Homeless teen

[LucyB]

My easy child daughter is dating a 17 yo that probably qualifies as a difficult child. I doubt that he's ever been evaluated, but definitely has anger management issues and is a chronic truant. He was recently charged with 2nd degree assault on his mother, a felony. Police released him after 12 hours. Mother understandably will not allow him back in the home. His father who shares joint custody will also not take him in. Police and school do not seem to care that he is homeless. I don't understand how nobody is legally responsible for his care.

I gave him the number of a program that helps teens from broken homes. They don't want to help him because he has the felony charges pending and parents refuse to sign him into their program.

Other than that, he does not seem willing to help himself. He won't call the phone number for some other state agency that the school gave him. He won't call other relatives to ask if he can stay there. He has some lame excuse why he can't call any of these people. I think he wants my daughter to convince us to let him stay with us long term, but we are not willing to do that.

I don't know what else I can or should do for him. Please let me know if you have any suggestions. Thanks.

 

[DDD]

No suggestions except to try to stay detached and make sure your
daughter doesn't get sucked in to the drama. Evidently his parents have drawn their line in the sand. It is time for him
to make a positive mood to help himself. DDD

 

[KFld]

Other than that, he does not seem willing to help himself. He won't call the phone number for some other state agency that the school gave him. He won't call other relatives to ask if he can stay there. He has some lame excuse why he can't call any of these people. I think he wants my daughter to convince us to let him stay with us long term, but we are not willing to do that.

I don't know what else I can or should do for him. Please let me know if you have any suggestions. Thanks.

If he is not ready to help himself, there isn't much you can do. I'm sure his parents have probably done all they can and are at a total loss. Sounds like your daughter is in a probably not to healthy relationship. Be careful about what help you provide for him yourself. You may find yourself in a situation where he becomes too dependant on you and it will be difficult to get out of. He definatley sounds like a difficult child to me. You have given him numbers and suggestions, that is about all you can do. Does your daughter have any influence over him making good decisions. Maybe there is someone she can convince him to call.

I don't have many other ideas for you, but hopefully others will be along who can suggest something that may be more helpful.

 

[kris]

he's been given options....none of which he seems to find suitable.

i know your daughter feels for him, but you need to step away. to put it bluntly....he's not your responsibility. if there is a homeless shelter in town give him their number. they generally are not so picky about the felony issue.

good luck.

kris

 

[neednewtechnique]

Every state is different, but in Illinois, I know that a kid with a record like that at 17 is not a candidate for CPS either. They pretty much let them be as adults if they are on their own at 17. If he isn't willing to accept the advice or help he is being given, there isn't much you can do. If he truly does choose to live on the streets, he won't be very neat and clean, nor will he really have an opportunity to do a lot for your daughter, so all you can do is hope and pray that she can keep herself from getting sucked in, and maybe she will get bored with having the dirty boyfriend who can't take care of her and she will move on.... Or possibly if they really DO love each other, maybe the fear of losing her will prompt him to get his act together.....

Don't get me wrong, I feel for the kid that his parents kicked him out, but seriously, if he is being offered help and refuses to take it... it has to be tough love then and I have a hard time being sympathetic towards someone that HAS options and refuses to accept any of them.

 

[mom_in_training]

You have gotten some great advice from many others here so I will only add a link to a program. Do not know what state you live in to even know what age he will be considered an adult, Here in CA its 18 but as someone else said in other states its 17. It is true that he will only do something different when he decides to do that for himself

Another option would be Teen Challenge http://www.teenchallenge.com

I believe they provide emergency housing, There is a national # on their page to see about your state.

I think the only thing that you can do is just pass on the information and let the cards fall where they will. It would be up to him to take advantage of his options.

 

[LucyB]

Thank you for the support and suggestions.

I have found two more numbers for teen shelters that I will give to my daughter to give to him. It will be up to him to make the calls. If he arranges to stay at a shelter or with relatives, I will assist with transportation.

He should have some place to stay for at least a few days. He convinced a friend of my daughter to let him stay in his dorm room. But the semester ends soon, so he will soon have no place to stay. I don't know how he is getting any food. I doubt that he is taking the bus to school. We have told him that skipping school is just going to make him look even worse when he gets in front of the judge.

In the mean time, we are watching daughter very closely.

 

[Sunlight]

Lucy, my son has been that kid many a time. I would keep my daughter out of it as much as you can. He is a good liar too no doubt by now.

 

[Fran]

Lucy, giving him options is a wonderful thing to do but if he assaulted his mother, he sure as heck will assault you or even daughter.
He needs difficult child treatment, whatever that will be. I understand about not wanting to see a 17yr old homeless. I have a girl living with me at present. The situation is different in that she was motivated enough to enroll in community college and work a lot. She just needed a safe place to put her head. I couldn't bring trouble to my home since we still deal with difficult child, but I understand the need to not turn your back.

Giving him those numbers, encouraging him to work on the problem and keeping a running dialogue with easy child daughter about seeing a man with anger issues and how very difficult it is.