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Holy Cow This GIRL!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 608266" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, the problem is, she MAY have a relative she didn't burn out yet, although often our kids go through all of them or else she may NOT have a big family. We have almost no family. </p><p></p><p>The point is, your son wants to be with her. Period. If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. And one thing I have learned through this is that our kids and their "friends" don't change unless they make a very hard and serious effort to do so...which usually means that our kids stop liking to hang with such dysfunctional people.</p><p></p><p>Expect the same thing to happen this time that has happened in the past. Nothing occurred to make either your son or his sidekick any different. Personally, I feel I was kind of a soft touch, but I would have never allowed my daughter to live with her boyfriend(s) in my house. For one thing, it was a respect thing to me. And for another, all of them were crazy, like your son's girlfriend. Not that my daughter was in such good shape either, but...I did have some rules she had to follow or else. I mean...yes, this is a worst case scenario (YIKES!)...what if you son gets girlfriend pregnant and she decides to keep the baby? </p><p></p><p>Although I knew I couldn't stop Daughter from having sex, I didn't have to show I thought it was ok by having her flaunt it in my house. Then, if she had gotten pregnant, I would have felt it was partly on me for not at least taking a stand against her irresponsibility. If I were you, I'd stand tough on the girlfriend. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure where you live, but on $10/hr. it's going to take your son a long time to save up a security deposit and the first month's rent and, if I were you, I wouldn't give the two lovebirds any money. It isn't going to teach your son any responsibility and it will just help keep Miss Girlfriend by his side. Why should you help him do something you don't want him to do? If she does get pregnant, he is connected to her forever. I used to think about that when Daughter would have the BFs from hello. Thankfully it turns out she was smart about contraception, although she hid it from me. </p><p></p><p>You can do what you want. It does take time to change our ways, but I would think hard about accommodating your son and his girlfriend. Neither of them are making smart, good, mature choices and girlfriend is just going to do the same things she did before if she moves back in. And son may get lazy too and stop going to work. Some kids need a real kick to have any motivation and they take advantage of our kindness. If Son doesn't think he has to work to live the easy life with Mom, he may decide he doesn't like his job and quit. Has happened to many of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 608266, member: 1550"] Well, the problem is, she MAY have a relative she didn't burn out yet, although often our kids go through all of them or else she may NOT have a big family. We have almost no family. The point is, your son wants to be with her. Period. If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. And one thing I have learned through this is that our kids and their "friends" don't change unless they make a very hard and serious effort to do so...which usually means that our kids stop liking to hang with such dysfunctional people. Expect the same thing to happen this time that has happened in the past. Nothing occurred to make either your son or his sidekick any different. Personally, I feel I was kind of a soft touch, but I would have never allowed my daughter to live with her boyfriend(s) in my house. For one thing, it was a respect thing to me. And for another, all of them were crazy, like your son's girlfriend. Not that my daughter was in such good shape either, but...I did have some rules she had to follow or else. I mean...yes, this is a worst case scenario (YIKES!)...what if you son gets girlfriend pregnant and she decides to keep the baby? Although I knew I couldn't stop Daughter from having sex, I didn't have to show I thought it was ok by having her flaunt it in my house. Then, if she had gotten pregnant, I would have felt it was partly on me for not at least taking a stand against her irresponsibility. If I were you, I'd stand tough on the girlfriend. I'm not sure where you live, but on $10/hr. it's going to take your son a long time to save up a security deposit and the first month's rent and, if I were you, I wouldn't give the two lovebirds any money. It isn't going to teach your son any responsibility and it will just help keep Miss Girlfriend by his side. Why should you help him do something you don't want him to do? If she does get pregnant, he is connected to her forever. I used to think about that when Daughter would have the BFs from hello. Thankfully it turns out she was smart about contraception, although she hid it from me. You can do what you want. It does take time to change our ways, but I would think hard about accommodating your son and his girlfriend. Neither of them are making smart, good, mature choices and girlfriend is just going to do the same things she did before if she moves back in. And son may get lazy too and stop going to work. Some kids need a real kick to have any motivation and they take advantage of our kindness. If Son doesn't think he has to work to live the easy life with Mom, he may decide he doesn't like his job and quit. Has happened to many of us. [/QUOTE]
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