Hi. I am so very sorry for all you been through. Have you gone to therapy? Do you go now?I find it helps.
You still have your grandchildren. Do you see them often? Are you able to be a big part of their lives? All is not lost. Do you have friends, hobbies, groups you belong g to? Church helps me.
None of us expect to be here.
Prayers and love to you. Don't give up! we are here for you.