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Substance Abuse
home three weeks and not cooperating...
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 259660" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>I think I need to have a mantra that I repeat when I get upset or depressed over my son, so that I remember to breathe, step back, and think before I do or say anything. To take the pause that refreshes, in the words of the old Coca Cola ad. I took Saturday night off and visited a girlfriend in a neighboring state overnight, drank some beers in an Elks lodge bar, had some Chinese food and stayed up gabbing with her until the wee hours. I needed to get away for a few hours and not be focused on my kids and their problems. When I got home, instead of throwing myself on the couch for a nap and avoiding my kids (the two older ones live with dad, my youngest was spending Sunday night with him as well), I made a point to visit with each one for a while,then I took my son out to dinner. We had a very nice meal and talked, he asked if he could sleep over at my house and I agreed. We fetched his books so he could work on his assignments for the tutor on Monday. When we returned to my house we watched some Tivo'd Man v. Nature programs (the Bear Grylls ones) that he really likes before bedtime. It was very nice to have himin the house when he is calm like that and not pestering me to drive him somewhere or have someone over. It was nice to have him sleeping under my roof and to fix him some breakfast while he did his homework. </p><p> </p><p>These moments of normalcy are what I need to concentrate on, however few and far between they are. For whatever reason, he went to tutoring without a fuss today, met up with one of his few friends who doesn't have a history of doing any kind of drugs (a good kid who is an aspiring fire fighter and has the funny-looking antennae on his car, wants to be an EMT and is a ham radio geek) and made it home by curfew at 7 p.m. </p><p> </p><p>My tendency is to react without thinking things through when it comes to my son, and my past history of conflict with his dad has really cemented that behavior. </p><p> </p><p>I think if I can remember to say the Serenity Prayer when I start to get stressed it might help me "reprogram" myself. He's only 16 and I'm not ready to give up on redirecting him, but I am starting to feel a bit better about letting go of taking responsibility that belongs to him. </p><p> </p><p>I really do love this boy. When he finishes a phone conversation with me he always says he loves me, when we say goodbye in person he always kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me. The only exceptions are when he demands something that I am not prepared to give him or do for him and he continues to badger me and on occasion, become verbally abusive. Then I end the conversation with a perfunctory "Good bye."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 259660, member: 5941"] I think I need to have a mantra that I repeat when I get upset or depressed over my son, so that I remember to breathe, step back, and think before I do or say anything. To take the pause that refreshes, in the words of the old Coca Cola ad. I took Saturday night off and visited a girlfriend in a neighboring state overnight, drank some beers in an Elks lodge bar, had some Chinese food and stayed up gabbing with her until the wee hours. I needed to get away for a few hours and not be focused on my kids and their problems. When I got home, instead of throwing myself on the couch for a nap and avoiding my kids (the two older ones live with dad, my youngest was spending Sunday night with him as well), I made a point to visit with each one for a while,then I took my son out to dinner. We had a very nice meal and talked, he asked if he could sleep over at my house and I agreed. We fetched his books so he could work on his assignments for the tutor on Monday. When we returned to my house we watched some Tivo'd Man v. Nature programs (the Bear Grylls ones) that he really likes before bedtime. It was very nice to have himin the house when he is calm like that and not pestering me to drive him somewhere or have someone over. It was nice to have him sleeping under my roof and to fix him some breakfast while he did his homework. These moments of normalcy are what I need to concentrate on, however few and far between they are. For whatever reason, he went to tutoring without a fuss today, met up with one of his few friends who doesn't have a history of doing any kind of drugs (a good kid who is an aspiring fire fighter and has the funny-looking antennae on his car, wants to be an EMT and is a ham radio geek) and made it home by curfew at 7 p.m. My tendency is to react without thinking things through when it comes to my son, and my past history of conflict with his dad has really cemented that behavior. I think if I can remember to say the Serenity Prayer when I start to get stressed it might help me "reprogram" myself. He's only 16 and I'm not ready to give up on redirecting him, but I am starting to feel a bit better about letting go of taking responsibility that belongs to him. I really do love this boy. When he finishes a phone conversation with me he always says he loves me, when we say goodbye in person he always kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me. The only exceptions are when he demands something that I am not prepared to give him or do for him and he continues to badger me and on occasion, become verbally abusive. Then I end the conversation with a perfunctory "Good bye." [/QUOTE]
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