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Substance Abuse
home three weeks and not cooperating...
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 259011" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Somehow it didn't "hit me" until this morning. It has been so many years now that I have lived in the abnormal world of substance abuse that I failed to "see" one of your big problems. We've all been there done that and some of us still "go there and do that".</p><p></p><p>You haven't grieved for the son you have lost. Your Ex likely has not done so either. I've posted many times about the pain I experienced when easy child/difficult child was prematurely discharged from his 2nd Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which was a terrific program. (In case you don't know, by the way, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s do not have to keep your child.)</p><p></p><p>His favorite counselor sat with me as the staff helped easy child/difficult child gather all his stuff to come back home. The man sympathized with me, told me that he was really a great kid with tremendous potential etc. I replied "We are so eager to get our old healthy grandson back". The man looked me square in the eye and said "Your grandson will <strong>never </strong>be back. He is gone forever. difficult child has chosen a different path. <strong>IF he</strong> works very hard he can get control of his addictions and have a worthwhile life <strong>but</strong> he will never be the person he was before."</p><p></p><p>I was like you. Our boy was gifted, for Goodness Sake. Our boy was an All Star athlete. Our boy was truthworthy, funny, dependable, and a leader.He was welcomed into every home. He was a winner and <strong>our </strong>kid who brought pleasure, pride and laughter.</p><p></p><p>The counselor was right. That boy will never be back. He either was not willing or could not go back into high school successfully. He did earn his GED with practically no effort after his classmates graduated the traditional way. He chose and still chooses to spend time with people who never had potential or loving support. He just turned 22 and we have been through Hades since he was 14.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion it is time for you and your Ex to mourn your lost child. If you are lucky the good parts from his past will guide his future but "geographic cures" aren't easy, quick or universally successful. Forget who he was or was raised to be. He has morphed. The boy who smokes pot, likes pals whom you don't like, has no motivation for school, plays head games with you <strong>and </strong>himself...that is the boy who needs help. You and your Ex need to find help for that kid as he is today in hopes that in the future he will still resemble the son you used to have. It is so, so sad and hard to do. You can do it. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 259011, member: 35"] Somehow it didn't "hit me" until this morning. It has been so many years now that I have lived in the abnormal world of substance abuse that I failed to "see" one of your big problems. We've all been there done that and some of us still "go there and do that". You haven't grieved for the son you have lost. Your Ex likely has not done so either. I've posted many times about the pain I experienced when easy child/difficult child was prematurely discharged from his 2nd Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which was a terrific program. (In case you don't know, by the way, Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s do not have to keep your child.) His favorite counselor sat with me as the staff helped easy child/difficult child gather all his stuff to come back home. The man sympathized with me, told me that he was really a great kid with tremendous potential etc. I replied "We are so eager to get our old healthy grandson back". The man looked me square in the eye and said "Your grandson will [B]never [/B]be back. He is gone forever. difficult child has chosen a different path. [B]IF he[/B] works very hard he can get control of his addictions and have a worthwhile life [B]but[/B] he will never be the person he was before." I was like you. Our boy was gifted, for Goodness Sake. Our boy was an All Star athlete. Our boy was truthworthy, funny, dependable, and a leader.He was welcomed into every home. He was a winner and [B]our [/B]kid who brought pleasure, pride and laughter. The counselor was right. That boy will never be back. He either was not willing or could not go back into high school successfully. He did earn his GED with practically no effort after his classmates graduated the traditional way. He chose and still chooses to spend time with people who never had potential or loving support. He just turned 22 and we have been through Hades since he was 14. in my humble opinion it is time for you and your Ex to mourn your lost child. If you are lucky the good parts from his past will guide his future but "geographic cures" aren't easy, quick or universally successful. Forget who he was or was raised to be. He has morphed. The boy who smokes pot, likes pals whom you don't like, has no motivation for school, plays head games with you [B]and [/B]himself...that is the boy who needs help. You and your Ex need to find help for that kid as he is today in hopes that in the future he will still resemble the son you used to have. It is so, so sad and hard to do. You can do it. DDD [/QUOTE]
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