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homeless daughter and son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 700124" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Jodie, felony convictions don't carry the same stigma with them that they used to. Yes, they still can be an obstacle but more and more the general public is realizing that ostracizing felons only leads them to HAVE to commit more felonies to survive. That being said, he does have a long row to hoe. It won't be easy and will take a serious commitment from him but I see offenders leave all the time who have serious time who are successful. Just off the top of my head I can think of four offenders who've been released in the last three years with sentences ranging from 19 to 27 years flat. The last one to get out did 27 years and has been out since December. It CAN be done! He just has to take advantage of the programs while in prison, and the available resources when he releases. FYI, you are NOT one of those resources other than moral support.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Nothing more to add to this other than AMEN! We are only ever responsible for ourselves.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>First off, CONGRATULATIONS! I LOVE hearing about success stories! Over the past 24 plus years I have seen many offenders come to prison be it their first or fifth time down and finally just get it! Your son will change if and when he is ready and not a moment sooner and there is NOTHING you can do to change this. Definitely remain skeptical. Users lie, that's the cold hard truth. Cautious optimism is the phrase of the day. Excellent point on the support network. That can be SO vital to success. That being said, it can be done without support. It's just so much harder that way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No. You can't help him unless he wants the help. Even then, you aren't the best one to give him that help because that can quickly revert everyone back to old habits. If at all possible avoid being his primary or even secondary support.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This lesson is HUGE! Yes, he's your son. He is also a grown man, only two years younger than I am. He is more than capable of leading a successful life, he just has to want it and work hard at it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thankfully I learned this lesson at work a long time ago. I actually use a variation of this when I talk to the offenders who just got to the institution and I'm telling them about my class. </p><p></p><p>My advice to you as a Correctional employee. Don't send him money. You can buy him phone minutes if you want but there is NOTHING they sell in the canteen that he needs. He gets three meals a day. Are they gourmet? Hell no! But they are edible and they are filling. Does he smoke? Oh well. Tell him to support his own bad habits. Make him take care of himself while he's there. If he calls you threatening suicide if you don't put money on his books then call the institution and tell them about it. If he is serious then he needs to see the mental health professionals that are available. If he's just trying to manipulate you into sending him money, doing that a time or two should break him of it especially if they put him on suicide watch. Its not dangerous but I've been the officer observing them to know that they aren't pleasant either. Keep your conversations short. The longer you talk on the phone, the more time he will have to tug at your heart strings. If you have a lot to say, write him a letter. By all means, visit him. But consider doing it as kind of a reward. He's gone a month without getting a Conduct Violation and hasn't tried to manipulate you, reward him with a visit. </p><p></p><p>These are just my suggestions, take them or leave them as you please. I certainly don't know whats best for you or your son, just giving you some advice based on my experience in dealing with offenders. Good luck and if you have any questions for me about Corrections I will answer to the best of my ability. Just remember that different states run things in different ways so if you want specifics feel free to contact the institution he's at and ask questions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 700124, member: 18238"] Jodie, felony convictions don't carry the same stigma with them that they used to. Yes, they still can be an obstacle but more and more the general public is realizing that ostracizing felons only leads them to HAVE to commit more felonies to survive. That being said, he does have a long row to hoe. It won't be easy and will take a serious commitment from him but I see offenders leave all the time who have serious time who are successful. Just off the top of my head I can think of four offenders who've been released in the last three years with sentences ranging from 19 to 27 years flat. The last one to get out did 27 years and has been out since December. It CAN be done! He just has to take advantage of the programs while in prison, and the available resources when he releases. FYI, you are NOT one of those resources other than moral support. Nothing more to add to this other than AMEN! We are only ever responsible for ourselves. First off, CONGRATULATIONS! I LOVE hearing about success stories! Over the past 24 plus years I have seen many offenders come to prison be it their first or fifth time down and finally just get it! Your son will change if and when he is ready and not a moment sooner and there is NOTHING you can do to change this. Definitely remain skeptical. Users lie, that's the cold hard truth. Cautious optimism is the phrase of the day. Excellent point on the support network. That can be SO vital to success. That being said, it can be done without support. It's just so much harder that way. No. You can't help him unless he wants the help. Even then, you aren't the best one to give him that help because that can quickly revert everyone back to old habits. If at all possible avoid being his primary or even secondary support. This lesson is HUGE! Yes, he's your son. He is also a grown man, only two years younger than I am. He is more than capable of leading a successful life, he just has to want it and work hard at it. Thankfully I learned this lesson at work a long time ago. I actually use a variation of this when I talk to the offenders who just got to the institution and I'm telling them about my class. My advice to you as a Correctional employee. Don't send him money. You can buy him phone minutes if you want but there is NOTHING they sell in the canteen that he needs. He gets three meals a day. Are they gourmet? Hell no! But they are edible and they are filling. Does he smoke? Oh well. Tell him to support his own bad habits. Make him take care of himself while he's there. If he calls you threatening suicide if you don't put money on his books then call the institution and tell them about it. If he is serious then he needs to see the mental health professionals that are available. If he's just trying to manipulate you into sending him money, doing that a time or two should break him of it especially if they put him on suicide watch. Its not dangerous but I've been the officer observing them to know that they aren't pleasant either. Keep your conversations short. The longer you talk on the phone, the more time he will have to tug at your heart strings. If you have a lot to say, write him a letter. By all means, visit him. But consider doing it as kind of a reward. He's gone a month without getting a Conduct Violation and hasn't tried to manipulate you, reward him with a visit. These are just my suggestions, take them or leave them as you please. I certainly don't know whats best for you or your son, just giving you some advice based on my experience in dealing with offenders. Good luck and if you have any questions for me about Corrections I will answer to the best of my ability. Just remember that different states run things in different ways so if you want specifics feel free to contact the institution he's at and ask questions. [/QUOTE]
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