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How Do I Help Her Detach?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 376693" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>My mother is this way with difficult child. She is as bad as a father always acting like they will visit or want to beinvolved, then never "being able" to follow thru. Plus, she wants to tell difficult child things that are just not her place to tell him and some are down-right inappropriate- like telling him at 12yo that he was big enough that he could stand up to me and not have to listen to me.</p><p></p><p>So, I stopped bringing her name uup or mentioning her at all to difficult child. If he brings her up, which is rare, I answer the question or make a short statement then move onto a different subject. I listen if he expresses frustration or thoughts about it like you said Jess was expressing things she has figured out. The last time my mother mentioned difficult child she said she wanted me to tell him that she couldn't wait to see him and hoped it was soon. Instead of relaying that to difficult child automatically, the way I would have in the past, I emailed her back and asked said "before I tell difficult child something that makes it sound like you will be seeing him soon, could you let me know how you plan to see him soon?" And after she responded to that with something about just wanting him to feel loved by her, I never relayed the message to difficult child. This was after knowing he'd been released from Department of Juvenile Justice but had to immediately return to public school, she had said she wasn't coming here to visit and it was inconvenient for us to visit her. </p><p></p><p>To get to my point, let it taper off, in my humble opinion. Don't dwell on it yourself or keep bringing it up. Show your child how you have let it go and moved on and keep your mind on things and people that are real and constructive, not empty promises or words that mean nothing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 376693, member: 3699"] My mother is this way with difficult child. She is as bad as a father always acting like they will visit or want to beinvolved, then never "being able" to follow thru. Plus, she wants to tell difficult child things that are just not her place to tell him and some are down-right inappropriate- like telling him at 12yo that he was big enough that he could stand up to me and not have to listen to me. So, I stopped bringing her name uup or mentioning her at all to difficult child. If he brings her up, which is rare, I answer the question or make a short statement then move onto a different subject. I listen if he expresses frustration or thoughts about it like you said Jess was expressing things she has figured out. The last time my mother mentioned difficult child she said she wanted me to tell him that she couldn't wait to see him and hoped it was soon. Instead of relaying that to difficult child automatically, the way I would have in the past, I emailed her back and asked said "before I tell difficult child something that makes it sound like you will be seeing him soon, could you let me know how you plan to see him soon?" And after she responded to that with something about just wanting him to feel loved by her, I never relayed the message to difficult child. This was after knowing he'd been released from Department of Juvenile Justice but had to immediately return to public school, she had said she wasn't coming here to visit and it was inconvenient for us to visit her. To get to my point, let it taper off, in my humble opinion. Don't dwell on it yourself or keep bringing it up. Show your child how you have let it go and moved on and keep your mind on things and people that are real and constructive, not empty promises or words that mean nothing. [/QUOTE]
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