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Horrible and scary weekend
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 336239" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi kjs, </p><p></p><p>Huge Hugs to you and your family - all of you. What happened yesterday is something that I think all of us can appreciate having had happen to us at one time or another. Raising these kids certainly isn't easy. Sure would be nice if someone had an emergency hand book with index tabs - you could just grab it and run your thumb down the side......</p><p></p><p>BEATING HEAD ON CAR WINDOW YELLING ----TAKE TO ER FOR psychiatric hospital ADMIT</p><p>SCREAMING I WANT TO DIE.............CALL psychiatrist FOR medications TWEAK</p><p>SOBBING I'm SORRY After it all.......SOOTHING WORDS WITH CONSEQUENCE</p><p>HUSBAND BLAMING.......................PUT BOOT HERE (illustration) </p><p></p><p>I mean - (exhale) when your house is in crisis mode no one thinks "Ahhh visual clarity I know exactly what to do." At least not until it's happened like ohhhhhh I dunno about 100 times and then if you don't have a supportive spouse well - I think you get even more frustrated and like you posted - you left, he left, easy child left, you left, he left. The only constant here was difficult child going to pieces. (Odd isn't it?) The kid who is falling apart is the only constant thing. So that obviously has to change. </p><p></p><p>Another thing I will agree with is chasing your son. Our psychiatrist told us to never do it. Call the police, let them bring him back home, report him as a runaway. It usually stops that behavior because it sends a message that if THIS happens (running away) - it is NOT Mom and Dad that come looking. It's the law. You waste the Laws time? There are serious consequences - not just loose a gameboy, or miss a dessert tonight at dinner. This is a help you CAN use. It actually stopped Dude from doing it. The first time? Oh did he sit in the buddies house watching us drive back and forth like idiots looking stopping to ask. WOrried out of our minds. The 2nd time? We just called the police and let him sit and look out the same window for us and then looked out the window to see the police, and when the police told the friends grandma - "Either send Dude out or you're all under arrest." Wow did they hand him over pronto. Then there was the scolding, the "If I have to come get you son - you will go to jail, waste valuable time" speech. It was great. Ride home in the cop car. </p><p></p><p>And Keep in mind - Dude has also attempted suicide 3 times, and threatens to kill himself and thinks about it. How YOU handle the threats has a lot to do with how that behavior will or won't progress. His father also did and still does use that - because even at 55 years old it still gets him attention. </p><p>(not saying that all threats are empty) but if THAT is the cry? Then it SHOULD get IMMEDIATE hospitalization and a 911 call EVERY SINGLE TIME. DANGER TO SELF.....NO QUESTION - CALL TO AMBULANCE and HOSPITAL...no jokes....no OH YOU DO NOT MEAN IT....NO TALKS.....Just calm, okay....and 911....."My son is threatening to kill himself." end of your conversation with him about it. </p><p></p><p>I'm not going to beat you up over the events of the day - Goodness knows it sounds like you had enough already - BUT I am going to tell you as your friend that YOU and husband need a battle plan from this day on. You need to sit and talk and stop all this YOUR fault..NO YOUR fault and LEAVING.....You're the parents....what's your plan? Like NVTS said - there's a chance you could have gone to the ER and they would have released him to you....not so sure with a threat of suicide and head butts in public....but...SIT DOWN with husband...and get a plan together. AGREE on what if.....he......next time...and stick to it. BE PREPARED. </p><p></p><p>Agree to fight fair also -----NO THIS IS YOUR faulting. PERIOD. Keep those thoughts to yourselves. NO LEAVING THE SCENE. You're in this TOGETHER showing your son you are BOTH THERE. If he threatens suicide?NO IF ANDS OR BUTTS - CALL 911 ----report it and you both stay there with him until the ambulance comes. You don't need to call in front of your son either. One of you can sit with him, one can walk off and call. </p><p></p><p>IF HE RUNS AWAY? LET HIM. Keep mind of what he's wearing - what direction he went. What his friends are - where he may have gone. REPORT HIM AS A RUN AWAY. </p><p></p><p>KEEP a list of all his current medications, doctors....handy in your purse.....on a card in husband's wallet. CURRENT photo ID......JUST IN CASE. </p><p></p><p>THIS also lets police know this kid HAS ISSUES.....See? A PLAN. </p><p></p><p>You both can do this. You NEED to do this for your son. </p><p></p><p>He needs you to do this so that IF he should do this again?????? YOU ARE PREPARED and can show the proper authorities that he JUST NEEDS HELP...not that he's a troublemaking teen. A card in the wallet with his picture, doctor and medications -----does that. </p><p></p><p>I'm so so sorry you had such an awful day. I think it would probably be worth a shot to just take you and easy child one day when you can and slip out and treat him to something special for the disruption and ask husband to do the same one day without difficult child knowing. </p><p></p><p>Hope all is better today. </p><p>Hugs & Love<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 336239, member: 4964"] Hi kjs, Huge Hugs to you and your family - all of you. What happened yesterday is something that I think all of us can appreciate having had happen to us at one time or another. Raising these kids certainly isn't easy. Sure would be nice if someone had an emergency hand book with index tabs - you could just grab it and run your thumb down the side...... BEATING HEAD ON CAR WINDOW YELLING ----TAKE TO ER FOR psychiatric hospital ADMIT SCREAMING I WANT TO DIE.............CALL psychiatrist FOR medications TWEAK SOBBING I'm SORRY After it all.......SOOTHING WORDS WITH CONSEQUENCE HUSBAND BLAMING.......................PUT BOOT HERE (illustration) I mean - (exhale) when your house is in crisis mode no one thinks "Ahhh visual clarity I know exactly what to do." At least not until it's happened like ohhhhhh I dunno about 100 times and then if you don't have a supportive spouse well - I think you get even more frustrated and like you posted - you left, he left, easy child left, you left, he left. The only constant here was difficult child going to pieces. (Odd isn't it?) The kid who is falling apart is the only constant thing. So that obviously has to change. Another thing I will agree with is chasing your son. Our psychiatrist told us to never do it. Call the police, let them bring him back home, report him as a runaway. It usually stops that behavior because it sends a message that if THIS happens (running away) - it is NOT Mom and Dad that come looking. It's the law. You waste the Laws time? There are serious consequences - not just loose a gameboy, or miss a dessert tonight at dinner. This is a help you CAN use. It actually stopped Dude from doing it. The first time? Oh did he sit in the buddies house watching us drive back and forth like idiots looking stopping to ask. WOrried out of our minds. The 2nd time? We just called the police and let him sit and look out the same window for us and then looked out the window to see the police, and when the police told the friends grandma - "Either send Dude out or you're all under arrest." Wow did they hand him over pronto. Then there was the scolding, the "If I have to come get you son - you will go to jail, waste valuable time" speech. It was great. Ride home in the cop car. And Keep in mind - Dude has also attempted suicide 3 times, and threatens to kill himself and thinks about it. How YOU handle the threats has a lot to do with how that behavior will or won't progress. His father also did and still does use that - because even at 55 years old it still gets him attention. (not saying that all threats are empty) but if THAT is the cry? Then it SHOULD get IMMEDIATE hospitalization and a 911 call EVERY SINGLE TIME. DANGER TO SELF.....NO QUESTION - CALL TO AMBULANCE and HOSPITAL...no jokes....no OH YOU DO NOT MEAN IT....NO TALKS.....Just calm, okay....and 911....."My son is threatening to kill himself." end of your conversation with him about it. I'm not going to beat you up over the events of the day - Goodness knows it sounds like you had enough already - BUT I am going to tell you as your friend that YOU and husband need a battle plan from this day on. You need to sit and talk and stop all this YOUR fault..NO YOUR fault and LEAVING.....You're the parents....what's your plan? Like NVTS said - there's a chance you could have gone to the ER and they would have released him to you....not so sure with a threat of suicide and head butts in public....but...SIT DOWN with husband...and get a plan together. AGREE on what if.....he......next time...and stick to it. BE PREPARED. Agree to fight fair also -----NO THIS IS YOUR faulting. PERIOD. Keep those thoughts to yourselves. NO LEAVING THE SCENE. You're in this TOGETHER showing your son you are BOTH THERE. If he threatens suicide?NO IF ANDS OR BUTTS - CALL 911 ----report it and you both stay there with him until the ambulance comes. You don't need to call in front of your son either. One of you can sit with him, one can walk off and call. IF HE RUNS AWAY? LET HIM. Keep mind of what he's wearing - what direction he went. What his friends are - where he may have gone. REPORT HIM AS A RUN AWAY. KEEP a list of all his current medications, doctors....handy in your purse.....on a card in husband's wallet. CURRENT photo ID......JUST IN CASE. THIS also lets police know this kid HAS ISSUES.....See? A PLAN. You both can do this. You NEED to do this for your son. He needs you to do this so that IF he should do this again?????? YOU ARE PREPARED and can show the proper authorities that he JUST NEEDS HELP...not that he's a troublemaking teen. A card in the wallet with his picture, doctor and medications -----does that. I'm so so sorry you had such an awful day. I think it would probably be worth a shot to just take you and easy child one day when you can and slip out and treat him to something special for the disruption and ask husband to do the same one day without difficult child knowing. Hope all is better today. Hugs & Love:winking: Star [/QUOTE]
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