this oppositional behaviour. It is a reaction to their perception of people not allowing them any control in their lives, when control is how they cope. Not control of you necessarily, but control over various aspects of their own life and choices. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) from the child's point of view can be confusing, upsetting and frustrating. They desperately want to 'be normal' but are trying to study humanity to identify patterns so they can learn to do the same. They learn by imitation, especially behaviour. So any discipline methods which rely on control and domination - the child then learns to copy this and will try to control and dominate others, especially those who are personally using the domination method. "Because I said so" is the kind of parental/teacher control you should avoid with these kids. Instead, you need to use a method called Collaborative Problem Solving. CPS. It's well-described in "The Explosive Child". Or check out the sticky on this book in Early Childhood forum. I can't emphasise this enough - read up on this book, it WILL make your life easier. Grab a copy from the library, or read posts here on how it works. Because especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), and especially if you have a cluster of them in your house, this method works. We also got the ODD label but applied by a teacher - it did fit, superficially, but I realised that the underlying problem for difficult child 3 was that people tried to manage his behaviour by tightening the controls, and this only made him more determined to break out of imposed controls. We had to teach him self-control, at a very young age. But that is one of the assets of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) 9and also what causes the ODD problem) - these kids have an immense capacity for self-control. They need guidance, they need support, but do NOT do well if you try to impose your will. If yo turn it around and lead them instead of dragging them, you get amazing results. Getting the school on board can help. If her behaviour is good at school and bad at home, then something the school is doing for her is working well; whatever you are doing at home is not. Compare notes with the teachers and find out how they deal with various problems. A Communication Book can really help - it's a diary that travels between home and school (or emails that go back and forth, but you MUST put them all into one document and read through it regularly). We found this document gave us an early warning of problems developing, and sometimes a teacher could give me insight into a problem at home, or I could give insight into a problem at school. It was often the simple anecdotes that helped, rather than the big incidents. The big events are often following on from an earlier, smaller incident that may have gone unnoticed, such as the child having a frustrating game in the playground just before coming in to class. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who is already on edge has a much shorter fuse than usual. The usual discipline methods we were raised with, the sort that is held up as a model of how to raise your child, can often be a disaster for these kids. It's not s matter of bad parenting, or poor discipline, it's often too much discipline, or too strict discipline that is the problem. So all tat I mean here - you may need to change your methods at home. Find out the difference between what you do and what the school does, and try to match your methods to the school's. And READ THE BOOK. Yes, I'm nagging. At least read about it. Get a copy from the library (I also don't buy books until I'm sure I really want them; libraries are there to be used and to save me money!). Let us know how your meeting goes. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hi! New Here
Top