Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
his difficult child's
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 207952" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Jennifer,</p><p> </p><p>A blended family brings so many issues into play. </p><p> </p><p>First, I have never understood woman who feel that they have to bring a new partner into the house right away. Well, perhaps I should say mother instead of woman. I believe, as a mother and a woman, that I have a responsibility to place my children first at many times. I am the one who made the choice for them to be here - they didn't have a say. Going through a disolving marriage/family is tough on kids of any age. They need a lot of encouragement, attention, love, and understanding. Bringing another adult into the picture so quickly only confuses the issue.</p><p> </p><p>It's also tough in a blended family because, for the most part, you are not an authority figure to these kids. You are not married to their father - you are his girlfriend - not stepmom. You deserve respect as an adult, but discipline issues can often reek havoc on the situation.</p><p> </p><p>Given that the kids have different rules at the two homes makes it harder for them to adjust at any one place. There is obviously no discussion between their parents on making sure the rules are consistant. That's a really big issue for stability in their lives. If mom is much sticter during the week, and you guys are layed back with few guidelines, is it any wonder they would rather be at your house?</p><p> </p><p>Instead of you giving him ultimatums regarding the kids getting in therapy, I would suggest a more supportive stance. Perhaps urge him to set a time when the four adults in these children's lives can get together, in a neutral place, and discuss the kids. The bios need to run the show, and you and mom's partner be there as backup who love the kids too.</p><p> </p><p>You can't force boyfriend to get his kids in therapy if the mom doesn't agree. If they have joint legal custody, they both have to agree to therapy. All you can do is help him to make his ex understand that this is best for the kids.</p><p> </p><p>You are in a tough place.</p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 207952, member: 805"] Jennifer, A blended family brings so many issues into play. First, I have never understood woman who feel that they have to bring a new partner into the house right away. Well, perhaps I should say mother instead of woman. I believe, as a mother and a woman, that I have a responsibility to place my children first at many times. I am the one who made the choice for them to be here - they didn't have a say. Going through a disolving marriage/family is tough on kids of any age. They need a lot of encouragement, attention, love, and understanding. Bringing another adult into the picture so quickly only confuses the issue. It's also tough in a blended family because, for the most part, you are not an authority figure to these kids. You are not married to their father - you are his girlfriend - not stepmom. You deserve respect as an adult, but discipline issues can often reek havoc on the situation. Given that the kids have different rules at the two homes makes it harder for them to adjust at any one place. There is obviously no discussion between their parents on making sure the rules are consistant. That's a really big issue for stability in their lives. If mom is much sticter during the week, and you guys are layed back with few guidelines, is it any wonder they would rather be at your house? Instead of you giving him ultimatums regarding the kids getting in therapy, I would suggest a more supportive stance. Perhaps urge him to set a time when the four adults in these children's lives can get together, in a neutral place, and discuss the kids. The bios need to run the show, and you and mom's partner be there as backup who love the kids too. You can't force boyfriend to get his kids in therapy if the mom doesn't agree. If they have joint legal custody, they both have to agree to therapy. All you can do is help him to make his ex understand that this is best for the kids. You are in a tough place. Sharon [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
his difficult child's
Top