Homework Struggles

[Bunny]

I'm really just venting here.

difficult child gets home from school about an hour and a half before easy child. This afternoon he came home, ate something, and did some of his homework. After that he went to his room.

easy child gets home and I tell him he has to get going on his homework after a very quick snack because he has football practice tonight and he needs to get some of his homework finished, eat dinner, and change so we can leave on time.

difficult child ALWAYS picks that time to start. Comes into the kitchen complaining of a headache. Looking at easy child and saying "You know, Mom, I really hate easy child," laughing because he thinks he's so funny, then telling easy child, "I'm just kidding. You know that, easy child ". I gave him two Advil and told him to leave easy child alone so that we can get some homework done. So he stomps up the stairs and goes back into his room, then comes out again two minutes later making all kinds of really loud noises, claiming that he's "singing a song" to entertain easy child.

Finally I told him to either get into his room or stand at the top of the stairs and be quiet or else I would remove his Xbox from his room. He quieted down and left easy child alone, but it just grates on my nerves that he does this almost every day.

I know he's trying to take attention away from easy child, because he hates easy child getting my attention more than he hates anything else, but difficult child can have my attention for more than an hour before easy child gets home.

 

[SuZir]

How much does he actually get your attention? easy child had your attention during homework and maybe you drove him to his football practise and back. So during the evening your attention actually was almost solely in easy child, except for the time difficult child misbehaved and he got some negative attention. How much your positive attention he had today? How long did you talk with him? Did you do something he enjoys together? How much he did had his dad's positive attention?

ASKING for parental attention in positive manner is almost an impossible task for a teenage boy, even for a easy child teen boy. It is little like giving them their D-vitamins when they are babies. They do NEED it, but you have to shove it inside them to actually make them take it. Teen boys need plenty of positive attention from both parents, enjoyable things done together and conversations. They will most likely not ask those things and often for example having a conversation is like pulling a tooth. But they NEED it.

You are right, your difficult child is seeking your attention in negative manner because he resents it, that from his point of view easy child is getting more, and more positive, attention from you. Expecting him to realise he could ask your attention in better way, is not very realistic to me. But you are his mom, you know he needs your positive attention and your time, shove it to him.