Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How do they do it?????????????????
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 549181" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Dash--</p><p></p><p>I agree with you - it is INFURIATING that these kids can manipulate their way into "free" stuff and endless opportunities. But I think they are also working with a different set of rules than you and I and most other people have.</p><p></p><p>This is not meant to make you feel badly in the least...I just wanted to share because I feel as if I know exactly where you are coming from.</p><p></p><p>We, Moms, want SO BADLY for our children to do well. And we really don't want to fight all the time or create ugliness by nagging or anything - so we bite our tongues and put on a happy face and wait patiently for our children to have a realization. And we KNOW that once they have that realization - they will do the right thing and they will be all right. So we set up situations to help them figure it out. We say things like - "<em>Gee, there's a big sale coming up over Labor Day Weekend. Do you have any shopping money? We could go to the mall</em>." or "<em>You know, if you had your own _______, you wouldn't need to use mine</em>." And we think that our kids will pick up on these hints and *ding* the lightbulb will come on and they will think - <em>Wow! If I had a job, I could do x, y, and z!</em> But it doesn't happen....so we keep waiting.</p><p></p><p>And then every time they go out and get themselves something without working for it or earning it or being responsible in any way - it feels like we've been banging our head into a brick wall this whole time. And in a way....we have been. We've been hurting ourselves trying to help our kids.</p><p></p><p>I finally figured out that the things *I* was doing, (and saying and hinting) were not even a blip on my daughter's radar. My concerns and feelings had absolutely no relevance to her. If she were to write an entire book about her life - I *might* be mentioned in a footnote somewhere, if I was lucky. I sure wouldn't get a whole Chapter about "What My Mother has Done for Me".</p><p></p><p>And once I realized that, it was easier for me to put aside some of my feelings (I say some because don't get me wrong, it still makes me hurt and crazy and angry) and see difficult child on her own terms. I don't agree with a lot - but at least I can look at it a little more objectively and a little less emotionally-vested.</p><p></p><p>And this makes it easier for me to give difficult child advice that is more aligned with the way that she views the world and less upset about some of the typical difficult child-solutions to everyday problems.</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 549181, member: 6546"] Dash-- I agree with you - it is INFURIATING that these kids can manipulate their way into "free" stuff and endless opportunities. But I think they are also working with a different set of rules than you and I and most other people have. This is not meant to make you feel badly in the least...I just wanted to share because I feel as if I know exactly where you are coming from. We, Moms, want SO BADLY for our children to do well. And we really don't want to fight all the time or create ugliness by nagging or anything - so we bite our tongues and put on a happy face and wait patiently for our children to have a realization. And we KNOW that once they have that realization - they will do the right thing and they will be all right. So we set up situations to help them figure it out. We say things like - "[I]Gee, there's a big sale coming up over Labor Day Weekend. Do you have any shopping money? We could go to the mall[/I]." or "[I]You know, if you had your own _______, you wouldn't need to use mine[/I]." And we think that our kids will pick up on these hints and *ding* the lightbulb will come on and they will think - [I]Wow! If I had a job, I could do x, y, and z![/I] But it doesn't happen....so we keep waiting. And then every time they go out and get themselves something without working for it or earning it or being responsible in any way - it feels like we've been banging our head into a brick wall this whole time. And in a way....we have been. We've been hurting ourselves trying to help our kids. I finally figured out that the things *I* was doing, (and saying and hinting) were not even a blip on my daughter's radar. My concerns and feelings had absolutely no relevance to her. If she were to write an entire book about her life - I *might* be mentioned in a footnote somewhere, if I was lucky. I sure wouldn't get a whole Chapter about "What My Mother has Done for Me". And once I realized that, it was easier for me to put aside some of my feelings (I say some because don't get me wrong, it still makes me hurt and crazy and angry) and see difficult child on her own terms. I don't agree with a lot - but at least I can look at it a little more objectively and a little less emotionally-vested. And this makes it easier for me to give difficult child advice that is more aligned with the way that she views the world and less upset about some of the typical difficult child-solutions to everyday problems. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How do they do it?????????????????
Top