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How do I get husband to stop being so agro around daughter?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 191054" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all - it really sounds like your husband needs some help. I think it is great that he is a SAHD, but would he be less stressed if he didn't stay home? My husband was a SAHD for almost a year. I finally told him it had to stop, not because I didn't want him home with Wiz, but because he was miserable and making Wiz and I miserable. He woudl push and push and push Wiz to do things, and just get all bent out of shape if anything went even a tiny bit differently than he wanted or expected it to go. Wiz was only 3 at the time, and I really did NOT want him in daycare, but we needed the benfits from my job. </p><p> </p><p>I would have your husband read The Explosive Child and Love and Logic Parenting/Love adn Logic Magic for Early Childhood. My husband did not respond to ANY book/hint/counsellor suggestion for changing his parenting until I brought home Love and Logic Parenting. He read many other parenting books, he jsut refused to use any of the methods/tools from them. The L&L made sense to him, so we went with that (they all made sense in one way or another to me, I just wanted him to calm down and quit pushing Wiz into confrontations or ignoring Wiz's behavior - it was one or the other ALL the time!)</p><p> </p><p>By the time we found L&L thank you was 2 - he is 8 years younger than Wiz, so it took a LONG time.</p><p> </p><p>Your school can do some screening for Eris. It may not be the most thorough screening, but they can do some. The Special Education archives has a letter you can adapt to your child/school and then send. It is very important to send teh letter by certified mail - this puts timelines adn protections into place for Eris. Over on the Sp Ed forum they can explain this far better than I can.</p><p> </p><p>Is there any chance Eris has sensory issues? The Out of Sync Child explains them and some ways to cope with them. It can really help also. We thought thank you was showing signs of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autistic spectrum disorder) and we had an appointment to screen for that. We happened to get in to see the Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory issues before the other appointment and by the time for the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) screening it was clear that his problems are sensory - he just responded so well to the Occupational Therapist (OT). The great thing is that the main therapy we used for the sensory stuff is brushing - and we do it at home with a surgical scrub brush. Very soft, over clothes or on bare skin, and he loves it. I think Wiz would have had a much different life if we had known about the sensory stuff earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, you will have to find some way to get through to your husband. If he is triggering some of Eris' behaviors, he will need to learn other ways to parent her. Sort of putting medications in his food, all you can do is keep talking to him. (I really don't recommend putting medications in his food!)</p><p> </p><p>My husband told me that the L&L books "made sense" and "weren't trying to baby the kid or let him run the house" and he thought the other parenting books were telling him that the kid should run the house. I don't agree that the other books said that, not at all, but I have had male coworkers who had the same opinion about parenting books and really liked the L&L books. You can learn about L&L on the website - <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> . I even found useful info on the stuff for teachers.</p><p> </p><p>Sending hugs, this is a really rough road. I am sorry that you and husband seem to be on different "sides". If at all possible you need to work to present a united front - so that Eris doesn't see you as "good cop" and dad as "bad cop". Cause that will not only hurt Eris - it hurts you, husband and your marriage also.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 191054, member: 1233"] First of all - it really sounds like your husband needs some help. I think it is great that he is a SAHD, but would he be less stressed if he didn't stay home? My husband was a SAHD for almost a year. I finally told him it had to stop, not because I didn't want him home with Wiz, but because he was miserable and making Wiz and I miserable. He woudl push and push and push Wiz to do things, and just get all bent out of shape if anything went even a tiny bit differently than he wanted or expected it to go. Wiz was only 3 at the time, and I really did NOT want him in daycare, but we needed the benfits from my job. I would have your husband read The Explosive Child and Love and Logic Parenting/Love adn Logic Magic for Early Childhood. My husband did not respond to ANY book/hint/counsellor suggestion for changing his parenting until I brought home Love and Logic Parenting. He read many other parenting books, he jsut refused to use any of the methods/tools from them. The L&L made sense to him, so we went with that (they all made sense in one way or another to me, I just wanted him to calm down and quit pushing Wiz into confrontations or ignoring Wiz's behavior - it was one or the other ALL the time!) By the time we found L&L thank you was 2 - he is 8 years younger than Wiz, so it took a LONG time. Your school can do some screening for Eris. It may not be the most thorough screening, but they can do some. The Special Education archives has a letter you can adapt to your child/school and then send. It is very important to send teh letter by certified mail - this puts timelines adn protections into place for Eris. Over on the Sp Ed forum they can explain this far better than I can. Is there any chance Eris has sensory issues? The Out of Sync Child explains them and some ways to cope with them. It can really help also. We thought thank you was showing signs of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autistic spectrum disorder) and we had an appointment to screen for that. We happened to get in to see the Occupational Therapist (OT) for sensory issues before the other appointment and by the time for the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) screening it was clear that his problems are sensory - he just responded so well to the Occupational Therapist (OT). The great thing is that the main therapy we used for the sensory stuff is brushing - and we do it at home with a surgical scrub brush. Very soft, over clothes or on bare skin, and he loves it. I think Wiz would have had a much different life if we had known about the sensory stuff earlier. Anyway, you will have to find some way to get through to your husband. If he is triggering some of Eris' behaviors, he will need to learn other ways to parent her. Sort of putting medications in his food, all you can do is keep talking to him. (I really don't recommend putting medications in his food!) My husband told me that the L&L books "made sense" and "weren't trying to baby the kid or let him run the house" and he thought the other parenting books were telling him that the kid should run the house. I don't agree that the other books said that, not at all, but I have had male coworkers who had the same opinion about parenting books and really liked the L&L books. You can learn about L&L on the website - [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url] . I even found useful info on the stuff for teachers. Sending hugs, this is a really rough road. I am sorry that you and husband seem to be on different "sides". If at all possible you need to work to present a united front - so that Eris doesn't see you as "good cop" and dad as "bad cop". Cause that will not only hurt Eris - it hurts you, husband and your marriage also. [/QUOTE]
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