How Did Everyone Make It Through Christmas?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Dec 26, 2012.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I don't know about anyone else, but I am SOOOOOO happy that "the most wonderful time of the year" is just about over! difficult child has been he!! on wheels this past week and school truly can not start soon enough! We had a complete tantrum on Christmas Eve at mother in law's house. He left and walked home (we live around the corner), and then called down to mother in law's house and told easy child that it was all easy child's fault that his Christmas got ruined and hung up on him. Then he called again, ranting about how we were starting to eat without him and I should not have let him leave mother in law's house. I should have "begged" him to stay and now he won't be able to have anything for dinner. I told him to have whatever he wanted if he chose to stay home. If he wanted to come back he could eat what we were having, as long as he cooled his jets and stopped his nonsense because no one wanted to deal with it. He calmed down, came back and was fine for the rest of the night.

    Christmas Day seemed to be going well enough, until he was playing with the Legos that easy child was playing with and making annoying noises that were bothing us all. easy child asked him nicely to stop and he refused. I asked him nicely and he said he didn't have to do anything that I said. I told him that it was important to respect the feeling of others and that if it were easy child making noises and he refused to stop he would be screaming and trying to beat the tar out of the kid. That set him off. No one respects his feelings, so why should he go out of his way to respect anyone elses? No one treat him nicely. No one cares about him. It just spiraled out of control from there and he took a swing at his father, who was really trying hard to keep his cool. husband took him down as gently as he could and held him there, all the while difficult child is screaming at husband to get off of his and calling him every name in the book, and husband told him that he would call the police and have his arrested on Christmas Day if he needed to. It took a few minutes, but he did cool off and was fine for the rest of the day. Five minutes after he calmed down the family started to arrive, so they missed the whole thing and were telling me how pleasant he was being.

    easy child is sick and has been since Christmas Eve night, so I have an appointment with the pediatrician later this morning.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow! difficult child really is insecure isn't he? He tested you on Christmas Eve (you handled it beautifully) and pushing it on Christmas Day (all of you handled that perfectly as well). Personally, I really don't think you have the right diagnosis OR the right medications. The anxiety part could be a big part but a lot of his thinking errors aren't explained by either diagnosis. I really hope you keep seeking ..... for all your sakes.

    We made it through the holidays just fine. I got sick Christmas Eve (long story) and we had to leave earlier (9pm) than we normally would have. On Christmas Day, the boys were bored silly (they are the only kids there) but didn't take it out on the rest of us. They did well given the circumstances.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree with tedo, he reminds me so much of my high functioning spectrum-ish kids. So rigid/stuck/unable to easily shift mindset. So hard to see another's perspective. As hard as it is to have a child with severe disabilities I've always said we are in a way blessed that there is something obvious to deal with.
    Parents who know there is something else....either an umbrella diagnosis. or some issues not identified or whatever....really have my sympathy. You are in the deep end without floaties!
    You do such an amazing job settling him. I think his leaving was actually positive. Would be good if he could do it more planfully, as a coping method before things get too far. But removing himself is actually a pretty good strategy. He needed an "out" then, and you gave him options. He then made a good choice. We always have our worst times getting ready for something or at the beginning of an event. (Transitions) my family actually lovingly looks at their watches and will say, give him x minutes and he'll be settled in. It's like clockwork. So predictable.
  4. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I had 5 days off and were sick for 3 of them, and am still sick and the only one at work until the 2nd of Jan. Fun :(

    daughter was okay. She unwrapped a bunch of her presents before I got up, and I went off on her, again, about how presents were supposed to be fun for the people giving them too, we want to see one's faces, see the surprise, etc. This is after getting mad at her a week earlier for pulling my jacket down over the present I was hiding, and thereby seeing it. She doesn't get surprises at all. At least she's starting to get the "giving" part a little.

    She's totally bored, they have three weeks of Winter break here, ugh. SHe's in the middle of week two. She had a playdate on Saturday, will have another one this Friday, and maybe a sleepover this weekend. That in itself will be huge.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sandy, you missed the tails of my Christmas's past! The years when my boys would scour my house looking for the presents I had so lovingly and thoughtfully picked out for them and then when they found them, they would make it obvious they had been found! Or if I happened to wrap them up so I didnt think they could see what was inside, they would try to peel the tape off to sneak a peek and tear the paper. I got so mad several years that I tossed the Xmas tree straight out the front door completely decorated!

    You would have thought they would have learned after the first tree went flying out the door wouldnt you? But no, it took at least 3 trees! LOL.
  6. Jamieh

    Jamieh New Member

    I am new here. I can relate to you. My oldest makes the most obnoxious sounds to annoy his brother. Drives us crazy. I am glad Christmas is over. Mainly the family get gatherings. They are really stressful for my oldest. He done well this year but I was nervous the whole time wondering if something was going to set him off.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, Bunny, that is so hard! I'm so sorry.
    Tedo, and Allhail, I'm sorry you were sick. Glad you made it through with-difficult children though.
    Janet, awful, but funny. I've only thrown shoes out the door but I love the tree story.
    Jamieh, welcome! I'm glad your kids made it through but sorry that your oldest makes noises to annoy. Our g'sfg do what "regular" kids do, but 100 times worse.

    We flew to Calif and stayed at my brother's house. 22 people. difficult child slept downstairs with-the other "guys." Didn't shower or brush his teeth for 4 days. Ew. I had to threaten to turn off his Ipad and cell to get him to clean himself. He was able to spend some time with-a cousin, and boy, does time and age change things. The cousin used to be so mean to difficult child, but now he has matured, more or less. They spent most of the time playing video games and the rest of the time comparing my sister and me and how alike we are. (Quite amusing, since she's an extrovert and PR person, and blonde and blue eyed, and I'm an introvert and dark haired and brown eyed and prefer to read. Alone.) The alike part? "My mom has been asking me if I want to go for a walk for 15 yrs and I haven't gone yet."
    "Yeah, mine too. But she makes me go."

    I spent a cpl days in Laguna Beach sightseeing and eating. I love it there!
    We took turns making dinner ea night, and I made curried chicken.

    difficult child spent about 15 min upstairs in the DR eating with-us ea night and disappeared after that. One of my sisters had him stay upstairs and help dry dishes one night. He was a jerk when we stayed one day longer (my s-i-l wanted us to) and you know how Aspies are with-change. Which word to choose ... glowering, pouting ...
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We're still struggling with Christmas because here in the land of summer Christmas, celebrations continue until the end of January.

    Our kids were fine. No hassles with them at all. Sis-in-law's kids were fine. No hassles. Sis-in-law arrived with luggage on Christmas Day looking healthy and sober. We had a lovely Christmas Day, no tantrums from anybody.

    Since then it has gone downhill. Two days after Christmas the excrement hit the air conditioning. It took until yesterday for me and husband to find out why - we found some of sis-in-law's stash of booze. I've made it clear to husband (can't talk to mother in law about this, sis-in-law is always around and will make everybody's life purgatory if anyone 'outs' her as a drinker) that I will not be around sis-in-law unless he is there, plus I need my own way to get out of there and home fast. And that if I say, "I'm going home now," it means sis-in-law has been badly inappropriate again.

    I've even been trying to find a way to get out of the city until sis-in-law goes home in a few weeks.

    So in one way this has been good news - MY kids weren't the problem. The elephant in the room (or difficult child) is an adult over whom we have zero control. It's also a really useful object lesson for my kids, the ones who at times drink too much - they don't want to end up like their relative.

  9. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    We did pretty good. We traveled out of state and stayed with relatives we hadn't seen in 12 years (!!). They were very understanding of difficult child who got incredibly loud because of his hearing (He wears hearing aids). difficult child did have a meltdown when we were packing to go because he had to pack pajamas. -He normally sleeps in his underwear but not appropriate for relatives. After a 30 min. full-blown obsessive conversation I convinced him he had to wear pjs. I considered it a success :)
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Survived, glad it's behind us. Hugs...sounds like it wasn't the easiest of times.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    All in all, it went smoothly. Had some enjoyable moments and some not so enjoyable ones. It's definitely better now that the kids are grown, living on their own - No more melt-downs, total chaos, feeling like I'm in the depths of HE77, etc..., wishing the holidays didn't exist...

    However, this year I had to throw away the blinders, see easy child/difficult child 3 in an entirely different light, deal with the unspoken distance, the wall that she has built separating us from her, and hope that as she continues to mature, the wall will gradually crumble... It was very difficult because prior to the holidays and her visit, it seemed like I (almost) had the "old" easy child/difficult child 3 back and I guess my expectations were too high. I guess I was expecting easy child/difficult child 3 to be more like she was when she was younger, the one who used to enjoy spending long leisurely afternoons with me, picnics at the beach, window shopping, etc... It's time for me to wake up and accept the fact that it is not the way it is any longer, maybe it will be again someday, but not now... SFR


    Hi Bunny - I am so envious of how calm your husband seemed to be with your son during his meltdown. My husband still takes everything difficult child says or does so personally and it is so frustrating. I am always trying to calm down husband and keep it from raging at difficult child. Believe me, the defiance is unbelievable but still I feel like he should be able to control himself. Then again...if difficult child wasn't at all scared of husband I have no idea where or how these meltdowns would end.