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Substance Abuse
home three weeks and not cooperating...
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 252691" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>Thank you, fellow Warrior Moms, for your wise words and compassion. I feel guilty a lot because I just want this to all go away. I'm wiped out and feel like I have so little to give after living in an emotional state of seige for about five years now and no clear end in sight. </p><p> </p><p>I catch myself worrying about how difficult child 2 will react to things he doesn't like, like I need to be the buffer between him and the big bad world. It's only been in the past few weeks that I've come to see just how important it is for him to feel the natural consequences of his behavior.</p><p> </p><p>since he's been home for the past three weeks, I know for a fact that he has smoked pot at least once, and he lied to me to get to meet up with the person he smoked with (won't divulge who it is) - told me he was going to meet up with a girl he likes at the mall that afternoon and would be home by curfew (7 p.m.). I was so happy that he had someone not part of his drug past (I can see you all shaking your heads now, how could I have been so stupid and naive to assume he was meeting up with a nice, clean young lady?) to socialize with, because he can't be with any of his old buddies who used to smoke with him, that I didn't push it and insist that I meet her. I make some bone-headed mistakes sometimes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yesterday he met with his P.O. for his second drug test since he's been home, and if he fails, that's his problem. He had asked to have his curfew set later than 7 p.m. so he could see friends on weekend nights and his P.O. said no, because he had violated curfew one night by going to the movies without clearing it with his dad or me first (sneaky: he texted his older sister to "tell mom I'm going to see the 8:00 show and could she pick me up after"). He thought he was in the clear because he got a message to us about his whereabouts, problem was, we didn't know precisely where he was. Well, P.O. said no. It stays at 7 p.m.</p><p> </p><p>It was crazy to think we could do what an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can do. Now we're at the mercy of the school district and DCF to fight it out over where he should be next, day school or Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and who is going to pay for what. I'm feeling bad for our son because he's probably going to have to repeat tenth grade.</p><p> </p><p>the district demanded that he take the state CAP tests for tenth graders (part of the No child left behind law) and he made it the first of the five days, but for the past three he took so long getting ready for school that his dad was forced to leave without him so his sister wouldn't be tardy. Yesterday when I came to pick him up for his first meeting with his drug counselor he spent over 45 minutes in the shower, 10 minutes brushing his teeth, and we were 15 minutes late when we should have been early to fill out a stack of paperwork. Unfortunately, the counselor was running late so no one reprimanded him for his tardiness. But this happened just about every day when he was going to public high school before his last hospitalization: dad would be fuming outside the bathroom door while junior was flossing for a half hour. There's no way we're going to put ourselves further in hock for a private college prep day school if he's going to be late everyday and get kicked out.</p><p> </p><p>I need to get rid of these feelings of guilt and responsibility. Natural consequences: that has to be my mantra from now on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 252691, member: 5941"] Thank you, fellow Warrior Moms, for your wise words and compassion. I feel guilty a lot because I just want this to all go away. I'm wiped out and feel like I have so little to give after living in an emotional state of seige for about five years now and no clear end in sight. I catch myself worrying about how difficult child 2 will react to things he doesn't like, like I need to be the buffer between him and the big bad world. It's only been in the past few weeks that I've come to see just how important it is for him to feel the natural consequences of his behavior. since he's been home for the past three weeks, I know for a fact that he has smoked pot at least once, and he lied to me to get to meet up with the person he smoked with (won't divulge who it is) - told me he was going to meet up with a girl he likes at the mall that afternoon and would be home by curfew (7 p.m.). I was so happy that he had someone not part of his drug past (I can see you all shaking your heads now, how could I have been so stupid and naive to assume he was meeting up with a nice, clean young lady?) to socialize with, because he can't be with any of his old buddies who used to smoke with him, that I didn't push it and insist that I meet her. I make some bone-headed mistakes sometimes. Yesterday he met with his P.O. for his second drug test since he's been home, and if he fails, that's his problem. He had asked to have his curfew set later than 7 p.m. so he could see friends on weekend nights and his P.O. said no, because he had violated curfew one night by going to the movies without clearing it with his dad or me first (sneaky: he texted his older sister to "tell mom I'm going to see the 8:00 show and could she pick me up after"). He thought he was in the clear because he got a message to us about his whereabouts, problem was, we didn't know precisely where he was. Well, P.O. said no. It stays at 7 p.m. It was crazy to think we could do what an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can do. Now we're at the mercy of the school district and DCF to fight it out over where he should be next, day school or Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and who is going to pay for what. I'm feeling bad for our son because he's probably going to have to repeat tenth grade. the district demanded that he take the state CAP tests for tenth graders (part of the No child left behind law) and he made it the first of the five days, but for the past three he took so long getting ready for school that his dad was forced to leave without him so his sister wouldn't be tardy. Yesterday when I came to pick him up for his first meeting with his drug counselor he spent over 45 minutes in the shower, 10 minutes brushing his teeth, and we were 15 minutes late when we should have been early to fill out a stack of paperwork. Unfortunately, the counselor was running late so no one reprimanded him for his tardiness. But this happened just about every day when he was going to public high school before his last hospitalization: dad would be fuming outside the bathroom door while junior was flossing for a half hour. There's no way we're going to put ourselves further in hock for a private college prep day school if he's going to be late everyday and get kicked out. I need to get rid of these feelings of guilt and responsibility. Natural consequences: that has to be my mantra from now on. [/QUOTE]
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