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How can a difficult child change his behavior if all of it gets excused?!!
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<blockquote data-quote="tessaturtle" data-source="post: 451170" data-attributes="member: 3510"><p>Hi again, I haven't posted in quite a long time but I have read some posts here and there to try to stay involved~life got very busy!</p><p></p><p>Where to even begin!? In a nutshell, for almost a year and a half now (since he turned 13 or a little before) difficult child has had increasingly concerning behaviors. We even went so far as changing his therapist and the medication provider since we felt he had hit a wall treatment wise (he had been with them for 8 years). So he has been with his new providers for about a year now and does not seem to be getting better. </p><p></p><p>Bio-mom has never been the most consistent or stable person in his life (one of the reasons he lives with us full time), and he certainly has his issues around her (he has a TON of anger towards her; but yet she can do no wrong in his eyes). We have to keep her informed of things that happen, and sometimes its helpful when we can present a united front to schools and whatnot. BUT, she has always and more often lately excuses his behavior (in front of him) or allows him to control her. And she also almost always believes his side of things (even though it is pretty clear he cannot control his lying) UNLESS the act was done to her - that is the only time she comes down on him.</p><p></p><p>If he lashes out at someone physically, her response is always "he was just retaliating, they always catch the second person not the one who started it." This is her response throughout the years, despite the fact that numerous professional have witnessed and reported various acts of difficult child initiating conflict. Oh and she is a HUGE supporter of medications at any cost and feels that is the answer to everything (the magic pill).</p><p></p><p>This morning, I almost called the police on difficult child - he slapped his sister in the face and he whipped some deck chairs around. The only reason I did not call the police was because his summer school bus arrived - and without him being there, what could the police do? He hadn't damaged anything - my point to calling them would have been to get him to stop and for the officers to see him in full angry mode. WELL, biomom knows best and is blaming us for not calling the police AND claiming he is not like that with her!! Oh really?! This is the same woman who tells us that she can not "handle" him that's why he is with us; she had to call the police in Sept. when he hit his sister in the head; she told late last summer about him almost kicking the windows out in her car while she was driving because she would not take him to the pet store! </p><p></p><p>So there's a lot here but, really, how can we help him when his idol (biomom) excuses all of it!?</p><p></p><p>Sorry this was so long, I have so much more, but am very thankful if you have read this far! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tessaturtle, post: 451170, member: 3510"] Hi again, I haven't posted in quite a long time but I have read some posts here and there to try to stay involved~life got very busy! Where to even begin!? In a nutshell, for almost a year and a half now (since he turned 13 or a little before) difficult child has had increasingly concerning behaviors. We even went so far as changing his therapist and the medication provider since we felt he had hit a wall treatment wise (he had been with them for 8 years). So he has been with his new providers for about a year now and does not seem to be getting better. Bio-mom has never been the most consistent or stable person in his life (one of the reasons he lives with us full time), and he certainly has his issues around her (he has a TON of anger towards her; but yet she can do no wrong in his eyes). We have to keep her informed of things that happen, and sometimes its helpful when we can present a united front to schools and whatnot. BUT, she has always and more often lately excuses his behavior (in front of him) or allows him to control her. And she also almost always believes his side of things (even though it is pretty clear he cannot control his lying) UNLESS the act was done to her - that is the only time she comes down on him. If he lashes out at someone physically, her response is always "he was just retaliating, they always catch the second person not the one who started it." This is her response throughout the years, despite the fact that numerous professional have witnessed and reported various acts of difficult child initiating conflict. Oh and she is a HUGE supporter of medications at any cost and feels that is the answer to everything (the magic pill). This morning, I almost called the police on difficult child - he slapped his sister in the face and he whipped some deck chairs around. The only reason I did not call the police was because his summer school bus arrived - and without him being there, what could the police do? He hadn't damaged anything - my point to calling them would have been to get him to stop and for the officers to see him in full angry mode. WELL, biomom knows best and is blaming us for not calling the police AND claiming he is not like that with her!! Oh really?! This is the same woman who tells us that she can not "handle" him that's why he is with us; she had to call the police in Sept. when he hit his sister in the head; she told late last summer about him almost kicking the windows out in her car while she was driving because she would not take him to the pet store! So there's a lot here but, really, how can we help him when his idol (biomom) excuses all of it!? Sorry this was so long, I have so much more, but am very thankful if you have read this far! :) [/QUOTE]
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How can a difficult child change his behavior if all of it gets excused?!!
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