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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 520172" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>recoveringenabler, to tell you the whole truth, I can say it has been difficult to express gratitude towards mom. </p><p>What I can advise to a parent with a difficult child is not trying to address all the issues at the same time, or you'll blow it even when you have the best intentions of the world. It's unrealistic and drowning, for everyone. You exhaust yourself, and to get what at the end ? Nothing apart more problems. </p><p>What I can also say is (as on a child's side) that instead of relieving the pain, it adds more anger and pain. It's like you ask way too much too soon when you try to solve everything at the same time : it's a surhuman task that no one would be able to handle on the long term. </p><p>In order not to try to fix everything at the same time, picking up the battles is a life saver. </p><p></p><p>Parenting my father for his drunk driving is, strangely and as odd as it seems, the solution I found to detach myself. </p><p>I focus only on what is a danger for self and/or for others, and I stick to it. I say what I mean and I mean what I say on this point. Mom sometimes calls me the nasty and blames me for parenting him ? It's the least of my worries, because safety is the most basic request we can ask for a father towards a child. </p><p>For the rest, I know that if I get it, it's a bonus. But I don't rely too much on it because it triggers fights which are exhausting, drowning and I leave my health + my sanity in the process. A month and a half in bed for a pericarditis (or it was a heart failure at the end, said the cardiologist. No fun) + a strep throat (together, yes) for a fight because "he puts a Bob the Sponge t-shrit and Mickey Mouse socks for a professional appointment" + "he eats half a lemon with salt on it and pasta + cocacola for breakfast" is only wasting time, energy and saliva (in France, we say "we're wasting saliva" when we preach in the desert) for no results, and for something which, at the end, is not harmful. </p><p></p><p>As strange as it seems, it's while observing my GP (General Practitioner) when she has to deal with challenging patients (because she surely has to deal with challenging patients : not all patients are easy going and cooperative, pleasant to speak with and such) that I learnt most how to manage my challenging father. </p><p>Never a complaint against a patient, not even a broken glass, no fights between her patients, never received any insult. She is a magic GP ? Maybe.... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 520172, member: 14306"] recoveringenabler, to tell you the whole truth, I can say it has been difficult to express gratitude towards mom. What I can advise to a parent with a difficult child is not trying to address all the issues at the same time, or you'll blow it even when you have the best intentions of the world. It's unrealistic and drowning, for everyone. You exhaust yourself, and to get what at the end ? Nothing apart more problems. What I can also say is (as on a child's side) that instead of relieving the pain, it adds more anger and pain. It's like you ask way too much too soon when you try to solve everything at the same time : it's a surhuman task that no one would be able to handle on the long term. In order not to try to fix everything at the same time, picking up the battles is a life saver. Parenting my father for his drunk driving is, strangely and as odd as it seems, the solution I found to detach myself. I focus only on what is a danger for self and/or for others, and I stick to it. I say what I mean and I mean what I say on this point. Mom sometimes calls me the nasty and blames me for parenting him ? It's the least of my worries, because safety is the most basic request we can ask for a father towards a child. For the rest, I know that if I get it, it's a bonus. But I don't rely too much on it because it triggers fights which are exhausting, drowning and I leave my health + my sanity in the process. A month and a half in bed for a pericarditis (or it was a heart failure at the end, said the cardiologist. No fun) + a strep throat (together, yes) for a fight because "he puts a Bob the Sponge t-shrit and Mickey Mouse socks for a professional appointment" + "he eats half a lemon with salt on it and pasta + cocacola for breakfast" is only wasting time, energy and saliva (in France, we say "we're wasting saliva" when we preach in the desert) for no results, and for something which, at the end, is not harmful. As strange as it seems, it's while observing my GP (General Practitioner) when she has to deal with challenging patients (because she surely has to deal with challenging patients : not all patients are easy going and cooperative, pleasant to speak with and such) that I learnt most how to manage my challenging father. Never a complaint against a patient, not even a broken glass, no fights between her patients, never received any insult. She is a magic GP ? Maybe.... ;) [/QUOTE]
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