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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 207993" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>Sharon</p><p></p><p>Good morning I totally agree with you on all levels. I have tried, been patient supported him through it all in regards to the children. Yet watching them hurt hurts me. I truly care for these children. I only wish that we could sit down the four of us to discuss the children yet his ex wife is so incredibly difficult on so very many levels it hinders us from doing so. Her only concern believe it or not since day one is controlling her ex husband (her issue which i'm sure requires therapy). That was the foundation of their relationship. Her care seems to only lie with controlling him, not making wise and good choices or even trying for the kids benefit. She does not like me at all, never has. Yet I have come to learn I could be any woman and she wouldnt' like me at all. I tried my best initially to facilitate a calm relationship with her. Yet I think her own personal issue stepped in the way of that becoming a reality. She calls all day long on his day off to see what he's doing, etc. He is getting better now at handling the calls. She uses kid issues as an excuse than delves into the personal realm. Which I must admit he has down very well in shutting her down when she does that. </p><p></p><p>A situation like this is not a normal one at all. She didn't leave him because she didn't love him, she just realized who she truly was. I respect that, I do. Yet the focus should be the kids, not being slayed by the fact he fell in love again and wants and totally deserves to begin anew.</p><p></p><p>When I first entered into this relationship it was with the understanding that someday the kids may want to live with us. I accepted that fact whole heartedly. I still do. Yet their trying to make it work over there, yet their approach is scattered, rules are constantly changing, there's no consistency. Teacher's and school counselor's have told both woman that and urged them for the kids sake to get them into therapy. boyfriend goes to school meetings and sits with both the ex and her partner with whom overtake him at meetings and he feels lost in it all. I do not blame him. His ex wife was given a number for a therapist for his son with whom has add/adhd because he could totally benefit from counseling she responded with well it's very far away. LOL</p><p></p><p>I do my best, I do not repremand I leave that to him. I only back him up, and in all honesty his children have accepted me so very well and often express their love to me not only verbally yet also are very affectionate. They have grown on me, and me them. When you cook for them, assist with homework, scrub ink off them for drawing on themselves lol, the connection just happens. We certainly have it. </p><p></p><p>We tried initially to keep rules the same in both homes. Yet after speaking to a therapist we learned that we are allowed to have our own rules, and the children are bright enough to understand the difference. They do not supply enough stimulus on their end for these children, hence their behavior at home is nothing like it is here. Sure, we have had issues with his oldest from time to time yet bottom line is 80&#37; of the time the respect is shown, we try to teach her the right way to verbally express herself and she is learning. Their rules are too scattered to follow we tried and we were so confused.</p><p></p><p>They have color coded systems one week, the next week it's a smiling face chart, the next week it's monetary rewards to make them do what their supposed to do. ugh.</p><p></p><p>In closing I agree I cannot facilitate their going into therapy. I can only talk to boyfriend, support him the best I can, and hope that he can make some headway with her. We both know she is an incredibly selfish person. I think he realized more of that once he got away from her and saw what I was like. Let's face it they were together since 19 he knew nothing else.</p><p></p><p>WE have a strict routine here, they follow it well now the like routine and rules that do not change. We keep it simple. hw, then snack then we split up for actiivites with all of them, then return for dinner, then after dinner their allowed to play free fora bit, then it's pajamas, snack and reading time and bed.</p><p></p><p>Their mother made a huge mistake, I know we all do as parents. Yet her moving her partner into that home immediately caused such havoc on these poor kids. When we did it we dated, then the kids got introduced in an outside setting purposely (neutrel ground; we actually checked with a therapist), then the connection between the 5 kids his and mine was instant. Our first outting was supposed to be 3 hours in a play park rides etc. it wound up being 6 and before we knew it we were sitting in a rest. with all 5 of them having dinner and watching them laugh and joke. Him and I just looked at eachother and said ok sometimes things are just meant to be. We were so very lucky. </p><p></p><p></p><p>i've run on again, I apologize. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 207993, member: 4514"] Sharon Good morning I totally agree with you on all levels. I have tried, been patient supported him through it all in regards to the children. Yet watching them hurt hurts me. I truly care for these children. I only wish that we could sit down the four of us to discuss the children yet his ex wife is so incredibly difficult on so very many levels it hinders us from doing so. Her only concern believe it or not since day one is controlling her ex husband (her issue which i'm sure requires therapy). That was the foundation of their relationship. Her care seems to only lie with controlling him, not making wise and good choices or even trying for the kids benefit. She does not like me at all, never has. Yet I have come to learn I could be any woman and she wouldnt' like me at all. I tried my best initially to facilitate a calm relationship with her. Yet I think her own personal issue stepped in the way of that becoming a reality. She calls all day long on his day off to see what he's doing, etc. He is getting better now at handling the calls. She uses kid issues as an excuse than delves into the personal realm. Which I must admit he has down very well in shutting her down when she does that. A situation like this is not a normal one at all. She didn't leave him because she didn't love him, she just realized who she truly was. I respect that, I do. Yet the focus should be the kids, not being slayed by the fact he fell in love again and wants and totally deserves to begin anew. When I first entered into this relationship it was with the understanding that someday the kids may want to live with us. I accepted that fact whole heartedly. I still do. Yet their trying to make it work over there, yet their approach is scattered, rules are constantly changing, there's no consistency. Teacher's and school counselor's have told both woman that and urged them for the kids sake to get them into therapy. boyfriend goes to school meetings and sits with both the ex and her partner with whom overtake him at meetings and he feels lost in it all. I do not blame him. His ex wife was given a number for a therapist for his son with whom has add/adhd because he could totally benefit from counseling she responded with well it's very far away. LOL I do my best, I do not repremand I leave that to him. I only back him up, and in all honesty his children have accepted me so very well and often express their love to me not only verbally yet also are very affectionate. They have grown on me, and me them. When you cook for them, assist with homework, scrub ink off them for drawing on themselves lol, the connection just happens. We certainly have it. We tried initially to keep rules the same in both homes. Yet after speaking to a therapist we learned that we are allowed to have our own rules, and the children are bright enough to understand the difference. They do not supply enough stimulus on their end for these children, hence their behavior at home is nothing like it is here. Sure, we have had issues with his oldest from time to time yet bottom line is 80% of the time the respect is shown, we try to teach her the right way to verbally express herself and she is learning. Their rules are too scattered to follow we tried and we were so confused. They have color coded systems one week, the next week it's a smiling face chart, the next week it's monetary rewards to make them do what their supposed to do. ugh. In closing I agree I cannot facilitate their going into therapy. I can only talk to boyfriend, support him the best I can, and hope that he can make some headway with her. We both know she is an incredibly selfish person. I think he realized more of that once he got away from her and saw what I was like. Let's face it they were together since 19 he knew nothing else. WE have a strict routine here, they follow it well now the like routine and rules that do not change. We keep it simple. hw, then snack then we split up for actiivites with all of them, then return for dinner, then after dinner their allowed to play free fora bit, then it's pajamas, snack and reading time and bed. Their mother made a huge mistake, I know we all do as parents. Yet her moving her partner into that home immediately caused such havoc on these poor kids. When we did it we dated, then the kids got introduced in an outside setting purposely (neutrel ground; we actually checked with a therapist), then the connection between the 5 kids his and mine was instant. Our first outting was supposed to be 3 hours in a play park rides etc. it wound up being 6 and before we knew it we were sitting in a rest. with all 5 of them having dinner and watching them laugh and joke. Him and I just looked at eachother and said ok sometimes things are just meant to be. We were so very lucky. i've run on again, I apologize. :) [/QUOTE]
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