difficult child got out of the psychiatric hospital 10 days ago. The day after he got out he stole a steak knife and used it to slash a stuffed animal. Five days later, he steals another steak knife and slices his mattress. His father searches the room for the steak knife and finds $65. It can only be stolen. husband hides the fact that he found the money. He figures if anyone is missing it they would have said something and he buys himself new shoes with it. On the day we were supposed to take difficult child from the psychiatric hospital we had a family counselling session. In this session husband admits that in the prior week or so before the hospitalization, difficult child gave him abt 16 ritalin pills that he said he 'found' in his pockets at school (difficult child is always 'finding things in his pockets that other people put there just to get him in trouble. At home people put weapons in his pockets to get him in trouble at school, and at school people put rx drugs in his pockets I guess to get him in trouble at home). husband kept this from me. He figured since difficult child fessed up about the pills, he was probably innocent. Of course I'd been telling him for a while that difficult child has suspicious amounts of money. And difficult child on the day he was hospitalized did steal a classmate's nintendo DS (but husband said it wasn't a big deal because all the kids at difficult child's are criminals and the kid probably stole it himself). Oh and difficult child admitted that he crawls out his window at night, but only to pee on the ledge roof under his window. I'd been telling him I thought difficult child was jumping out off the roof (which we know he did once out the back of the house, denting the shed roof) and then coming into the house in the late night or early morning hours and wandering around. husband scoffs because how could he get back, little 12 year old he is. Well the other boys would get on the roof by standing on the car, then the electrical box, and difficult child goes to a military school and has good upper body strength, he could do it. But difficult child lied and said he can't, he's too small and weak and he only pees on the roof because little ole him is afraid to use the real bathroom because he has an alarm on the door (altho he's been told to open the door and say he has to go to the bathroom and someone will watch him go in and out of the bathroom--but difficult child loves to pee where he's not supposed to). So husband admits last night to finding the money and says he's not going to say anything to difficult child about it (just like he didn't say anything about the DS, the stuffed animal slashing, the mattress slashing, and the knife stealing). So where could difficult child get $60? Other possible solutions: the money he was supposed to give to the driver every other week for his transportation costs. We know he stole from them in the the past and the school took the loss and covered up for him. Drugs. He was tested for drug use in the hospital, but that doesn't mean he doesn't deal. Stealing from dad's wallet (even tho dad usually keeps it in our room), stealing from people at school. Finally husband conceded he stole from me, but to do that he also had to concede that difficult child was crawling out the window and prowling the house at night. But... And get this: he's not going to say anything to difficult child because difficult child will just lie to him anyway. He's going to replace my money and just ignore it. When I protested I was reminded it wasn't my business he was the parent. When I protested the fact that he was hiding things like the found money and the drugs from me, husband said, what does it matter to you anyway, how does it affect you? Well, I could hide my money better, protect myself and my kids better from a 12 yo who prowls the house at night and is fascinated by knives and slashing. I could better secure our rx drugs. I could keep my event log better updated. If your kid is showing up with unexplained money or expensive items isn't it a parent's responsibility to get to the bottom of how they got it? difficult child is a kid who for 4 years now has broken law after law, exhibited violence, vandalism, lack of remorse and conscience, and is getting bolder and is cool and disdainful about getting caught. He offers a lie and if that doesn't work, <shrug>... 3 Felonies, running around at night, running away, pictures of killing his sister, stealing laptops, cellphones, electronics, clothes, books, bikes, money, false accusations of abuse, staging his own kidnapping, compulsive lying... And he gets caught most of the time and nothing is ever done. Even being arrested wasn't so bad, everyone tried to make it easy for him. He was 'the baby' at the psychiatric hospital. The teachers believe the bunk about his family abusing him. And at the most he's been minorly inconvenienced. Maybe yelled at. And now finds himself watched all the time. So why should he stop. People think he's mentally ill because he 'doesn't understand cause and effect'. But they are wrong: for him cause and effect is he does something wrong and is rewarded by getting away with it, or he does something wrong and nothing bad happens and often he can use it as a platform to garner sympathy...but if he can't, it's still no big deal, it's ignored or goes away by itself. For difficult child the effect of any negative cause has been positive. He's been TRAINED (inadvertently by well meaning people) to find misbehavior a positive or neutral experience. I don't understand it. I don't understand it at all. How can my husband just ignore the increasing criminal personality criminal activity emerging in his son?