My daughter is an expert. Was an expert. Then I educated myself and learned all about "hoovering" and the different methods of it. She is very smart, and now that her old "tactics" don't work, she is constantly inventing new ones. She is thrown off by my boundaries - something I never set before - and my new ways to communicate: refusing to engage, no longer defending, arguing or justifying my choices, walking away from her escalations, ending circular conversations...I have learned A LOT about what to expect and how to react/not react. It is hard because I feel like I have to be a different person around her. A robot almost, who isn't hurt by her words and doesn't react to her fits. It is exhausting, but it keeps that emotional distance and allows me to love her without complete resentment.
