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How do I accept that she is coming home?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 252668" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Oh JJJ - I hear you and I'm so sorry. That last paragraph sums it up so well. I can't tell you how many times I said the exact same thing to police/hospital staff. Apparently, mothers are not afforded the same protections as everyone else yet if something happens to our other kids at the hands of our difficult child, we're responsible. It's a real catch-22. </p><p> </p><p>Safety plans deluxe is all I can tell you. Keep your cell phone on you. Get the other kids together and come up with a plan. In our home, the 2 younger kids' rooms are upstairs and there's a door at the top of the stairway. The last time difficult child lived here, we installed a keyed lock on that door so they could get to a safe place and stay physically safe (it did not protect them from the absolutely vile verbal abuse he spewed). medications and sharps (forks, knives, screwdrivers, cleaning products, etc) were locked in a lockbox, and I wore both keys around my neck 24/7. I talked to village police beforehand (they still remembered difficult child) and gave them a head's up that he was coming home. At that point, SASS wasn't doing any in-home services and were useless in a crisis because we have MH insurance, so we started the hospitalization merry-go-round again when things fell apart. </p><p> </p><p>It's not ideal, by any stretch, JJJ. It's impossible to fully protect our other kids if they're in the same house, so for me anyway, the goal became how to keep them as safe as possible. </p><p> </p><p>I would tell the kids before you head up to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), so you can all together work on a safety plan. I really understand how important it is to preserve the peace and protect everyone. I felt like it was really important for my kids to know that I was *not* sacrificing their safety (if I could help it).</p><p> </p><p>Since Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has been totally taken in by her behaviors there, I'd seriously see if you can set up audio and/or video monitoring of a family space so that you can have a totally objective record of her interaction with- the family. It may be that she honeymoons during the home visit - in over 100 home visits now, there has been *1* where my difficult child lost it. One. But if Kanga does revert to form, the only chance you have of being heard is if they can hear it firsthand, in my humble opinion.</p><p> </p><p>I'm truly sorry. I think you need to keep raising the warning flag, loudly, with everyone you can think of - SASS, DMH, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), everyone. But also in the meantime you need to find a safety plan that will keep you all safe. Many gentle hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 252668, member: 8"] Oh JJJ - I hear you and I'm so sorry. That last paragraph sums it up so well. I can't tell you how many times I said the exact same thing to police/hospital staff. Apparently, mothers are not afforded the same protections as everyone else yet if something happens to our other kids at the hands of our difficult child, we're responsible. It's a real catch-22. Safety plans deluxe is all I can tell you. Keep your cell phone on you. Get the other kids together and come up with a plan. In our home, the 2 younger kids' rooms are upstairs and there's a door at the top of the stairway. The last time difficult child lived here, we installed a keyed lock on that door so they could get to a safe place and stay physically safe (it did not protect them from the absolutely vile verbal abuse he spewed). medications and sharps (forks, knives, screwdrivers, cleaning products, etc) were locked in a lockbox, and I wore both keys around my neck 24/7. I talked to village police beforehand (they still remembered difficult child) and gave them a head's up that he was coming home. At that point, SASS wasn't doing any in-home services and were useless in a crisis because we have MH insurance, so we started the hospitalization merry-go-round again when things fell apart. It's not ideal, by any stretch, JJJ. It's impossible to fully protect our other kids if they're in the same house, so for me anyway, the goal became how to keep them as safe as possible. I would tell the kids before you head up to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), so you can all together work on a safety plan. I really understand how important it is to preserve the peace and protect everyone. I felt like it was really important for my kids to know that I was *not* sacrificing their safety (if I could help it). Since Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has been totally taken in by her behaviors there, I'd seriously see if you can set up audio and/or video monitoring of a family space so that you can have a totally objective record of her interaction with- the family. It may be that she honeymoons during the home visit - in over 100 home visits now, there has been *1* where my difficult child lost it. One. But if Kanga does revert to form, the only chance you have of being heard is if they can hear it firsthand, in my humble opinion. I'm truly sorry. I think you need to keep raising the warning flag, loudly, with everyone you can think of - SASS, DMH, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), everyone. But also in the meantime you need to find a safety plan that will keep you all safe. Many gentle hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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