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I'm so sorry. That is a lot of sorrow. You can't allow yourself to be abused. Consider counseling, if you haven't done so already. At least for the short term. As you are able, try to help your grandchildren. These are very difficult circumstances you have reported. Others have had to endure very similar. It is not easy...taxing an individual on every front.  Cling to your spiritual beliefs if applicable. It can also be of great help.